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The all-time greatest FMLs

What hell, lady?

By Anonymous - 21/04/2021 08:00

Today, my friend wasn't responding to my whispers in the library, so I walked over and very slightly moved his chair. At that exact moment, the librarian walked in. Regardless of our efforts to tell her anything, she got us banned from the library. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 319

EMERGENCY

By I Was Going to Quit Anyway - 15/11/2023 09:00 - British Virgin Islands

Today, my boss called me to say that I'm fired because I was "deliberately ignoring" the messages from a head of another department who wanted to contact me regarding some "urgent" (not really) project. I was on "Do not disturb" because it's my vacation, and this SOB is not even my boss anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 101

Fashion week

By Anonymous - 31/10/2022 04:00 - Germany

Today, I know my clothing size and the clothes I buy usually fit me. Except for underwear. How come women’s panties always seem to be at least one size smaller than advertised? FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 155

Digging my heels in

By jj. - 03/01/2023 21:00

Today, my family dragged me to a steakhouse, knowing full well I'm vegan. I sat there, with my sad little salad, watching as they stuffed themselves with burned animal flesh and laughed at me. They wonder why I hate them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 1 635

He has your…?

By Anonymous - 07/02/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, in the middle of my divorce, I got paternity tests for both my sons. God must hate me. My eldest son, a criminal currently in prison who I utterly despise, is my biological son, whereas my youngest, who makes me proud every day to be his father, is not my biological son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 267

Another "nice guy" bites the dust

By Blueberrypie - 07/03/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, my friend and I went to dinner. At the end, he told me that he’s had feelings for me for a while and wants to be more than friends. I don’t see him that way, so I tried to gently reject him and wanted us to stay friends. He stiffed me with the bill and said, “You can walk home then, buddy!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 230

Content warning

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 00:00 - Germany

Today, I was working from home and had an important meeting with my superiors. It was fine until my sleepy wife came in and asked if I could find a better time for calls. I didn't notice her right away and failed to disable my camera. She was fully naked, and I received an email about inappropriate behaviour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 187

The final boss of annoying customers

By Karen - 22/12/2023 06:00 - United States - Akron

Today, while I was helping customers in the self-checkout, one lady wouldn’t stop talking to me. Other customers needed help and I was trying to go help them. When I tried to walk away, she hugged me over my arms, physically restraining me. I froze. I actually have PTSD from being sexually assaulted years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 126

Finger wagging

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 134

Bible belt

By Anonymous - 27/11/2021 14:01

Today, after I recently started going back to church, my husband, who was last inside a church when he was replacing a boiler, told me I’d better knock it off because our kids threatened to stop visiting, and our neighbours think we’re “that couple.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 635

Happy New Year 2024!

By Anonymous - 31/12/2023 17:01 - United States

Today, I hate fucking existing. I could literally die right now and know one would ever even check on me for months. I’ve literally gone 4 months with no work, locked in my house the whole time, and never received a text, phone call, or a knock at the door. Not a single person thought about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 326

Streaming

By Soiled - 12/02/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, I lost my balance while peeing. I'll let your imagination do the rest. In the meantime, I'm going to take a shower and change my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 203

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anja - 03/02/2021 03:30

Today, I was having a horrible day and messaged a friend to vent. She replied with, "Eat a cookie" and proceeded to send me a picture with a "motivational" quote from her buddhistic spiritual leader. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 260

Not now, little man!

By WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY - 30/05/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, this might sound silly, but would you like to know what I think is the absolute worst time to get an uncontrollable boner? I'll tell you: While a female doctor is examining your privates. I swear, if there's anything more embarrassing than that, I'd like to know, because I'm still mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 193

Spillage

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 06:00

Today, while at a restaurant on a date, I spilled red wine on the white tablecloth. The waiter came over with a new one, saying, "Don't worry, it's not the first time someone's spilled wine here." My date leaned over and whispered, "It's the first time someone's spilled it on me, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 156

Smart

By Anonymous - 14/05/2024 15:00

Today, I discovered my girlfriend stealing from my bank account. She thought she was smart by disguising her transfers as 'GAS BILL' or 'NETFLIX BILL'. Um, Netflix doesn’t cost £100 a month, and BILL is spelt with two Ls, not three. Reported for fraud; got my money back; single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 109

Some friend…

By Anonymous - 29/10/2022 16:00

Today, my friends and I went nuclear on a now former "friend," who we've discovered is a textbook narcissist. She unfriended all of us on all forms of social media, and tried to say WE unfriended HER, and overall tried to make it seem as though she was the victim. Thanks for proving my point, bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 300

Stuck together

By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 02:02 - United States - Wynnewood

Today, my mother is acting pissy because I poured my drink out on our front lawn. Apparently, this was, "ridiculous and embarrassing." Meanwhile, COVID is surging and it looks like I'll be quarantining with her. Kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 1 146

Cards on the table

By Anonymous - 21/07/2023 22:00

Today, I'm thinking of quitting the awesome job I love with coworkers I adore, because I keep fucking up every part of my job, making them pick up the pieces and correct my failures. They don't deserve this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 282

High flying old bird

By Anonymous - 08/04/2023 04:00

Today, while on vacation with my family, I went parasailing. Just as I was about to take off, the wind picked up and I got blown off course. I ended up crashing into a boat and had to be rescued by the coastguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 111

Very encouraging, cheers

By Anonymous - 06/08/2023 08:00

Today, I told a bunch of my friends that I have a crush on this one girl. They all said it's definitely one-sided and I have no chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 174

Creepypasta time

By Anonymous - 12/09/2023 20:00

Today some young teenager nervously approached me, saying he’d done a drawing of me, and that I could have it if I wanted, then he ran off blushing. I thought it was cute until I saw the picture. It was me and him in extraordinary detail, having anal sex, with a dildo up my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 171

Cook out

By Anonymous - 28/01/2023 12:30

Today, to impress my date with dinner, I spent hours prepping and cooking. Just as I was about to serve her, I realized I'd left the stove on and my kitchen was on fire. As the fire trucks arrived and my date looked on in horror, I couldn't help but think, "My cooking is so hot it literally set the house on fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 474

Good luck

By Anonymous - 17/01/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally came out to my parents and admitted that I’m HIV positive. Instead of being supportive, they made me call up all of my childhood friends and tell them to get tested. Playing at the park isn’t how it transmits, Mum and Dad… FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 181

Back to the comfort zone I go

By Anonymous - 24/10/2024 09:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I tried to step out of my comfort zone and go out with a guy who’s not my usual type. He spent the whole date griping and complaining about how women never go for “nice guys” like him. When I pointed out we were currently on a date, he said, “I mean hot girls.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 117

This is a low

By Anonymous - 23/05/2022 06:00

Today, I’m at a low point. I sank low enough to ask a coworker I don’t even like for a pity shag to boost my self esteem. The sex was great, excellent even, but when he left this morning I now feel even lower because I feel cheap and nasty, and I almost had to beg for someone to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 2 019

Drunk online shopping FTW!

By danielesnaranjo - 31/10/2019 16:00

Today, after waking up with the worst hangover in years, I got a bank notification that my credit card was maxed out. Apparently, I bought a $1500 plane ticket for my ex-girlfriend to come over this weekend. She’s in South America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 2 310

Never forget

By Anonymous - 02/12/2021 09:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up and went down to the park for a walk. I later realized I'd forgotten to bring the house keys with me, so I got stuck waiting until somebody opened the door for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 380

Familiar

By Looks familiar - 13/08/2024 11:00 - United States

Today, my coworker asked me for advice for a clever comeback after she got an unsolicited dick pic. I sent her some zingers to roast the creep into oblivion. Afterward she sent me screenshots. I recognized the mole and birthmark immediately. It was my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 133

That's great honey!

By Anonymous - 09/05/2023 10:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Bumble. He spent the entire time talking about his pet tarantula and showing me pictures of it, all while I made 'ooh' and 'aah' noises, as if the guy was a child showing me his kindergarten drawings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 263

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The Top

Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 081

You deserved it 6 149

Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 413

You deserved it 4 704

Today, I found a $20 bill on the ground, so I decided to pick it up. It was actually attached to a string and was meant to be a prank by some kids. They failed miserably, so I took the money. They ran up to me and punched me in the balls for taking their cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 510

You deserved it 7 501

Today, the fuck boi I’ve been seeing got so interested about my only bi experience, which was light petting in high school, that I’ve started making up far-fetched embellishments to the tale. I can’t believe the stuff this guy is willing to believe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 1 906

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 664

You deserved it 4 813

Today, while BMXing I felt my chain break loose. I only looked down for a split second, and that's all it took for me to crash into a young scooter kid, breaking not only my own nose and elbow, but both his arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 372

You deserved it 1 592