The Top

hey guys, OP here. I would like to say thanks for the support on this post. So as for breaking up, it went as smoothly as I could hope for. She was kind enough to answer all of my "but why" questions and the candy was some of our shared favorites. I guess I should have seen the breakup coming but I was in serious denial for a few months. We are still on talking terms and are separating peacefully but it doesn't suck or hurt any less.. As for why it happened on our anniversary? It wasn't really planned in any way to be on that day. it just... played out like that. I know this sounds dumb but it was the first time we had gotten to speak at length in over a month. I hope this clears up any questions.. Thanks again for the support ya'll show

By PrincessOhNo - 12/12/2016 06:10 - United States - Bronx

Today, I dyed my hair back to pastel pink, which it hasn't been in over a year. It goes well with my skin and I was super excited about it so I decided to Snapchat my friend about it. Her response? "You were thinner last time your hair looked like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 970

You deserved it 1 121

Fake news

By Anonymous - 18/07/2014 20:04 - Curaçao

Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 359

You deserved it 3 464

Oops

By James - 05/11/2009 16:38 - United States

Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispered to me, "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party." There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 233

You deserved it 2 833

By lmao4eva93 - 02/07/2010 04:21 - United States

Today, I discovered my former boss from the job I quit 3 months is now my boss at my new job. He was the reason I quit my old job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 046

You deserved it 3 456

By cubs44fan - 04/03/2014 23:25 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I had the most intelligent conversation I've ever had with my boyfriend. He was getting really in-depth about subjects like biotechnology and gamma radiation. I soon realized he was only referring to the Incredible Hulk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 466

You deserved it 6 160

By LolaBell - 24/04/2015 14:12 - United States - Brookfield

Today, my husband admitted that he's been spying on me for the last 5 years to see if I was cheating, out of paranoia brought on by his own cheating for all 5 of those years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 723

You deserved it 2 235

By KarateKid76 - 05/12/2013 03:19 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 579

You deserved it 6 363

By Nerrh - 12/03/2011 10:53 - Australia

Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 246

You deserved it 33 680

By last time I drive stoned - 08/12/2012 17:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was stuck at a red light on an empty road for ten minutes before I finally realised that not only was I looking at the wrong traffic light, it was also broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 429

You deserved it 25 990

By jl_word - 04/02/2015 21:49 - United States

Today, I paid a local homeless man to rake the leaves in my yard. After paying and driving him to the bus stop, I found his shit on my back porch. I need new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 668

You deserved it 3 846

It's not what you think, sorry

By Anonymous - 30/01/2010 07:04 - United States

Today, I was driving home and stopped at a light. A cute guy in the truck ahead of me waved me forward and told me to roll down my window. It was the first time a cute guy had talked to me in a while so I was pretty excited. He told me to turn my lights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 341

You deserved it 10 241

By BDSM4Jesus - 20/01/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 176

You deserved it 4 562

By Whatthehell - 21/02/2016 01:35 - United States - Soddy Daisy

Today, I completed driving school. After 30 hours of classwork, 6 hours of driving lessons, and a very tough driving test, I passed and can now get a 15% safe driver insurance discount. My friend just told me he only had to watch a 15 minute video to get the same discount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 030

You deserved it 2 496

By Heyjai - 16/12/2014 14:31 - United States - Westwood

Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 153

You deserved it 14 406

Heyjai tells us more.

Heyjai 18

Wednesday 17 December 2014 22:16

Hi everyone, OP here. Thanks for taking the time to read my post. Just to clarify my "brilliance" in getting into this situation...it was my first day of a virtual class so I had configured the camera and mic to work about an hour before class started, and thought I had muted both...but apparently had not done these properly. The hemorrhoids was particularly painful that day, and I didn't know if everything was ok down there, which is why I asked for spousal assistance before they left for work. i used the bed as it was easier to prop up on that than any surface in the bathroom. apparently several other students thought to set up their computers early too. just my luck. I won't be making THIS mistake anytime soon...

By anditburnsburnsburns - 27/08/2013 18:13 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 305

You deserved it 20 794