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The all-time greatest FMLs

Fresh start, sort of…

By robbed - 02/09/2023 22:00

Today, my ex-girlfriend from high school has been at her new college for a week. She broke up with me because she wanted to meet new people and leave high school behind her. That was understandable… until my best friend showed me texts from her trying to arrange to hook up with him when she’s back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 110

This season on Succession…

By DeathBySquirrelsShallBeHis - 10/07/2022 04:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my dad started openly playing favorites among his kids, just to start drama. I had to warn my little sister - the favorite - that he was using her senior photos to do it. I'm gonna kill him, and get her a better dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 148

By Pizza - 01/08/2013 02:40 - Israël - Tel Aviv

Today, I was delivering pizzas, and mine and many other delivery guys’ dream came true when I knocked and a naked girl opened the door. A 72-year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 97

By Mac22 - 12/02/2016 05:02 - Senegal - Dakar

Today, my electricity supplier cut my power off. Literally. They cut the cable that supplies my apartment in electricity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 62

Gimme dah maaahney

By Shawn Kotris - 21/05/2021 16:01 - United States - North Olmsted

Today, I've been waiting for over a year now to get my 2019 tax refund. I did mess up and underreported 2 grand initially. I resent everything as soon as I realized what I'd done, and I'm expecting a nice chunk of change and can't file my 2020 taxes until this is sorted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 261

Knackered

By mala_19 - 23/11/2022 14:00 - Sweden - Skellefte?

Today, I'm six weeks pregnant and so far I've had more naps than I've had in my entire adulthood. My last pregnancy I got put on sick leave, partly because I was so exhausted. Here we go again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 240

Sleep tight

By sleepy and scared - 09/07/2023 18:00

Today, it's been four straight nights of terrible nightmares. I’m afraid to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 123

Bad timing?

By Anonymous - 18/02/2026 00:00

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I buried my 8-year-old son two weeks ago and had my husband serve me divorce papers three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 81

Take the L

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 00:00

Today, I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning. As I was leaving, the receptionist told me to "have a nice day" and I replied, "You too, love you!" then I went back home and roasted in the embarrassment for an hour or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 228

Ow ow ow

By too much pain - 28/06/2023 10:00

Today, a few days after getting my nipples repierced, my man initiated sex. Normally, I love it when he's a little rough on my tits, and I guess he forgot about my not-entirely-healed nips. Let's just say sex ended REAL fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 483

By Matatat - 01/06/2015 03:55 - Germany - Pirmasens

Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one of my colleagues hit another with a sausage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 90

Intrusive thoughts

By Anonymous - 16/06/2022 14:00

Today, at a BBQ, my boyfriend's friend told us, “Oh, this reminds my of the time I got third degree burns on my dick.” He’s been trying to talk to me, and I keep thinking about it how it must look like Freddie Kruger's. I don’t know what I just agreed to help him with, but I’m sure it will be a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 295

Can't be bothered

By Anonymous - 07/05/2024 20:00 - Germany

Today, I told my man that, in order to get me ready for sex within a minute whenever he wants, he only needs to relearn how to go down on me, which he used to do splendidly but has somehow forgotten. He apparently considers this too much effort and will rather keep groping me unsuccessfully. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 191

By timero - 16/11/2009 06:59 - France

Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus with animals that can’t fit on your lap. He then hoisted it onto his lap, while the sheep stared at me, baaing loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 123

All shook up

By Anonymous - 12/11/2022 06:00 - Germany

Today, I realized that apparently there are only two general states of mind in my life: 1) Utter mental and physical exhaustion while wondering whether my job has irrevocably ruined my health yet, or 2) depression and latent panic for being an unemployed loser with no stable income. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 149

Good grief

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 00:02

Today, my mom wished her best friend a Happy Birthday on Facebook. Her best friend died this year. Oh, did I mention that it’s also my birthday? FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 131

Phoneless in Seattle

By Anonymous - 19/11/2021 23:00

Today, in a rush to get to the gym after work for a class, I left my phone in the office. It's Friday and the building will be locked until Monday morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 418

My booze

By I-Love-My-Wife - 14/01/2021 10:56

Today, it's my wife's birthday. She also sleepwalks, sleep eats and sleep drinks. This morning, her subconscious remembered it was her birthday and wanted to celebrate in style. I found my $200 bottle of Johnny Walker Blue was missing 3". She doesn't remember drinking it. I'm so glad she enjoyed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 279

Sounds like a Wednesday

By Anonymous - 03/06/2022 22:00

Today, I hooked up with a guy on Tinder, but halfway through sex, his wife came home. As I stumbled back into my own house, I realised with my new lingerie and two lots of taxi fares, I’d spent £170 and all it got me was one glass of wine, one mouthful of cum, and a black eye from his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 1 725

By Touriste26 - 07/03/2016 03:50 - Republic of Panama

Today, my boyfriend and I are going on vacation to Panama. When we landed, our suitcases were missing and the airline has no clue where they are. It’s 32 degrees Celsius outside, and all we have is our winter jackets and a pair of jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 133

Nice try

By Gog - 26/05/2021 07:59

Today, someone tried to scam me by selling me a ticket to a Chris Cornell concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 113

Not the brightest bulb

By Anonymous - 26/07/2023 03:00

Today, I found out that a female colleague thinks that because I got a vasectomy, I "got my balls chopped off." Then again, this woman also believes the cracks in her front brick fence are because her house is built on the equator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 111

Lonely

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 02:01 - Australia - Kenwick

Today, the only notification I got on my phone all day was a reminder I set to take a fibre supplement and stool softener. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 161

Devious

By Chrislj - 07/06/2023 10:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my manipulative mother got upset and started ignoring me. All because she lectured me about doing too much for other people, then proceeded to tell me all her problems, and I actually took her advice. Other people's problems are not my responsibility to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 136

I'm outta here

By Anonymous - 24/07/2025 13:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was on a first date with a gorgeous and seemingly fun woman. After ordering, she pulled some plastic utensils from her purse. She then explained, “I always carry my own because I don’t want to get a fork a black person may have used before me.” I got up and left without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 127

Alexa, play "Isolation" by Joy Division

By lonely - 19/05/2023 18:00

Today, I realized my best friend has turned into a penpal, as we never see each other, and only text about once a month. She was my only friend outside of family, and now I feel crushingly lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 120

Useless

By Anonymous - 23/03/2021 17:01 - Luxembourg

Today, I was forced to write a job application letter that boils down to, "I can't do this job, please don't hire me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 246

You get what you paid for

By María González - 19/05/2023 03:00 - Spain - Madrid

Today, while I was at work as a receptionist in a hotel in Spain, an entitled woman was pissed because her reservation didn't have breakfast included. I'd offered her three times the option to add it. She declined because she had to pay for it. She was pissed that she had to pay to include the breakfast in her reservation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 102

Practice makes perfect

By Anonymous - 03/08/2024 13:00

Today, my girlfriend decided to try swallowing instead of spitting. Now this was entirely her own idea, I never asked her to try, and yet when she gagged, vomited, and sneezed so it all came dribbling out of her nose, somehow it was all my fault because I’m "disgusting." I love you too, Sweetie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 172

Close to me

By Furnando - 06/01/2023 00:00

Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 1 165

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I received the 'special' present my mother had sent me for my 21st birthday. I opened the box and saw that my mother had picked out, accessorized and shipped to me, in college, a doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 888

You deserved it 4 530

Today, the creepy guy at school that won't take "no" for an answer came over with his parents to talk about marriage. My dad knows about this creep and said he'd cast them out, but things didn't turn out as I hoped. Apparently, part of the dowry is a Ferrari. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 283

You deserved it 213

Today, I tried helping an old lady with her groceries. When I asked if she needed help she smiled. When I took one of her bags she yelled. I didn't know she was deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 279

You deserved it 2 447

Today, while standing in line at the store, I thought I could let a small fart slip and blame it on the guy behind me. I did it, then turned to glare at him in disgust, only for him to turn and yell at the crowd, “This bitch farted, not me!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 1 489

Today, I laid out my feelings to my friend with benefits, and asked if we could get together and talk. Now I'm being ignored, and my heart is shattered. I always fall for Mr Wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 1 130

Today, I was in a meeting and someone behind me sneezed really loudly. As they were doing so, I felt something cold land on my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 691

You deserved it 2 681