The Top

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By FuckYou - 02/07/2012 06:07 - United States - Santa Maria

Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 653

You deserved it 54 086

Put it away!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Spring Grove

Today, an extremely hot police officer reprimanded me. It was pretty awkward considering she stopped me because of public urination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 986

You deserved it 35 066

I'm so tired

By A. - 15/04/2009 07:48 - Canada

Today, after two weeks of living on plain pasta, I finally got my paycheck and was excited that I'd get real food, and ride the subway instead of exhausting my malnourished body with the two-hour walk to work. My surname was misspelt on the check; the bank is holding it for ten days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 330

You deserved it 4 114

By anal4me - 05/04/2012 20:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got my license. Instead of congratulating me, my buddies created a betting pool for when I get into a serious accident. Thanks for the support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 866

You deserved it 3 837

By Charlie - 05/05/2011 03:30 - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend of four months home for dinner to meet my parents. The first thing my mom says to her? "Oh my God, you're real!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 525

You deserved it 4 914

By stuck - 23/03/2015 15:51 - United States - Bridgeview

Today, my boyfriend wrecked our car. Now I can't get to work in order to make the money we need to buy a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 615

You deserved it 4 669

By generic_name123 - 09/03/2015 13:55 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams' phone number. After texting her "Hey, is this Stephanie?" I got response saying "Sorry bro, I know how you feel, she did the same thing to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 650

You deserved it 3 366

By Alex - 05/02/2016 22:55 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 108

You deserved it 2 984

By Anonymous - 24/07/2012 02:08 - United States

Today, I saw a news story about how wearing flip-flops is dangerous. I scoffed at the ridiculous study and went about my business. Three hours later I accidentally ripped off my toenail. While wearing flip-flops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 025

You deserved it 22 921

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, after getting an expensive haircut, I showed it to my boyfriend. Instead of saying, "Wow, those bangs look great on you" he said, "Wow, you look really good when you don't show your forehead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 612

You deserved it 4 748

By thatguy8878 - 26/06/2015 20:41 - United States - Smethport

Today, my brother tried cremating our deceased cat. In the oven. My nose has killed itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 259

You deserved it 2 332

thatguy8878 tells us more.

thatguy8878 14

Sunday 28 June 2015 8:53

My little brother is five, and, yes, it has been discussed with him why that was a terribad idea for those of you who asked.

By hastobeajoke - 31/01/2012 18:45 - United States

Today, I submitted my 208th job application in less than a year, and went to my 83rd and 84th interviews, only to be told once again that I'm over-qualified for the first, and under-qualified for the second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 953

You deserved it 2 450

By 420dits - 26/01/2010 01:16 - Canada

Today, my crush went on webcam on MSN. He looked really adorable, so I took about 6 screen shots and copied them into paint. I accidentally took a screenshot of my screen with all the pictures on paint and copied it into the conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 020

You deserved it 44 897

By frustrated - 17/08/2013 22:56 - Ireland - Killarney

Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 182

You deserved it 7 419

By Missyangel - 31/12/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, my 7 year-old looked at me and stated, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 391

You deserved it 11 465

How dare you ?!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I noticed a young child wandering out onto a busy street. I managed to grab his arm just as he stepped off the sidewalk and yank him away from almost certain death. My reward was his mother, who was on her cell phone the whole time, screaming at me for touching her child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 656

You deserved it 2 582

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 23:24 - Canada

Today, I finally had enough money to buy my girlfriend an engagement ring, which I was going to pick up after work. On my way to work, I slid on the ice and crashed into a parked vehicle. The damage to my car is almost twice the amount of the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 745

You deserved it 3 580

By waaah - 25/06/2012 07:00 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He decided he would be a gentleman and do this to me at work, over text, during a rush of unsympathetic customers, the day before our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 440

You deserved it 2 745

By i hit a cyclist - 27/05/2013 11:19 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 095

You deserved it 25 639

Not loving it

By jen - 14/03/2013 10:52 - United States

Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 163

You deserved it 39 605

By maybe dead in a day - 20/01/2013 19:28 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 902

You deserved it 4 254

By satega - 17/11/2012 09:15 - United States - Smithville

Today, I asked my manager if wearing makeup was a requirement for the job. She told me, "Not if you're naturally pretty... So for you, yes". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 178

You deserved it 3 524

By Anonymous - 15/02/2015 17:57 - Denmark

Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 433

You deserved it 3 277

By left4dead - 27/10/2012 20:04 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went on a field trip with some people from school. I'm currently confined to a wheelchair, so I had to rely on my sister to get around. She eventually went off with her friends, assuming that the people nearby would keep me company. Five minutes later, they'd all left me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 868

You deserved it 2 090

By notaguidette - 23/01/2010 19:47 - United States

Today, I weighed myself. When I was fifteen, my mom yelled at me, saying that I was going to end up being 200 pounds by the time I was forty. Well, mom, you're wrong. At this rate I'll be 200 pounds by the time I'm twenty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 975

You deserved it 37 980

By Anonymous - 11/10/2012 19:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to be treated for chemical burns, because my mother got the bright idea of using paint thinner to clean me up after I'd painted our living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 449

You deserved it 3 042

By Ducati - 10/08/2009 02:13 - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 882

You deserved it 13 484

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 448

You deserved it 5 842

Back and forth and back again

By Anonymous - 07/01/2015 19:37 - Guam - Barrigada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over a stupid argument, but after a long day we made up and got back together. Not long afterwards, my friend called, feeling guilty and confessing that he had sex with her after finding out she'd dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 132

You deserved it 3 940

By Alanis - 21/07/2012 01:59 - United States

Today, I confessed to my co-worker that I've secretly loved him for months. He laughed hysterically for about a minute straight before shaking his head and excusing himself from the store. Even the fact that my boss fired him for leaving early isn't cheering me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 483

You deserved it 4 065

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The Top

Today, my wife dumped me because I have a non-operable brain tumour. It’s not going to kill me, just gives me intermittent symptoms resembling a stroke. She said she couldn’t handle being my carer and left. I don’t need a carer, sometimes I just need to sit until the symptoms go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 66

Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 367

You deserved it 4 358

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 966

You deserved it 7 038

Today, I shat myself during a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 686

You deserved it 993

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 527

You deserved it 3 877

Today, I was in Brooklyn for a meeting. I parked my car but my iPhone didn’t save my location. Where is my car? Called NYPD. No car towed. I had to walk 3 hours in the rain to find it thanks to the “Panic” button. So glad I found my car, but the “Loud Panic” button didn’t want to stop for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 2 113