The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By aaannnddd there goes my boner - 28/11/2013 22:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I arrived at work six minutes late due to heavily congested traffic. This is just two days after my boss put out a memo saying that anyone who's late to work from then until the new year will have their holiday bonus pay forfeited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 231

You deserved it 8 428

By navygirl96 - 04/03/2015 03:54 - United States - Arvada

Today, I was expecting a card from my husband stationed in Japan, but he mailed it to my mom. Since I'm busy and don't see her much, she tried to help by mailing it to me. It's long overdue, and the post office never got it. The card came from Japan, only to get lost traveling from 30 minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 623

You deserved it 2 745

navygirl96 tells us more.

navygirl96 14

Wednesday 4 March 2015 18:04

Hi guys, I'm the author of this FML. To clarify I am not lazy or too busy for my mom. I work 10 hour night shifts and go to school. My mom is very sweet and was trying to help me out so I wouldn't have to make a special trip during my work week, and because she knew how excited I was for the card. My husband works 60 hour weeks so he probably didn't think about it. Thank you for the all the kind comments, many of you are very kind.

By Allycat - 09/10/2013 01:19 - United States - Ronkonkoma

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 178

You deserved it 5 117

By oooops - 24/01/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, was my first day at a new job. I was really pleased with how much positive attention I was getting in a mainly male office. Guess whose shirt was see-through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 756

You deserved it 36 308

By feelinblue - 23/06/2009 11:31 - Australia

Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 224

You deserved it 4 522

What are you doing?

By Tyler - 25/08/2013 04:30 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 265

You deserved it 9 708

By crazy cat lady - 03/12/2014 23:24 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 365

You deserved it 3 681

By mike - 10/07/2013 07:51 - United States

Today, I was over my grandparents' house for my grandfather's birthday. For years they would talk to each other in Italian and I could never understand them, so I started to take an online class to teach myself Italian. Now I know all they talk about is how much they hate everything about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 551

You deserved it 4 507

By ncbb5 - 04/11/2015 18:57

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if you mix beer, an axe, shotgun shells and bad judgment, you get a rather expensive hospital stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 652

You deserved it 2 824

ncbb5 tells us more.

ncbb5 18

Thursday 5 November 2015 14:51

Hey, op here. I was supposed to spend the day with my boyfriend but I got called to work. I told him don't do anything stupid. We know how that turned out. Anyway he's fine now just whining like a baby.

Chunks

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 20:02 - United States

Today, I learned that no matter how much you assume that the crunchy bits in a bag of crisps are in fact crisps, you will occasionally find that your assumptions are wrong. Beetles just don't have the same appeal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 528

You deserved it 5 883

By ollie179 - 15/08/2011 19:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 381

You deserved it 39 494

Busted

By Anonymous - 05/06/2012 18:47 - Brazil - Americana

Today, I was at work, reading some funny stories on my phone. Just as one of my co-workers decided to share that his father had passed away recently, I burst into uncontrollable, teary-eyed laughter at a story. They don't believe my explanation, and have branded me the office asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 937

You deserved it 9 176

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, I got a new job. I'm 26 and I left an amazing job to move back to be around my family. I have no choice but to take this job. I will be placing my finger in a dead turkeys ass, cutting open its stomach, and ripping out its guts. 15 per minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 123

You deserved it 10 786

By madd_dizzle - 25/10/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, my crush finally let me drive his truck for the first time in a empty parking lot, after he told me he liked me. It was so dark that I ended up driving into and pole and totaled his car. Now he hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 754

You deserved it 43 460

Orders

By belljars - 18/04/2014 02:27 - United States - Riverside

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 274

You deserved it 9 168

By snazz23 - 05/08/2016 15:58 - United States - Houston

Today, I learned that marriage isn't all roses and sunshine. Instead, it's digging an infected ingrown hair out of your husband's ass cheek because he can't reach it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 568

You deserved it 1 754

snazz23 tells us more.

snazz23 20

Sunday 7 August 2016 0:58

OP here! So, we're very open about our gross habits. We have no problem popping each others pimples and such. I was actually the one to point out the infection and asked if he wanted me to get it. I'm not grossed out by it, I simply found it funny that everyone always says what bliss being a newlywed is and here I am squeezing and digging and infected hair our of my husband!