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Dodgy dad

By Anonymous - 23/02/2017 01:00 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, nobody wanted to come to my graduation after finding out that my father was coming too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 917

You deserved it 465

By dragonstooth257 - 25/02/2019 16:00

Today, my child is so super clingy and needy, I have to sit and watch her bounce on the trampoline attentatively or else face hours and hours of whining. She's like the Screamapillar from the Simpsons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 603

You deserved it 1 511

By Anonymous - 17/11/2016 03:39 - Australia - Cardiff

Today, upon applying for a new job to leave my old crappy job I was informed by my new potential employer that he was unable to hire me because he is friends with my current boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 031

You deserved it 729

That's… a crime?

By Anonymous - 04/03/2021 05:01 - Canada

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that I see a therapist every week because, amongst other things, I'm terrified of being locked in a room. He didn't believe me, so he locked me in the bathroom "for a laugh." I had a panic attack and passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 791

You deserved it 142

By OneGirlsLife - 15/06/2017 06:00 - United States - Spartanburg

Today, it was supposed to be my birthday dinner with two of my friends. They're both now bringing their boyfriends, so I get to be the fifth wheel to my own birthday dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 944

You deserved it 378

Dad! No!

By Ginger - 08/07/2017 16:30 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I got married. My dad wanted to see me before the ceremony in my dress. The dress I wore was not my usual kind of dress, strapless. The first thing my dad said, "Ginger! You've got boobs!" Not exactly the father-daughter moment I'd envisioned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 179

You deserved it 550

White lie

By Sorrymom - 11/08/2017 01:30

Spicy

Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 493

You deserved it 928

That's quite a gamble, sir

By Enrique - 29/04/2021 23:01

Today, I called off my engagement because I fell in love with my best friend of 10 years since we recently reconnected. I confessed my feelings to her and asked her out. She rejected me and said she only sees me as a friend. Now I’m completely single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 4 153

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I had a bad and very unenthusiastic one night stand and tried to quietly order an Uber while she was getting dressed. Turns out, she's an Uber driver and being as she was in the area, the alert came over her phone. She was furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 874

You deserved it 915

Not. Helping.

By It's-only15-lbs-extra - 14/12/2017 15:00

Today, because of my full-time job, full-time courses, studying for the GRE, anxiety disorder, insomnia, and a recent pet death, I'm on the verge of a breakdown. My mother texted, "Looking through old photos, you were so skinny, what happened?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 470

You deserved it 462

By Broke Ass Hoe - 28/12/2017 15:00

Today, as I realized I'm too broke to go out and get more toilet paper, I noticed my cat chewing on something and tearing it apart. It was my last roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 779

You deserved it 608

By Anonymous - 06/02/2018 19:00

Today, my best friend of 12 years traveled cross country to help me recover from major surgery. I've been sitting in the hospital by myself while she has sex in my empty apartment with some guy she met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 678

You deserved it 497

Ouch

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 15:00

Today, accustomed to dealing with my old car's faulty accelerator, I pressed the pedal way too hard in my new car and crashed into a pillar, totaling the engine, and giving myself a concussion. I could still see the dealership down the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 551

You deserved it 4 240

Sexy talk

By ... - 18/02/2018 01:30

Spicy

Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 412

You deserved it 5 665

Temptation

By Anonymous - 20/09/2022 15:00

Spicy

Today, a woman I work with asked me out. She is smart, funny, beyond gorgeous, and I’d be a fool to say no. Unfortunately, she has done jail time for smashing her last boyfriend's penis with a bat and he lost a testicle. What do I do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 324

The Times They Are a-Changin'

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 16:01

Today, thanks to my ex-husband's misogyny, my son is now convinced girls are inherently weaker and that if he had to, he could beat any woman in a fight, even if she was a trained martial artist or a soldier, because, "Men are the stronger gender." I can kick both their asses, husband and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 285

Deal or no Deal

By Anonymous - 16/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's farts got so bad that we made a deal: every day that he doesn't fart, he gets a blowjob. Suddenly, he's not letting gas out anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 2 134

Graded

By HDcashier - 24/04/2020 17:00

Today, while cashiering, I rang out a father and his son who looked about eight years-old. The dad jokingly told his son that I was a 10/10 in looks. The son then looked at me for a few seconds and said, "No, probably more like a seven." Thanks a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 745

You deserved it 223

Thief

By Mommabear - 15/06/2018 01:30

Today, I caught my husband's crazy aunt attempting to steal from my daughter's piggy bank. When I confronted her, she tried to defend herself by saying, "She's 2 months-old, she doesn't need the money!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 161

You deserved it 260

By swip - 29/07/2018 20:30

Today, my previously blond boyfriend dyed his hair dark brown and shaved his beard. When he got home, I thought he was an intruder and screamed. Now he thinks I don't love him because I didn't recognize him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 946

You deserved it 640

By someone something - 28/08/2018 18:31

Today, I was taking a shower when I seized, tripped over the edge of the tub, and broke my nose by slamming my face in the open toilet. Thank you, epilepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 850

You deserved it 187

someone something tells us more.

someone something 20

Tuesday 28 August 2018 6:41

I usually do keep a positive attitude because a negative one is just gonna bring you down. But this is the first time I've ever broken anything and I now have to use a shower chair because my parents and neurologist think it's too dangerous for me to stand. Also, someone needs to be in the bathroom so we can talk and make sure I'm not seizing

Go home

By Anonymous - 12/09/2018 18:30

Today, my mother turned up drunk at my house with a chocolate cake for my 14th birthday. I'm 27, I haven’t seen her in 6 years, I'm allergic to chocolate, and when she saw that I had 2 kids, she wanted to know why I'd bothered, since kids are always "such a disappointment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 729

You deserved it 175

Classic

By Anonymous - 21/07/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, I caught my sister in bed with my girlfriend. I’m not sure what’s worse, the cheating, the fact I’ve never managed to make my girlfriend moan like that, or the fact this is the second girlfriend she’s stolen from me in the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 732

You deserved it 348

Fertiliser

By Anonymous - 04/06/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife found out when I’m super busy with work and can’t be bothered to walk upstairs for a pee, I just pee into a bottle and empty it out the window onto the grass. I get it’s sorta gross but the way she was yelling you’d have think I took a shit on the drive in full view of the neighbours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 1 417

By cantdolife - 23/09/2018 21:00 - United States - New Boston

Today, as a teacher, I had a conference with the mother of a student who is struggling with behavior. Turns out the mom is the woman who does my Brazilian waxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 387

You deserved it 310

By H.B - 14/10/2018 17:30 - Germany

Today, my boss gave our coffee machine to her sister-in-law. I work in a cafe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 084

You deserved it 152

By right date wrong guy - 14/10/2018 15:30 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I met a really sweet cute guy on a dinner date. Too bad he was the waiter instead of my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 978

You deserved it 454

Prank gone wrong

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 18:00

Spicy

Today, my prank-loving girlfriend pushed hot sauce up my penis hole with her tongue by pretending she was going to give me oral sex. It’s been an hour of burning, it’s worse when I pee, and I think I may need a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 952

You deserved it 262

By Anonymous - 11/01/2017 14:44

Today, I had to follow a diversion route home due to roadworks. It took me an hour longer than usual to get home. Too bad it turns out that the diversion was only for traffic, not people walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 801

You deserved it 6 350

Get well soon

By Anonymous - 14/01/2022 11:03

Today, I found out I have aggressive brain cancer, then my girlfriend dumped me because, as she put it, if I’m going to be dead in a year anyway, she might as well move on now so as not to waste her time. I knew she was evil, it’s what I loved about her, but man, this is low even for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 501

You deserved it 525

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The Top

The Top

Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 139

Today, I told my husband that I was going to get a swimsuit from the Victoria's Secret catalog. He replied, "Are you going to get the body to go with it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 723

You deserved it 10 435

Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 071

You deserved it 1 485

Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 584

You deserved it 8 115

Today, I noticed a picture in an elderly patient's room, of a pretty girl in a bikini. Trying to be funny and lighten the mood, I said, "Looks like you have some good eye candy to help you recover faster." With a stern look he replied, "That's my granddaughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 917

You deserved it 35 766

Today, it's day one of my suspension and probably being fired from my job. Why? I accidentally took a beer out my bag instead of a soda, then got distracted working to make sure everything got done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 607