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The all-time greatest FMLs

Work it!

By Anonymous - 21/08/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, my man said, "If you get more sore from your workouts than from having sex with me, I’m gonna cry!" Uhm… I do serious weight training, and in bed we both enjoy the missionary position, so… sorry for your ego, Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 168

Smug knob

By Anonymous - 03/02/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got his results from the doctor: the weeping sore under his foreskin isn’t an STD like I accused him of, it’s merely a bacterial skin infection from not washing his penis. He’s acting all smug, like not cheating on me somehow makes up for being a bacteria-ridden petri dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 387

Unfair!

By sean - 09/04/2024 21:00 - United States

Today, I got a warning at work for wearing my ear studs. Not only have I worn them the whole time for the last year I was here, I was unaware of this “rule.” I also was just told that the female employees are allowed to wear them, but men are not. “It looks unprofessional.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 155

Fingered

By Anonymous - 13/04/2024 21:00 - United States

Today, I got questioned by the police. Last night I was at a party when a bully of a kid who happened to be an aspiring MMA coach and local fighter was picking on me, stole my alcohol and threw me out of the party. I heard he got stabbed by someone else he was picking on after I left. The police insist it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 116

Pride and prejudice

By Anonymous - 27/01/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, in a misguided attempt to earn my asshole dad's approval I went to university to get my business degree and took over the family restaurant. Now I have all the stress of managing the restaurant, he has retired and is moving abroad. Oh, and he still isn’t proud of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 308

Unexpected

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 16:00

Today, I came out to my parents. Their response was basically, "Oh, you’re coming out? But we’ve known for years. It was obvious, so obvious we never knew you were in the closet in the first place." FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 989

Conflicting emotions

By Anonymous - 22/04/2025 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell down some stairs and broke my ankle. At the hospital, a nurse asked how far along I was and boom, one ultrasound later, I’m actually pregnant. I had to then convince multiple doctors that I did not in fact throw myself down the stairs trying to cause miscarriage before they’d let me go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 90

Bad sign

By Jules - 16/07/2023 00:02 - Germany

Today, with the help of a good map, I managed to figure out that a near-invisible path that I hadn’t even noticed was actually the continuation of my bike route. Twenty metres further, I found the signpost confirming this… quite well hidden in a bush. For anyone without a map, FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 199

Stolen valor

By ImpsonFamily - 26/03/2025 08:00 - Australia

Today, a manager was credited for coming up with a safety idea. This is the same idea I brought up weeks prior and was told it was silly by said manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 72

Hangry boy gotta have it

By Anonymous - 17/05/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my idiot husband broke his jaw and had to have it wired shut. I just caught him trying to fix it in his shed because he cut the wire with bolt cutters so he could, of all things, eat a steak before it went bad, then tried to close his jaw again with fishing line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 82

By Cheese4men - 14/05/2010 23:28 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 66

The cat's out of the bag

By Anonymous - 09/10/2023 00:02 - Canada - Laval

Today, I wore a new pair of shoes to work only to find out they make a clackety-clack noise with every step on the tiles in the company's corridors. My coworkers are now convinced I'm secretly training for a tap dance competition in my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 148

By B_and_W - 21/11/2013 11:35 - France

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 35

The YouTube police

By Anonymous - 11/10/2023 07:30

Today, just like almost every other day, my mom goes onto the computer and scolds me for what I watch on YouTube, even when the videos aren't that graphic. Today she scolded me because she found out that I'd watched videos related to the Max Headroom signal intrusion back in '87. Why can't I just watch what I want? FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 157

Fatigue

By Anonymous - 29/10/2025 09:00

Today, I’m tired of being blamed that my kids don’t want anything to do with their dad. He somehow forgot that they saw him cheat on me while I was in the hospital, got another woman pregnant while we were still married, and put her kids above them. He made his bed, so why am I the bad guy? FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 65

Bruce Willis move

By Anonymous - 18/11/2023 00:00

Today, my wife straight up knocked my mother out cold with a straight jab to the face, turned to walk away, cracked her neck and announced to the world, “I’ve been waiting 4 years to do that.” What the hell has been going on around here? FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 254

Short Kings

By nick - 08/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I overheard the girl I like tell her friends about me, “I like his personality a lot, it would be so sexy if he was taller. He’s adorable though.” I’m just below average height for a man. I wouldn’t even consider myself super short. I hate being 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 105

Never again

By Foool me once - 02/08/2023 00:02

Today, my long distance boyfriend left me for a local girl. My last relationship was also long distance and we were even engaged until he slept with someone in his hometown because his “horniness” was “becoming too much.” I think I get the hint now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 500

Forever alone

By Anonymous - 04/04/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I'm 23, but my development was starved due to my overprotective parents. My peers never accepted me, even though I tried to find someone to be friends with. To this day, I've been told I come off as creepy by more women than I have fingers on my hands. I feel like a fifteen year-old walking around in a man's body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 160

The Child Catcher

By Not a child hater - 30/10/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I had to chase down and tackle a boy (around 11 or 12) at my workplace after I caught him snatching someone's wallet and trying to quickly sneak out with it. Now everyone thinks I have something against children, even after I returned the stranger's wallet and explained that the little brat is a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 75

Through the wall

By Jeynna - 08/05/2021 00:01

Today, I bumped into my next door neighbor. She said, "Not for nothing, but I heard you fighting with your boyfriend last night, you're pretty harsh on him." I don't have a boyfriend, I was just drunk and castigating myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 888

Healthy relationship goals

By leapfrog998 - 05/08/2021 14:01 - Canada - Bancroft

Today, my husband told me to stop being friends with my best guy friend because I won't let him hang out with his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 989

Friends with unclear benefits

By LizzoGirl - 02/06/2025 14:00 - United States

Today, the guy who friendzoned me asked me why I’ve been acting distant towards him. I told him that I refuse to give boyfriend benefits to someone who made it clear that we’re just friends any longer. He responded with, “Well, if you weren’t built like Lizzo before her weight loss, I wouldn’t have friendzoned you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 238

Trust

By Anonymous - 03/02/2024 05:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my wife revealed to me that the doctor at the fertility clinic where we stored embryos is her ex-boyfriend. She’s now furious that I don’t trust that our freezer babies are mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 340

Father-son bonding

By Anonymous - 28/02/2024 02:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was dragged by my dad to the gun range for his pipe dream of a competitive shooting team. Apparently, plinking away on .22s while he and his ex-military buddies compare guns and trade sci-fi war stories until 7 PM is more important than the two research papers I'd set aside to write. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 163

Coinkidink?

By Anonymous - 11/01/2025 00:00 - Austria - Vienna

Today, the guy who left me for another woman before Christmas, and who ghosted me after dating for a few months, starts working at the same place as I am next week. I've been working there for over a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 81

FML Shitflix - Guess the Film!

By FML Approved - 11/07/2017 18:30 - France - Paris

We are pleased to introduce the latest addition to the FML video library: SHITFLIX! Listen carefully to the actors in this mashup of clips to figure out what movie they're describing. If you manage to guess right before the end, comment below!

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 162

Profile pictures

By Anonymous - 21/06/2024 00:00 - United States - Macon

Today, I went on an online date. I'd spent a while getting ready and making sure I looked good. When I arrived at the café, I saw my date and approached with a smile. He stood up, looked me over, and said, "Oh, I thought you were your profile picture’s friend." Then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 270

None of the above

By Anonymous - 27/06/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I borrowed my uncle's car because mine was in the shop. I didn't know the jackass had a "TRUMP 2024" bumper sticker until someone threw a rock at my head. Now I'm in the hospital with a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 271

By prevostsrocklike - 11/05/2009 12:38 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the sh*t out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 84

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The Top

Today, I was slapped by a fourteen-year-old girl because I was apparently "stealing her boyfriend." I'm twenty-five, and her boyfriend is my nephew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 295

You deserved it 2 085

Today, I was watching porn when I found a lookalike of my soon-to-be sister-in-law. She's attractive, so I enjoyed watching her getting it on by herself. Needless to say I did not finish as I saw another "lookalike" entering the room. I have now seen my brother's erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 049

You deserved it 4 435

Today, my 5-year-old cousin came over. We were on the trampoline in my backyard when he fell off and started crying and screaming. While I was trying to comfort him, my mom came out yelling at me for "pushing him off the trampoline" and grounded me for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 447

You deserved it 391

Today, a first date with a guy went so badly that he actually paid me to never call him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 537

You deserved it 5 404

Today, my boyfriend left me for my neighbor. Her name is Hope. She'd better "hope" I don't take a dump in her yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 420

You deserved it 16 511

Today, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop, when a creepy 50-ish looking guy sat at my table. He asked if I'm into submissive guys, and if I wanted to dominate him. I'm a 17-year-old girl, and am now scared to ever go back there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 826

You deserved it 3 111