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The all-time greatest FMLs

By jswag2004 - 11/12/2019 01:00 - United States - Elgin

Today, I finally got the guts to ask out my crush. She said yes and I was really happy. Then I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 385

Insanity

By fmcsl - 13/04/2019 20:00

Today, a customer bought a luggage tag and asked what it was for. I explained and she asked if she had to hang it around her neck. I explained again and she said she didn’t have her luggage with her so did she have to hang it around her neck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 173

Time to move

By Anonymous - 22/02/2023 02:00

Spicy

Today, I found out the guy I consider my best friend has had a girlfriend for the past year, and they have been living together for the past 7 months. He and I have been having unprotected sex for the past 4 and a half years, and have even talked about having kids together. I only found out because I'll be their new roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 698

Great timing

By denae92 - 04/10/2019 04:00

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my boyfriend that I love him. We've been dating almost a year and in a few days we will be moving into the same apartment building and attending the same college. He said, "I'm sorry, I don't feel the same way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 232

Not all heroes…

By pooped - 12/04/2020 23:00

Today, at work, the only toilet in the building was so clogged that it was overflowing. We didn't have a plunger, so basically the only way to stop it was to try and reach in and remove the blockage. I was nominated to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 905

You deserved it 184

Close, but no cigar

By Anonymous - 21/09/2019 22:00 - United States - Athens

Today, my boyfriend tried to compliment my date-night attire. His brain couldn't decide between, "So pretty" and, "You're the shit," so his mouth decided, "You're so shitty" would suffice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 905

You deserved it 304

Almost done

By Anonymous - 16/01/2020 05:00

Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 905

You deserved it 420

Nice pic

By Anonymous - 17/01/2020 05:00

Spicy

Today, for the first time in my life, I sent a dickpic to a girl I had been talking to for a few days on Snapchat. Even though she had asked me for it, when she saw the pic, she blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 905

You deserved it 994

By Anon - 29/01/2019 02:00

Today, I was working on an art commission for some random kid's OC and I didn't notice that I made the nose look like a man's private parts. The mother was upset and spammed my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 904

You deserved it 500

Life is a roller coaster

By Username - 02/10/2019 14:00

Today, it's my birthday and my mom took me and some friends to an amusement park. Looking for a tampon, I found a phone in my mom's purse that I didn't recognize. Turns out my mom is cheating on my dad. Happy birthday to me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 904

You deserved it 179

Far out, man

By RyoKioKio - 21/04/2019 12:00

Today, after seeing my cat struggle to use the litterbox and produce nothing for two days, I caved and took him to the emergency vet, fearing a UTI. It wasn't. $200 and 2 Lyft rides later, he's stoned out of his mind and peeing just fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 364

Quite the journey

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 20:58 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I begrudgingly helped relocate my 84-year-old mother-in-law to our home at my partner's adamant request. It took months of stressful preparation, around $10,000 in costs, and some 500 km travelled via medical transport. Ten minutes after arriving, she had a heart attack and died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 204

Double dipping

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 08:00 - United States - Rahway

Today, I found out that I mean nothing to the man I have loved for over a year. He has been taking vacations with another woman, and is in fact, on a vacation with her right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 266

You must be kidding me

By SingleAndHomeless - 22/05/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, I came home early from work. My boyfriend and I live together. I open the door and I found my best friend watching TV on the couch, wearing lingerie. The room smelled like sex. She acted irrational and defensive, and had the audacity to ask what I was doing here. Bitch, I live here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 150

On the can

By Mortified - 31/03/2020 14:00

Today, I was using the bathroom at Costco when a janitor forced my door open so she could mop, then didn't bother to close it again. Apparently, the handicapped stall was too big for her to see me sitting in the corner, and I had to awkwardly squat-walk all the way to the door to close it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 201

Today, on Maury…

By twitch - 07/10/2019 18:00

Today, I found out I'm pregnant after 14 years of being told I'll likely never have kids. My fiancé has a 7 year-old child with a woman who used it to stop him from leaving her. Yesterday, she filed a false report/restraining order to keep him from his kid, because he refused to leave me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 198

Empathy

By m0r0n - 24/09/2020 01:17 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I started crying at work because I talked to a patient who lost his wife. They were together for 64 years, I can't even get a guy to look at me for 64 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 347

m0r0n tells us more.

m0r0n 9

Wednesday 23 September 2020 21:46

My first FML ever published, thank you! I did have extreme empathy for the patient, I held his hand and told him how sorry I was. I had recently been divorced after leaving a 17 year marriage, to an alcoholic, only to be diagnosed with breast cancer a few months after. I don't think I'm unattractive, I just seem to get the wrong kind of attraction. Fast forward, I am now cancer free and maybe someday I'll find that special someone. Thanks for your votes and comments!

It is kinda weird

By Anonymous - 10/06/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, about two years ago, my FWB pretended to be my boyfriend to get my mom off my back about being single. This ended up with our parents meeting, which ended up with my divorced dad marrying his widowed mom, so now my FWB is my step-brother and we don’t fuck anymore because he says it’s weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 420

Baker's dozen

By Glenn - 21/03/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad undermined my life's work. I finally opened my own bakery, but my dad told me it's a "sissies job" since it doesn't involve manual labour like he did for 50 years and I'll probably go out of business, because no one will want cakes from a 6 foot 8 man with tattoos, piercings and a shaved head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 129

By Username - 14/07/2019 20:00

Today, I learned that my 29-year-old boyfriend won't stay the night at my house because he lives at home with his parents and doesn't want to have "the discussion" with his mom about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 901

You deserved it 280

By Anonymous - 26/07/2019 04:00

Today, I came out of my bedroom to find my mom doing yoga in my hallway. Naked. She doesn't seem to think there's any problem with this. It's my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 901

You deserved it 149

Aced it

By Kanata - 31/08/2019 02:05

Today, my phone cut out during a call for a job interview. I tried calling them back, but there was no answer. Later, I got an email from the interviewer, saying I was no longer being considered for the position due to my being "rude and unprofessional." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 901

You deserved it 169

Freak scene

By Anonymous - 10/08/2022 14:00

Today, I have never been more disgusted at my daughter. She was on her phone and almost walked in front of a bus, until a man with some kind of facial disfigurement pulled her back. She called the poor man a "freak" and not to touch her, and he started crying. I'm ashamed to think she is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 901

You deserved it 482

Abuse

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 17:01

Today, I was taking Zoom classes. We live in a one-bedroom apartment, which means I could hear my mom and dad fighting. I didn't notice that my mic wasn't muted. Everyone in my class now thinks that CPS needs to be called to my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 272

By katie - 23/08/2019 06:00 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 4 113

Frustrated

By Anonymous - 22/06/2021 14:01 - Malaysia

Spicy

Today, my husband and I had a huge fight; I asked him if he could spend a few nights with me instead of his PS5. We haven't had sex in 2 months because he is always playing the PS5 at night till late, and he wakes up late too. This means no opportunities to have sex at night, or the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 317

Dad jokes, part #23555

By Lizzie - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner for the first time. As a joke, my dad answered the door wearing the white church robes that he wears when he is lay-reading during a church service, and said, "Welcome, child of God." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 354

Ahoy there!

By sanza666 - 26/04/2019 00:00

Today, I shattered a coffee pot at work and ended up with a piece of glass in my eye. Now I have to look like a pirate until its healed, and it's nowhere near Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 226

Waiting For Godot 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Lexi - 04/09/2019 12:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my muscles are sore in my arm. I told my boyfriend I think I slept on it wrong. Truth is, it's from masturbation. He won't have sex until we're married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 651

Sorry, but…

By Anonymous - 28/07/2019 14:00

Today, I was at a waterpark with my friends, waiting in line for about 45 minutes to go on the biggest ride there. When it was finally our turn, the lifeguard at the top pulled me over and measured me to see if I was tall enough. I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 899

You deserved it 481

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The Top

The Top

Today, I realized I was late for work, so I rushed out of bed only to accidentally step onto my dog which then promptly bit my leg and now I'm in the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 920

You deserved it 546

Today, after spending the day at work avoiding all hard manual tasks that may harm me, I had a table dropped on my foot. I broke my toe, split my nail and had to get a tetanus shot. I was avoiding injury as I was supposed to be performing in a figure skating exhibition this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 909

You deserved it 223

Today, I was diagnosed with chronic vomiting. I've gone to 7 doctors and tried 13 different medicines, with none of them working. I've gone to therapy and taken up yoga with no change. So apparently, throwing up daily at random times is the new normal for me. Yay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 770

You deserved it 1 214

Today, I was issued with a £60 fine for being parked in a supermarket car-park for more than 3 hours. I work there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 355

You deserved it 2 479

Today, I went over to my mom’s place to attempt to help her clean up, as she’s a hoarder. I was devastated to see that in order to make room for all the unnecessary new crap she buys, she stored all of our childhood toys, photos and the like outside in uncovered bins. It’s all completely ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 130

Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 775

You deserved it 10 184