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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Little Miss Fucket - 13/06/2014 21:07 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I found out my husband has a fake Facebook account that he uses to add guys and live a double life as some kind of "gamer chick". This would be disturbing enough, even if he hadn't used pictures of me to give a face to his alter ego. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 974

You deserved it 4 189

Switcheroo

By Saberwolf - 13/02/2011 21:14 - United States

Today, I got a text from a girl that I've had a crush on for a long time, asking me out to dinner. I agreed and went to the restaurant. Not long afterwards, I got text from her saying something had come up, so she couldn't make it. As I was walking back to my car, I saw her walk into the same restaurant with another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 974

You deserved it 3 121

By Anonymous - 21/02/2011 00:19 - United Kingdom

Today, at my strictly Catholic grandmother's funeral, I was made to sit in the row behind the rest of the family, because I was born out of wedlock and wasn't a 'real' member. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 973

You deserved it 2 912

By Anonymous - 21/02/2013 13:43 - United States - Boise

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 971

You deserved it 12 001

Shocked

By tawan - 04/12/2009 16:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I set off a fire alarm in school. I was taken to the head teacher's office, where he said that though he was shocked at my behavior, it was nice to see me being more like regular students and trying to fit in, instead of isolating myself as usual. I was shoved into the fire alarm by bullies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 970

You deserved it 3 051

By housewiththinwalls - 10/10/2014 23:22 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, after getting stressed out by my parents having a serious fight for hours, I'm now listening to their make-up sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 967

You deserved it 3 971

By Jake - 28/09/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 967

You deserved it 3 470

By Anonymous - 24/08/2014 05:51 - United States - Hicksville

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 967

You deserved it 7 038

By armenta427 - 07/10/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents are 28,000 dollars in debt and that my bank account has $27.17 in it. They took my money to help pay their debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 966

You deserved it 3 345

Narc

By Ginna - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my dad planted and "discovered" a pack of cigarettes in my backpack to distract my mom from his gambling problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 966

You deserved it 2 704

By Worried - 16/04/2011 10:59 - Australia

Today, my wife and I were planning our nursery for our future child. She said that we'd be painting it pink either way. I asked what would happen if we had a boy. She said "Oh, he'll be gay" with a menacing glare. I'm worried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 965

You deserved it 7 139

Our house, in the middle of our street

By Anonymous - 05/09/2011 10:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my parents planning on how to get me to move out of the house. It's my house. They only came to visit and forgot to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 964

You deserved it 3 200

By dumb tourists - 31/03/2013 06:19 - China - Beijing

Today, a blonde tourist came up to me and asked me for directions to the nearest train station. I politely directed her there, and she left. Five minutes later, she came back and slapped me for not bringing her to an "English-speaking station". We're in China, lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 964

You deserved it 2 951

Stranded

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After looking for the spare key for hours, we called our insurance company, who then sent a "locksmith" with a wedge and a bar to open my car. All he did was break the driver and passenger doorhandles. My stuff is still inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 963

You deserved it 3 675

Volley girl

By Lexi801 - 19/09/2014 01:56 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I had a volleyball game, and we were down by 13 points. I looked up at the crowd, and my mom was shaking her head in disappointment. When it was my turn to serve, I aced them, and tied the score. When I looked up she was gone. She'd left. When I got home, I heard how I sucked for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 961

You deserved it 2 904

The L Word

By Humiliated & Heart-Broken - 30/07/2014 04:41 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him for the first time. The L-word is probably one of the only things I'm scared to say, so what did he do? He stared at me blankly before making a farting noise with his mouth and asking if he could go get Chicken Express for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 961

You deserved it 5 212

Dad jokes

By thefuck - 30/06/2013 22:08 - Ireland - Ballyjamesduff

Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 959

You deserved it 3 677

By what - 25/09/2013 14:42 - Canada - Edmonton

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 953

You deserved it 8 841

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 15:05 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I got cited for "internet plagiarism" and called to the dean's office. I'd been sitting a closed-book written exam, and my teacher had been breathing down my neck the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 952

You deserved it 4 217

By Anonymous - 31/08/2013 20:52 - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, I had an asthma attack while in bed with my boyfriend. He interrupted my desperate coughing only to tell me to shut up. He then rolled over to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 952

You deserved it 4 022

By usmcpain - 23/06/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I couldn't sleep and in the process of tossing and turning I did something very painful to my back. I spent 4 years in the marine corps infantry, but laying in a bed kicks my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 950

You deserved it 5 071

By cricketsins - 11/08/2013 07:28 - United States - Smyrna

Today, I was walking along the beach at night with my family. A huge wave came up and knocked me over. When we got to the van, I realized that the keys that had been in my pocket were now in the ocean. Our cell phones, shoes, and money were in the van. We had to walk three miles to our hotel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 948

You deserved it 6 923

cricketsins tells us more.

cricketsins 36

Sunday 11 August 2013 22:46

OP here! Just to clarify: Waves knock people off their feet easily. We weren't lazy, we just didn't want to walk barefoot through a place covered with broken beer bottles and vomit. We couldn't break the window because the van had an alarm system, plus it was a nice van and we didn't want to harm it - especially if we were perfectly capable of walking to the hotel and dealing with it the next day.

By BetrayedGirl - 13/01/2010 12:40 - United States

Today, my friend told me men can't be trusted. I told her that wasn't true; I have my husband's password to his email but I never check it because I trust him. She bet me he was doing something bad, and to prove her wrong I looked. Turns out he has been cheating on me for 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 944

You deserved it 5 518

Handy

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 943

You deserved it 12 009

By flying_vegan - 06/12/2009 13:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and found that someone had taken a dump on my car. They'd apparently felt bad about it, as they'd then keyed "sorry" into the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 943

You deserved it 2 444

flying_vegan tells us more.

flying_vegan 0

Tuesday 8 December 2009 10:04

This was in Hoxton, in London...

By Finesse7791 - 20/09/2009 12:28 - United States

Today, my friend called saying she was gathering all her girlfriends for a girl's night out. I was thrilled with the idea and started to think of something to wear. She then asked if I would mind watching her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 941

You deserved it 2 930

By Pip - 23/02/2010 21:13 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said her husband was going to divorce her for seeing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 941

You deserved it 6 714

Desperate for D

By sadsadperson - 07/09/2011 08:51 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I lied to my diary about getting laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 941

You deserved it 30 902

No kidding

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 18:41 - United States - Portland

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 940

You deserved it 10 872

I'm working over here, leave me alone!

By lifeguardfuckup - 14/02/2019 15:17 - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I received six prank phone calls on the official pool phone. When it rang again, I picked it up, told them to go fuck themselves, hung up, and then left the phone off the hook. A second later, my cellphone rang. It was my boss, telling me to get a sense of humor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 939

You deserved it 8 521

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The Top

The Top

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 222

You deserved it 39 637

Today, I found out what it's like to have your boyfriend's mom find your hidden stash of condoms in your car, then spend the next two hours shopping with her. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 615

You deserved it 7 242

Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 96

Today, the pills my doctor prescribed for my extremely painful period cramps apparently have a side effect; excruciatingly painful cramps. I feel like I'm being repeatedly stabbed in the ovaries with a rusty fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 102

You deserved it 2 439

Today, I spent two hours filling out an online application and questionnaire for a potential employer. The application stated that there were no right or wrong answers and to answer truthfully. I was automatically rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 447

You deserved it 5 396

Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 293

You deserved it 30 228