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The all-time greatest FMLs

Classic

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 18:30 - United States - Newport News

Today, after I helped get my boyfriend get a new job, he thanked me by dumping me for some whore who works there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 1 254

Free carer

By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 05:04

Today, my mother-in-law moved in with my husband and I, where she shits the bed and herself. There's a waiting list for the nursing home, so in the meantime I’m cleaning up her shit and she isn’t even my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 244

A tale as old as time

By Anonymous - 04/06/2023 04:00 - United States - Miami Beach

Today, I went out with a girl, I paid for the drinks, and thought everything went well, even though I didn’t make a move, I guess I wanted to take it slow. I texted later to invite her to a private beach next week, only for her to reply that she’s not gonna be available for the next few weeks because her boyfriend is coming to visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 178

Blue Christmas

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 19:01 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I legally separated from my wife, after many months of her refusing to do any form of self-care. She doesn't wash, exercise, eat full meals other than fast food and she doesn't make any effort to be involved in me or who I am as a person. Christmas is going to be awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 184

Breakfast innuendo

By Anonymous - 30/03/2021 15:30 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I went to get a banana for breakfast and said to my mom, with whom I currently live at age 32 because of Covid, that I don't normally eat bananas, but it looked good. She looked at me and said, "You clearly need to get yourself a man." She's right, but jeez! Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 261

Cars can **** right off

By Anonymous - 31/07/2022 18:00

Today, I hate the legal profession with a passion, as I just walked out of court where a lawyer, spouting incomprehensible bollocks in Latin, convinced a judge to let a developer bulldoze a children's playground and part of a forest, to build a second multi-storey car park for the shopping centre across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 174

Running

By Anonymous - 18/11/2021 08:00 - United States - Yorktown

Today, I'm a teacher and was diagnosed with a sinus infection and UTI. The doctor warned me the two antibiotics may cause the runs. My doctor was right, they did, during class. I made it to the bathroom, did the deed, only to find out there was no toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 93

Republicans scrap child marriage bans

By what year is this?! - 27/03/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, I found out my 17 year-old cousin is getting married. My hyper religious family swears my concerns are just “masking” my jealousy. Yeah sorry for thinking such a young person, who is still a child, should have her own life before making such a huge decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 184

By Anonymous - 22/06/2019 20:04

Today, after being a few minutes late to work a few times this week, I left the house super early this morning. When I got to work, security hadn’t unlocked the doors yet, so I waited in my car, where I ended up falling asleep and sleeping through most of my entire morning shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 1 602

New Man

By Hrothebert - 20/03/2021 02:00

Today, my widowed mother told me she's been seeing a guy for the last 5 months. No problem. But now she insists on calling him, "New Daddy." I'm 37 and she lives across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 97

By rockonbaby - 13/01/2017 17:33 - France

Today, in the middle of 69ing, my girlfriend put my dick on her forehead and announced “I’m a unicorn!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 405

Great first impression

By FirstImpressionist - 11/05/2022 14:00

Today, at work, where I am the boss’s son, I introduced myself to the new guy and starting working on a project. Not five minutes into it, I apparently had a seizure, passed out, smashed my face on the work table, and regained consciousness in a state of confusion with EMTs surrounding me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 144

That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore

By JustAJokeMan - 03/03/2023 06:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I realized how visibly upset my boyfriend got whenever a certain female friend leaves. When my other friend and I teased him about secretly being in love with her, he completely lost it. He threw a temper tantrum, spilled milkshake all over the floor, and stormed out of the mall. It was just a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 240

Stuck

By Lexxxiii - 26/03/2021 11:01

Today, my friend informed me that I’m not moving in with him anymore, and that his sister is taking my place. Unfortunately, I'd finally gathered the money and a car to move out of state with him. Just when I thought I was going to get away from this hellhole, I’m sinking further into never leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 95

Dirty dancing

By Fiesta - 17/08/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, we were at a wedding reception. I had to explain to my husband why it’s inappropriate for another woman to dance with her butt gyrating on his crotch. He insists it was “harmless dancing” and to stop being a “party pooper.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 209

Glass half empty

By siamne - 28/03/2021 23:00

Today, after six months of eating a better diet and exercising every other day, I can now say that I am physically healthier, but the lifestyle changes have done absolutely nothing to help my depression. That was the whole reason I started doing this in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 128

Classic cat

By Anonymous - 09/10/2021 19:58 - Germany - Norden

Today, our cat wrote me a story: "This is where I caught a mouse. This is where I ate the mouse. This is where I puked the mouse." Unfortunately, she wrote it as a graphic novel on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 160

Morbid cringe

By Anonymous - 15/08/2020 02:02

Today, I realized just how pathetic my life is when I found myself fascinated by videos that a woman posts on YouTube of her removing ingrown hairs and zits from people’s private areas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 339

Infrastructurally deprived

By Anonymous - 26/09/2022 14:30

Today, I learned the “almost complete” transit that would cut my commute in half is delayed at least another year. When I chose my high school, they said it would be complete by the year’s end. I’m a senior now and it definitely won’t be done before my graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 164

Sleep punching is a thing

By Anonymous - 13/09/2021 02:00

Today, I woke up to a punch in the face. My girlfriend said it was because she dreamed that I'd bought all her friends Taco Bell but didn't bring her anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 105

Heartfelt

By Anonymous - 01/05/2022 15:01 - United States - Lake Stevens

Today, my husband put myself and our 3 year-old on a plane back to the other side of the US, because he “just can’t” with us anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 195

Not an Addams Family person

By Anonymous - 03/01/2023 09:00

Today, my girlfriend spend all day pouting that I wouldn't watch 'Wednesday' with her, despite my giving the pilot a chance and hating it. Yet when I choose a show, I usually get five seconds before, "What is this? I don't like it! Turn it off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 251

It's the new thing!

By Squeakyclean - 23/08/2021 08:01

Today, my 14 year-old daughter threw a massive fit over showering. She dislodged the shower curtain rod and threatened to beat us with it if we ever force her to shower again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 201

Frustration

By WhereIsIt? - 25/09/2020 22:01 - Australia - North Lakes

Today, I came home from a nine-hour shift and all I want is to sit down with a glass of Baileys. I can't find the key to the liquor cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 466

It's all too much

By SushiSpot - 13/06/2022 01:00 - United Kingdom - Jarrow

Today, on my first day off in over a week of working for my new job, and covering for a sickness at work, I get called into work for an audit… which we failed due to a lack of training. Where is the manager who's supposed to be training me? On holiday in Spain. Oh and my partner is considering divorce due to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 135

Chill out, dad

By Anonymous - 28/04/2021 17:30 - United States - Eden Prairie

Today, my father is incapable of doing anything without cursing and swearing so loudly that the neighbours hear him. If I ask him what’s wrong or to stop swearing at inanimate objects, he starts yelling at me for "jumping all over him." I can’t win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 164

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 22:00

Today, I was mauled by my own dog. I own a Chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 1 272

Girls will be girls

By Anonymous - 13/01/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 773

Mom of the week

By please come home - 30/11/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, my son spilled his milk at the table. My wife got in his face and screamed that he took her body, her career, her friends, and her life from her, then stormed out of the house. He won't stop wailing and crying, she won't answer her phone, and I'm completely shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 235

Family matters

By Anonymous - 14/12/2020 22:58 - United States

Today, I met this girl who's perfect. Turns out, since I'm adopted, she might be my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 115

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 260

You deserved it 4 538

Today, I spoke to my crush for the first time, and after a while he asked for my number. Ecstatic, I took the first piece of paper I saw out of my purse. I wrote it down and gave it to him, but he handed it back and said, "You might need this." It was an appointment card for my therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 213

You deserved it 7 997

Today, my son was crying because he's afraid he might get Ebola. We live in Maine, and he's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 269

You deserved it 4 930

Today, my boss caught me playing games on the computer for 4 hours. My boss told me to feel free and continue, but to pack my stuff up and leave when I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 105

You deserved it 69 717

Today, I gave yoga a try for what seemed like the tenth time. I underestimated how it's actually harder than it looks, and my gross unexpected sweat made my mat uber-slippery, and I ended up sliding into the person next to me. We both toppled over like human dominoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 158

Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 464

You deserved it 3 044