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By me - 27/10/2010 12:36 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend elbowed me in the eye while we were sleeping. His excuse: "You shouldn't have stayed over." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 244

You deserved it 5 738

By ugheffmylife - 09/05/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I was playing with my phone and turned it on lock mode. I changed my lock code a few months ago, so that no one would be able to guess it. Turns out I can't guess it either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 707

You deserved it 56 564

By royallymessedup - 21/08/2014 16:36

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 674

You deserved it 7 895

New name just dropped

By firefliiez - 15/11/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, my ex decided he wanted to start calling me "Pup." I jokingly said, "Please! Call me anything but that! Sausage face even! Just anything but that!" Later, we went bowling with a large group of friends. He put my name in the board as "Sausage Face." Everyone agreed it will be my new name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 185

You deserved it 42 936

Thanks Susan

By ZombieGirl0417 - 30/09/2015 21:13 - United States - Jupiter

Today, my aunt asked to see my new airsoft pistol. Not thinking anything of it, I handed it to her. She shot me in the leg. I was standing next to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 235

You deserved it 4 508

By Apple - 12/06/2011 17:54 - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house, and I asked if I could try on one of her dresses. It was a little snug, but I got it on. When it came time to take it off though, it wouldn't budge. My friend and her mom had to cut it off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 516

You deserved it 34 867

By Jonnyboo - 29/08/2009 12:13 - United States

Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 572

You deserved it 2 804

WTF kid?

By Fag_Hag - 06/02/2009 01:30 - United States

Today, while my 4 year-old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 405

You deserved it 3 327

By Not impressed. - 19/11/2013 05:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, working in a department store, I spent at least 30 minutes helping a verbally abusive elderly woman in a wheelchair find an appropriate jacket for winter. She finally asked me to retrieve one she wanted in her size. When I returned she was in deep sleep, snoring and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 617

You deserved it 3 058

No excuses

By Ouch - 28/02/2015 02:25 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I broke my leg. My mom told me I still have to go to tennis class tomorrow because the course isn't refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 790

You deserved it 2 439

Poisoning

By anon - 07/11/2012 23:28 - United States

Today, I threw up after drinking a smoothie my mother made me. She then called me "ungrateful" and "immature" for not liking what she spent a long time making for me. I later found out that not only did she use expired yogurt, it was also a mango smoothie, which I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 757

You deserved it 1 827

Accept this gift

By for shite's sake - 17/01/2015 22:24 - United Kingdom - Mirfield

Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 691

You deserved it 3 736

By Unknown - 26/10/2008 12:56 - France

Today, I have blue lips because of a guy whose face I don't even remember didn't know the difference between kissing and sucking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 262

You deserved it 26 189

By idonteven - 12/08/2013 20:04 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 051

You deserved it 4 486

By hatemylifelol - 08/01/2016 20:33 - United States - Roseville

Today, I noticed I parked behind a boy I like. Trying to impress him with my driving skills, I ended up forgetting to put the car in reverse and rear-ended him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 231

You deserved it 20 906

By why me?? - 07/08/2013 04:21 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was leaving my friends' apartment in my mom's car and I backed into a fire hydrant. I lied and told my mom it was a hit and run. So she called the apartment complex. They had me on video hitting the fire hydrant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 083

You deserved it 59 695

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga class. Today also marked the first time I farted during yoga class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 829

You deserved it 5 609

By Anonymous - 06/12/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my mom doesn't know my phone number, but she does know the names of both of David Hasselhoff's daughters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 572

You deserved it 3 963

By gotthewrongman - 17/12/2009 17:49 - United States

Today, I found that my Facebook account had been hacked, and all my friends were deleted. As I tried to add them all back, Facebook reported me as a hacker for adding too many people too quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 557

You deserved it 3 729

By Anonymous - 13/07/2013 16:16 - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 231

You deserved it 3 637

Our pride and joy

By trgtyo - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I noticed my parents replaced my senior picture that hung on our living room wall with a painted one. Of our German Shepherd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 029

You deserved it 3 729

One stop cop shop

By Triumvirate - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned that making an illegal U-turn right after you see a cop doing one will not stop said cop from ticketing you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 795

You deserved it 42 715

Life's a beach

By MICHAELTHEA - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking on the beach when I tripped. I was about to land on a kid's sandcastle, so I tried to dodge by leaning left to avoid it. Before I hit the ground, I noticed the many rocks I was heading for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 170

You deserved it 4 468

By whathehell - 27/04/2013 08:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 162

You deserved it 3 644

Spit take

By gatorhead - 09/09/2010 18:05 - United States

Today, while eating lunch, one of my friends told a joke that made everyone at the table laugh. Apparently, the guy standing behind me overheard and was laughing too. So much in fact that he spewed the red Gatorade he was drinking all over the back of my white shirt and hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 490

You deserved it 2 508

By Anonymous - 24/07/2015 11:58 - Germany - Paderborn

Today, I asked my boyfriend to go to the airport with me, to see me off for my three-month stay abroad. He said no because the two-hour drive is "too boring". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 671

You deserved it 2 571

By Diana - 13/08/2010 01:06 - United States

Today, I was showing my three year-old that going down the deck steps are perfectly safe. At the top, I tripped on my shoe and fell head first down every step. I now have five stitches and a three year old who won't go anywhere near the deck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 611

You deserved it 8 242

By bridalqueen - 24/03/2009 12:43 - United States

Today, as a veteran blood donor, I made a friend who was donating for the first time- I told her not to be scared and that I've been doing it for six years and that it was a great way to help people. While at the snack area afterwards, I passed out, started convulsing and went into shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 212

You deserved it 7 485

Classic excuse

By bfall74 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was stood up by a blind date. After calling and texting her about being a horrible person, she called me from the hospital. She was in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 001

You deserved it 62 303

I'm not kidding

By ouchies - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to call the doctor to go and have them remove a tick that had got stuck to my man-parts while fishing. The receptionist laughed, because she thought I was prank calling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 336

You deserved it 3 702

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The Top

Today, I found that I have a rare side effect to the hydrocodone prescribed after surgery. One pill keeps me up for almost 24 hours. Either I'm in tremendous pain and try to sleep, or I'm not in much pain and stay awake. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 200

You deserved it 423

Today, I found out that my roommate is starting a religion in which he doesn't believe in humanly things, such as paying rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 169

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm boring and never go to the bar with him. He knows I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 321

You deserved it 2 228

Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 041

You deserved it 2 282

Today, my girlfriend decided to let me know that she almost left me for another guy not so long ago, because he was more handsome and talented than me. The reason she didn't leave, "He's out of my league; you're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 222

You deserved it 4 397

Today, there was a fire drill at my school. I was in the bathroom taking a dump, and if that wasn't bad enough, I got suspended for two days for 'improper procedure during a fire drill'. I didn't know you could get suspended for taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 406

You deserved it 4 387