The Top

As the OP, a few extra points: I'm female, he was about a foot taller than me, I'd come home from an 8 hour shift, and I called the cops once I'd moved down the street to a safe distance. If there had been people around, I'd have stood up to him, but I didn't want to add mugging to an already shitty day. But, at #29, I'll totally try that next time!

Classy

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 871

You deserved it 4 436

Customer service

By Anonymous - 08/08/2015 22:23 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I had to serve an incredibly rude and irrationally angry customer, but I managed to keep my cool. When he finally went to leave with his purchase, I wished him a good day. He whirled around and yelled, "I'll have whatever the fuck kind of day I want, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 076

You deserved it 2 157

By Sucker - 12/10/2009 19:31 - Canada

Today, after working another double shift because I want to buy my boyfriend a really expensive anniversary present, I get to his apartment to find him calculating in how many paychecks he'll be able to afford a Caribbean getaway. For himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 596

You deserved it 3 612

By jane - 09/10/2009 14:04 - Australia

Today, I was pretending to be a monkey for a "documentary". The branch snapped and I fell out of the tree and onto a car roof. It was after school, I fell onto the dean's BMW. The video was on facebook before I regained consciousness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 453

You deserved it 11 499

By Anonymous - 04/04/2014 17:26 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 110

You deserved it 20 390

So romantic

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Middleboro

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by handing me a ring and saying, "Let's get this dumb shit over and done with." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 516

You deserved it 2 020

By GreenScar - 11/03/2009 04:45 - United States

Today, my brother's new girlfriend, who is blind, asked to feel my face so she could tell what I look like. She said I was "unique". A blind chick just told me I was ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 833

You deserved it 5 641

By Yulia - 09/03/2009 10:09 - United States

Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 263

You deserved it 5 225

Distraction

By girlie - 04/03/2009 23:45 - United States

Today, I was in the gym when I noticed three trainers who worked there staring at me. Thinking that they were checking me out, i turned the speed on the treadmill higher. Finally one of the trainers came over, and asked me to leave until I got a sports bra that actually worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 460

You deserved it 47 523

By boss_daughter - 20/05/2015 12:03 - United States

Today, while we were at a work party, I noticed a drunk lady in the mix. I pointed out to my boss how dumb she looked. It was his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 584

You deserved it 14 273

By roostergirl - 22/08/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. As I was leaving his house, I heard him shout, "Hey! Wait! Sweetie, get back here!" He was talking to his cat who'd run out the door behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 834

You deserved it 3 442

Love is…

By LadyLump - 24/01/2010 18:12 - United States

Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 509

You deserved it 4 629

Weird flex, but OK

By mrwilly - 02/01/2015 03:22 - United States - Corona

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 905

You deserved it 4 906

By Anonymous - 15/09/2013 21:16 - United States - Dover

Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 207

You deserved it 44 249

Hicks

By >_< - 30/08/2013 22:56 - United States - Richmond

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest. She soon left in disgust. I haven't heard back from her since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 659

You deserved it 6 336

By Carly_Michelle - 21/06/2009 12:56 - Australia

Today, on the train home, two drunk guys decided to sit next to me and make casual conversation. This was fine until one decided to take a drink from his beer. While he did, he sneezed in my face. I still smell like beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 603

You deserved it 2 979

Carly_Michelle tells us more.

Carly_Michelle 0

Monday 22 June 2009 3:49

OK, yeah I posted this on the way home. I got home a showered instantly. Yes I am a minor. No I didn't take a drink from his beer, and I don't know why this got accepted. I am not an FML worker. Who gives a shit? If you didn't like it you didn't have to comment, or even read it. I really couldn't care less what you guys say, I just wanted to set some things straight. But yeah thanks for comments, so much! It only gives this FML more popularity. /End rant.

By notanightowlanymore - 05/01/2016 17:44 - United States - Clyde

Today, my grandfather showed up at my house in a panic. He rushed over, with a gun, because I wasn't answering his texts and he thought something had happened to me. I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 335

You deserved it 2 136