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oh hey, that was my FML. I made an account just so i could say this to you... I wasn't faking being ill to go xmas shopping ta. I got my shopping out the way back in Nov! (no sick day!) I've got the flu bad, worse day to get ill!. I'm going into work tomorrow though despite how horrible I feel so I can speak to my boss about it!. Sucks to be me right now!

By doesn't fuck on the first, thank god - 23/03/2014 20:25 - United Kingdom - Southend-on-sea

Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML

agreeclassic 45 556

vote type 1 4 566

By Anonymous - 10/12/2013 17:26 - United States - Springfield

Today, marks my third day of school being closed due to snow. One, and only one, of the teachers has decided that we have to do work online in the meantime. I just so happen to be in three of his classes. FML

agreeclassic 45 553

vote type 1 4 801

By backtosquareone - 04/10/2009 09:42 - Canada

Today, after weeks of therapy for severe depression, my therapist thought it would be helpful to confess my deepest problems to my friends, to prove that it was alright to trust people. I did. They laughed. Hard. FML

agreeclassic 45 553

vote type 1 4 013

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

agreeclassic 45 552

vote type 1 5 898

By Wronged - 21/09/2009 10:53 - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML

agreeclassic 45 547

vote type 1 3 578

By nadalada - 18/02/2009 08:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a gift card for $32 to a local salon. I thought the amount was kind of random, but when I went in I saw that the bikini wax was $32. FML

agreeclassic 45 546

vote type 1 13 998

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 06:07 - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I found my diary on my mother's nightstand. Bookmarked. FML

agreeclassic 45 546

vote type 1 4 590

By violatedinden - 24/08/2009 00:57 - United States

Today, my next door neighbor told me that he liked the carpet in my bedroom. I live alone. He's never been in my bedroom. FML

agreeclassic 45 542

vote type 1 2 422

By crutchy - 20/03/2011 15:03 - United States

Today, at the age of 16, I'm recovering from hip surgery. My friends took me out to the movies to cheer me up. They thought it would be hilarious to steal my crutches and leave me stranded and alone in the mall, multiple times. It wasn't. FML

agreeclassic 45 542

vote type 1 4 081

By doubleCoupon - 24/06/2014 18:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend excitedly told me about the number of guys who are romantically interested in her. I realized how pathetic my life is when all I could talk about in turn was the number of coupons I got to use today at the store. FML

agreeclassic 45 541

vote type 1 5 586

Icepick in the ears time

By Anonymous - 08/09/2012 11:38 - United States - Salem

Today, I realized how much it sucks to have the same name as my dad when I overheard my mom moan his name in bed. FML

agreeclassic 45 539

vote type 1 2 570

Keep walking

By Anonymous - 08/04/2013 22:06 - United Kingdom - Kingston

Today, I was out when a guy walking with his girlfriend eyed me up. I made a shocked face at him and kept walking. The next thing I knew, his girlfriend was beating the shit out of me claiming that I was "the other woman." I'd never seen the guy before in my life. FML

agreeclassic 45 539

vote type 1 4 780

Thanks Steve-O

By Anonymous - 30/07/2014 08:21 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I spent six hours at the ER. Why? My husband dared our seventeen-year-old son to recreate a 'Jackass' trolley-hedge diving stunt at the local supermarket. What wasn't on my groceries list was a broken arm, fractured wrist, whiplash and cuts and bruises. FML

agreeclassic 45 537

vote type 1 5 137

By Mom - 11/06/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life. He's been moonlighting for two years as a male prostitute by the name of Peter Parker. FML

agreeclassic 45 535

vote type 1 5 599

Make your mind up

By fuck you, boss - 21/12/2013 00:30 - United States

Today, my boss scolded me for being too friendly to our customers and told me to back off and let them do their thing. Less than an hour after doing as he said, he scolded me again, this time for slacking off and not asking them if they needed help finding stuff. There goes my bonus. FML

agreeclassic 45 535

vote type 1 3 165

By kierstin - 19/10/2009 15:54 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because he has anger issues. Tonight, my tires were slashed. FML

agreeclassic 45 532

vote type 1 6 853

By Anonymous - 24/01/2011 07:29 - United States

Today, I was grounded for not agreeing with an article on dating my mom found in a very strict magazine. The article told parents to monitor phone calls, make rumors about their children cheating on people, and not allow their children anywhere but home. FML

agreeclassic 45 532

vote type 1 3 144

Make your mind up

By rollercoaster - 25/10/2009 19:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me. Completely crushed, I spent an hour gathering up everything he ever gave me. Then he calls back to say how stupid he was and how he wanted me back. I was ecstatic. An hour later he figured out he was okay with his first decision. FML

agreeclassic 45 532

vote type 1 4 715

By princesspuffypan - 05/10/2011 06:23 - South Africa

Today, I was supposed to get married but we had to postpone as the best man fled the country. With the marriage certificate and vendor money. Not to mention the rings. FML

agreeclassic 45 529

vote type 1 3 456

princesspuffypan app_comment_confession_title

princesspuffypan 10

Wednesday 8 August 2012 22:00

This is my FML... yes I am married now and no the cops didn't catch him. The reason he was best man in the first place was due to family politics. We managed to have a small wedding shortly after but we still had to pay cost of cancellation.

Flattery?

By theuglyone - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Port Perry

Today, I was told that I looked like a Kardashian by a total stranger. Flattered, I asked which one. His response? "I don't know, the ugly one." FML

agreeclassic 45 526

vote type 1 6 064

By yourmom - 16/06/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I was using a public bathroom when a woman backs in, pulls down her pants, and sits on my lap. Needless to say she didn't even notice I was there until I hyperventilated. FML

agreeclassic 45 526

vote type 1 4 749

By Katthebamf - 28/09/2014 14:25 - United Kingdom - Cannock

Today, my dad forgot I was on the back of his motorbike. He did a wheelie and I fell off. FML

agreeclassic 45 524

vote type 1 3 824

Katthebamf app_comment_confession_title

Katthebamf 29

Sunday 28 September 2014 19:59

I'm fine we were going around 25mph down a quiet road. I always wear my protective gear so no scrapes just a sore back. Yeah he did forget as I'm quite agile and move well with the bike. When he noticed he stopped and helped me back onto the back to get me home. He's been very apologetic ever since but I take it in good jest as we have a really good relationship. :) thank you for your concern though