The Top

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By mettaton - 17/01/2019 00:00

Today, I realized that my mom talks to me with the exact same tone of voice she uses for my little cousin. I’m 23 and my cousin is 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 326

You deserved it 338

Feeling a little lighter

By TheBetterRedhead - 28/03/2017 12:00

Today, on my way home from grocery shopping, two young adults around my age came up and asked me for a lighter. Thinking they just needed it to light a cigarette, I handed them my only lighter. They immediately ran away. I got robbed for a 1.99$ lighter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 884

You deserved it 536

Petty bitches

By Sad - 24/03/2022 16:00

Today, my mother passed away in the hospital. My sister and brother refused to tell me which hospital she was staying at so I couldn’t say goodbye. They blocked my number. This was all because apparently I was the favorite and they did this as a vendetta against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 769

You deserved it 108

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 04:00

Today, I made eye-contact with a cute guy in a store. Too bad he saw me buying anti-diarrhea medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 787

You deserved it 227

Tasty

By Mighty Mouse - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out the coffee mug my housemate uses to thaw dead mice for his snake is the same mug I use for my morning coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 423

You deserved it 509

By love4cheese1197 - 02/08/2019 20:00

Today, I had to listen to my best friend explain how to properly unstick one's balls from one's leg. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 251

By Anonymous - 16/08/2017 13:00

Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 225

You deserved it 287

Sounds fishy

By Liisaz34 - 18/04/2021 00:30

Today, my boyfriend is spending a lot of time hyping up his female best friend who is participating in a modeling competition, trying to get her to win. When I asked this guy to help support my small business, he said he, “didn’t have time” to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 175

Pick me!

By Anonymous - 13/05/2021 17:01

Today, I wore my tightest, slightly too small, push-up bra and low cut top to impress a guy at work. He came over to borrow a pen. I leaned down to get one out of my bag and my nipple popped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 2 009

Sharing is caring

By Cirese Summerrose - 21/09/2019 18:00

Today, I found out I have herpes. I'm 9 months pregnant and have only been with my husband. It just so happens that our roommate just got over herpes. I thought they were just spending time together, bonding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 326

You deserved it 285

Opposites attract

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 14:01

Today, and in the past few weeks, my new girlfriend revealed she doesn’t think COVID is real, the vaccine is a government tracking chip, thinks Scientology makes sense, global warming is a ruse, poor people are poor because they’re lazy… Oh and she always votes Conservative. Boy, can I pick em. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 607

Cost effective

By apawn - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I had the option of choosing a train or a plane to get to my destination. The train was cheaper but took 4 hours longer, so I picked the plane. My flight was delayed, so I essentially paid more to arrive later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 225

You deserved it 1 960

But I'm a man

By moneyman - 05/01/2020 20:00

Today, I went on a date with a beautiful woman I had recently met. Great food, great conversation, and a great connection. That is, until she revealed that she is a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 162

You deserved it 351

Love is strange

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 22:00

Today, I learned that, just like in the movies, your ex-boyfriend can eventually wind up being your stepfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 135

You deserved it 148

M'ladies…

By Anonyme - 07/06/2025 15:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I was at brunch when I heard a table of women laughing loudly and swearing. I went over and politely told them that their language was unattractive and unladylike. They laughed like hyenas and cussed me out until I walked back to my table. At this rate, I’ll never find a decent wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 1 617

Valid reason

By stephhh055 - 21/10/2019 16:00 - United States - Portland

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 532

You deserved it 276

Run for the hills

By Glume - 10/12/2023 17:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight. We yelled for 20 minutes and then he put his hands on my neck. Once we'd calmed down, he explained he wanted to strangle me like Homer does Bart, but didn't follow through. This all started when I asked if he read a text I sent earlier in the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 171

Physician, heal thyself

By MDpending - 01/11/2019 13:00 - United States

Today, just 8 months away from graduating medical school, I successfully diagnosed myself with basal cell carcinoma. At least all that studying is paying off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 465

You deserved it 155

By Anonymous - 11/01/2018 19:00

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and my boyfriend thought it would be cute to carry me to bed. He knocked my head on the door frame and I pretended it didn't hurt because he felt so bad, but I shouldn't have. I was rushed to the hospital hours later with a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 957

You deserved it 682

By otherdad? - 30/03/2018 19:00

Today, I tried to explain my 8-year-old son that my fiancée was going to be his stepmother. Little did I know, he watched Coraline last week. Now he thinks she's his "other mother" and won't go anywhere near her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 865

You deserved it 448

Small comforts

By Anonymous - 22/03/2020 22:36

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend admitted to having an affair. To comfort me, he said, "But you have bigger boobs, so you have nothing to worry about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 198

Checks and balances

By letmefallasleep - 01/04/2020 14:00

Today, I found out my husband has racked up $3000 on our credit cards, and ruined my credit score. When confronted, all he had to say was, "Well you didn't tell me when you bought that ten-dollar t-shirt, so I guess we're even." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 378

You deserved it 253

Sensitive

By Anonymous - 19/02/2024 08:00

Today, even though I told my son I had vegan burgers for him, he brought enough vegan food for everyone at a barbecue, and tried to get everyone to try it. Not one person ate a damn bit of it, and he’s now crying, all while blocking our drive with his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 240

By R2A8 - 18/07/2018 02:30 - Kenya - Nairobi

Today, I took off my fake lashes. My fake lashes took off my real lashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 177

You deserved it 2 410

By Anonymous - 02/05/2016 01:07 - United States - Crown Point

Today, my mom called me in a panic because someone had hacked my phone and was sending her evil faces. They were emojis I'd accidentally butt-dialed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 801

You deserved it 1 190

He has issues

By just a joke - 08/06/2020 20:08

Today, I playfully drew thick eyebrows on my one-year-old son to make him look like a cartoon villain. He laughed cutely in the mirror as I took some adorable pictures. When my husband saw, he threw such a horrendous fit about boys and makeup, I was reduced to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 713

You deserved it 378

By devourer, apparently - 14/08/2018 22:18

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me that I had grown on him. I thought it was cute, until he added, "like a flesh eating bacteria". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 444

You deserved it 271

Hairy situation

By Anonymous - 27/06/2020 14:03

Today, after taking hair growth pills and using hair growth medicated shampoos, I have not seen any different in my thinning hair. Can't say the same about the hair sprouting on my knuckles, chin, and toes. My pubes are very thick, silky, and luscious thanks to the treatment. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 211

When nature calls

By ClaraB - 11/10/2021 23:01

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in a bathroom stall. Someone’s little brat had to come in and peek under the stall. She yelled, "Mommy there are two naked people in here!" Her mother bitched us out for, “ruining her daughter’s innocence." The cops were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 6 120

Watch the world crumble

By Anonymous - 06/06/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the drop dead gorgeous fun bubbly woman I hit it off with is actually a disgusting, scheming whore who seduces married men, then blackmails them for money. I can’t afford to pay her, nor can I afford my wife to find out. I’m screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 1 971

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The Top

Today, my office building had a surprise fire drill. As I rushed to exit, I realized that I’d put on a shirt that was way too tight. It felt like it was practically cutting off my circulation, and I couldn’t breathe too well. I tried to suck in my stomach but almost passed out in the process. I spent the rest of the drill struggling with my shirt while people gave me weird looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 466

Today, while watching Game of Thrones, my boyfriend remarked that he doesn't think that "sibling incest is a big deal" and doesn't "get why it's illegal." He has 2 sisters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 029

You deserved it 605

Today, my six year-old son maxed my credit card on Robux. FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 619

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I like, but I had to pee really bad. It got really wet down there, and he thought I squirted. I peed everywhere. I let him believe he made me squirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 406

You deserved it 766

Today, I caught a flight to see my boyfriend, who is stationed in the army 300 miles away. When I was just 15 minutes from the base he called to say that we should break up. Now I'm heading back to California, single and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 217

You deserved it 687

Today, I got stung by a bee. On my eyelid. I'm allergic so it's swollen up so much, I can't even open my eye. Tomorrow is the first day of a new prestigious school. I either have to go to school wearing an eye-patch or walk around looking like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 845

You deserved it 3 340