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The all-time greatest FMLs

By TheBiker - 01/03/2008 05:54

Today, the weather was nice, so I went for a ride on my motorbike. I sneezed inside my helmet. Full-face helmet, might I add. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 86

By vivelesvacances - 21/03/2012 11:07 - Niger

Today, I came back from my long-awaited vacation in a southern country. No tanning marks to show for it, but I do have 176 mosquito bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 86

Red flag

By not good enough - 27/01/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Apparently, he spoke with my mom and the fact that she wants me dead is a huge red flag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 107

Pawpaw got game

By Anonymous - 19/09/2023 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my 80 year-old grandad is having more sex in his retirement home than I am as a married man. And by that I mean his care staff had to call me to say they found him having sex. That’s once this year, whereas I’ve not had sex with my wife in three years. I can’t afford to divorce her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 214

Old fashioned

By Anonymous - 02/02/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my mom my boyfriend started an argument because I’ve not been feeling well, so I haven’t cooked or wanted sex for a week or so. My dad piped up that if mom used such a lame excuse to avoid blowjobs and cooking, he’d damn we’ll start an argument too. Mom agreed with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 368

Dick inspector

By Anonymous - 15/07/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm a significant grower not a shower, so when not erect to 7 inches my penis really does resemble a cocktail sausage. So far my girlfriend hadn’t seen it soft but today she whipped my boxers down while I was asleep. The phrase, "Oh my god! What happened to it?" is now forever etched in my brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 144

Some me time

By Soon to be a widow - 19/12/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my husband had confessed that we couldn't go on a vacation this spring because he was out of vacation time. He took two weeks off and pretended to go to work, then came home once I'd left. Another woman? No, some stupid shit in his video game called "Runescape Leagues." FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 174

Keeper

By Janice - 27/05/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I found out that when my now ex-fiance said he “needs time to think about it” when he got cold feet at our wedding, he meant he needed time to screw his hot young coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 156

Dropped out

By Anonymous - 25/06/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, I lost one of my best friends because he has an insecure girlfriend. He just stopped contact completely out of the blue. Two other close friends died in the last few weeks as well, and I'm so heartbroken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 96

Hope

By Anonymous - 25/11/2025 00:00

Today, after six months of trying, my wife was convinced she was finally pregnant with our first baby, which we put off having for years until we got our careers, savings and house where we needed them. One trip to the doctor's and it’s not pregnancy, it’s early onset menopause at 37. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 140

Better late than never

By nice is not enough - 27/11/2021 22:59

Today, I had to admit to myself that I’m not attracted to my boyfriend on any level. I agreed to go out with him because he's a nice guy, but the reality is we have absolutely nothing in common. Not to mention, we have the sexual chemistry of a vegan and a bacon cheeseburger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 1 089

Send positive thoughts

By Anonymous - 13/07/2024 03:00 - United States - Nashua

Today, I learned that I am probably going to be homeless. My fiancé broke up with me on our two year anniversary because my mental health is declining rapidly. I recently lost my job and a parent. I have been isolating and no longer have supports. I just want my life to have meaning again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 139

Long list of grievances

By ADayAtATime - 10/03/2024 09:00 - Australia

Today, I had to sit and listen as a customer explained to me how we are all being controlled by chemtrails, how all the rich people are ruling the world from underground bunkers, how Michelle Obama is a man, how COVID was a hoax, and that the world is flat. I hate being in customer service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 145

Miscommunication

By Anonymous - 04/10/2020 04:02 - United States - Holmdel

Today, I went to a going away party for a coworker. I had brought weed for the party and at one point a guy asked me if I have a Grindr. I replied, "No, I don't use those dating apps. I do have a Fetlife but that's it, if you want it." He apparently meant a weed grinder. Most awkward 3 hours ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 1 318

Neat freak

By Anonymous - 15/12/2024 21:00

Today, we got a new kitchen but in my wife’s brain it’s so perfect that she doesn’t want it ruined by anything, so no one is allowed to use it. it’s been installed for 4 days, we haven’t cooked anything, used the sink, fridge empty. I can’t even put anything on the counter in case it scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 98

Thanks, Keir

By Anonymous - 03/07/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I received a letter informing me that my husband is considered fit to work and will be receiving reduced benefits. He was rushed to hospital yesterday and has a tube in his throat temporarily breathing for him. I’m sure a nice desk job will suit him just fine then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 98

Kids these days…

By Anonymous - 08/10/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent a good few minutes watching my wife thrash our son with a pillow because despite all our warnings to him about safe sex, he and his girlfriend are going to be parents in about 6 months, and they’re both 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 121

Bummer indeed

By Keerah - 18/05/2025 01:00 - Russia - Kolomna

Today, after being an "expert" in autism for over 40 years (yeah, I'm not a doctor, just autistic) I thought I'd seen it all. Bad relations, failed friendships and job interviews, etc. Now I find out there's such thing as a regress and I might completely lose the ability to talk. On top of that I'm losing my eyesight. Bummer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 115

Embezzled

By Anonymous - 23/10/2024 21:00 - United States - Ontario

Today, I'm a child star who made A LOT of money, TONS! My parents used it to pay all the bills of the house, claiming that we were really poor and needed this money. I charged over 5k per show (4 SHOWS A MONTH) and they would ONLY give me 20 dollars to spend. What happened to the rest? I will never know, I am SO BROKE. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 155

The FML Showdown!

By Louis - 12/04/2017 21:30 - France - Paris

If you're on vacation, you'll be wondering if your diving skills are up to scratch. Check out the competition in this video.

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 137

What the…?

By Anonymous - 05/02/2024 05:00

Today, my dad showed up at my house and offered to take me to my favorite restaurant. He drove me to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. He believes I only had my daughter, who I love with all my heart, because I drunkenly hooked up with a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 136

Sassy machine

By Shell - 14/02/2023 10:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, at the vending machine at work, I selected a regular soda but a diet soda came out. It turns out the soda I did select was stuck behind the bottle of diet soda. Is the universe trying to tell me something? FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 249

Great way to start the day

By Anonymous - 28/12/2023 15:00 - United States - Greenville

Today, once again, after dating someone for a month thinking things were going well, I woke up to a text message saying, “You’re really pretty and a great person but I’m not feeling a relationship vibe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 130

Dramatic Entrance Fail

By FML Approved - 01/08/2017 03:28

It's not easy being cheesy...

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 210

What?

By Anonymous - 09/05/2022 17:59

Today, I asked my son to repeat something he had said. He got right up in my face and screamed that it was time I got a "fucking hearing aid." His siblings agreed with him. My husband agreed so much, he won’t even punish him for yelling and swearing, because, “Honestly, we all wanted to scream it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 1 243

By Louna - 04/03/2008 23:08

Today, my phone provider informed me that I had 12 messages waiting for me on my voicemail. Happy to have friends, I listened with a smile. All of them were from my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 77

Public menace

By Anonymous - 06/01/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, my dad is too old to drive, period, and yet while I was at work my wife thought it was a good idea to let him try her new Mercedes, which by the way I bought and insured. He used the accelerator like he was driving a shitbox Nissan and destroyed our local kebab shop's big front window and door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 154

What could've been…

By Anonymous - 05/03/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I randomly bumped into the girl of my dreams, my high school sweetheart whom I lost 15 years ago when my parents decided to emigrate us. I couldn’t help myself, I went up to her hoping the old spark was still there. She was just as sweet now as she was then, just heavily pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 192

Sleepy Joe

By Justin - 22/02/2023 10:00

Today, I learned that all the caffeine my body can handle and boundless energy will not stop me from yawning. Thirty times in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 149

Messy

By Anonymous - 12/05/2025 09:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I had orientation at T.J. Maxx when I got my period and it was heavier than normal. I bled all over my pants and got so much of it on the chair, I couldn’t hide it. The lady doing my orientation had to get a whole different chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 82

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The Top

Today, I was trying to flirt with someone in a small bar. I thought they'd smiled at me, so I smiled back. Turns out, they were smiling at their phone screen. I just awkwardly sat there, smiling into the void. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 296

Today, it’s my birthday. My husband gave me quite the surprise. He shouldn’t have. He surprised me by letting me walking in on him doing my sister doggy-style on our bed. Happy Birthday! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 168

Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 665

You deserved it 5 636

Today, I came to class, prepared with my notes for the debate we were having today. My teacher then told me that I would be representing the opposite side I chose, despite her saying we could choose our own sides. This happened minutes before the debate started, and my notes were useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 849

You deserved it 2 206

Today, I think there might be something wrong with my family's cell phone carrier or cell phones. They use Verizon, I use T-Mobile. They use iPhones, I use a Google Pixel 8a. On at least two separate occasions, my dad hasn't been able to get my text messages. I can't afford to switch carriers or get a new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 95

Today, the gas station right in front of my apartment had people listening to loud music all night. I have this 3 hour test at 7:30am and didn't get any sleep. Worst of all, here in Brazil, calling the police won't help a thing. Instead of actually helping, they'll stop and join the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 838

You deserved it 3 336