The Top

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Celebrate!

By Nalya - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my fiancé told me that after 7 years together, he is no longer in love with me. Shocked and appalled, I asked him if he had anything else to add. "Happy Birthday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 380

You deserved it 2 158

By aloneinaz - 15/01/2017 20:00

Today, while walking downstairs to go to work, I turned the corner and my boyfriend pulled a gun on me. Apparently, he forgot I was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 745

You deserved it 847

By Maleficia - 19/01/2017 08:25

Today, the government froze my bank account for not paying college debt, and now I can't access my 0.30 cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 916

You deserved it 1 504

By officework - 24/09/2015 19:09 - Canada - Toronto

Today, during the "What can your manager do to help with your career aspirations?" section of my annual review, my manager basically told me she wouldn't help me and I should quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 509

You deserved it 1 665

By Just Lonely - 04/09/2016 05:04 - United States - La Place

Today, after not hanging out with anyone the whole year, a guy finally asked me to go the movies with him. When I asked what time, he said, "Never mind, I found another girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 611

You deserved it 989

By Anonymous - 03/12/2017 00:30 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, a gothic 16-year-old with a bread knife tried to mug me. After warning her to back off multiple times, I punched her in the face. She ran off crying and reported me to the police. They don't believe my side of the story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 971

You deserved it 291

By stubby - 20/01/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend asked if I could somehow get uncircumcised so I could add an inch to my length. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 063

You deserved it 499

By You're Not a Wizard - 30/06/2016 12:29

Today, I earned the nickname of "Harry Potter" for all the wrong reasons. I got locked in a storage cupboard for most of my shift, and couldn't get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 236

You deserved it 1 461

By WrongPlaceWrongTime - 25/06/2016 18:51 - France

Today, my girlfriend came to my workplace to tell me she was breaking up with me. My boss, who was passing by, fired me for "chatting with friends" during work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 409

You deserved it 829

By Anonymous - 14/04/2018 15:00

Today, I realised yesterday was my 30th birthday. What made it worse is that my parents forgot, along with my other relatives and friends. No cards, no texts, no calls, no Facebook messages. Nothing. Happy 30th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 652

You deserved it 651

I like what you've done with the place

By Scammed - 05/06/2016 18:26 - Mexico - Mexicali

Today, a week after spending most of my paycheck on a down-payment and rent on a new apartment, I found out the "landlord" I paid was a scammer. Turns out the real owner was away on vacation, and he'd stolen most of her stuff before showing me the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 837

You deserved it 1 404

By TheThirdWheel - 23/04/2018 05:00

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 2 years and my best friend of 10 years making out in my bedroom. I stared and when they noticed me, my boyfriend didn’t even bat an eye and suggested we have a threesome. My best friend immediately agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 456

You deserved it 698

By motherlylove - 08/07/2018 15:00

Today, my mother-in-law screamed at the top of her lungs in front of our friends and family that I was stealing her baby away from her. I'd only suggested we go home because he had a migraine. Her baby is 24 years-old and has been married to me for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 577

You deserved it 289

By Champs - 25/01/2009 17:52 - Australia

Today, I downloaded the 'Dark was the Night' compilation made for charity. I have no soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 170

You deserved it 26 452

By brooklyn0118 - 12/09/2018 15:00

Today, I got home to find my dog had found and eaten my wedding rings. I get married in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 858

You deserved it 567

Fun times

By KeepinItInTheFamily - 28/10/2018 05:00

Today, my future sister-in-law told me that not only will I have to host her bachelorette party at my new, still under construction house, but she has also booked a sex consultant to come and give a toy presentation. There's a $350 minimum spend. Only 5 people are coming, 4 of which are family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 300

You deserved it 361

By fatti11 - 14/01/2017 18:00

Today, during an argument that he couldn't win, my boyfriend farted in a glass, covered it with his hand, ran to me, and let it go it right in front of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 883

You deserved it 1 134

By uterus why - 01/02/2019 16:00

Today, I have realised that since I get laid so infrequently, every time I have sex now, it kickstarts my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 231

You deserved it 331

By Loveless - 06/05/2019 00:00

Today, I discovered my girlfriend's secret blog, where all she does is vent about how much she cheats on me and hates me, but will never leave me because she can’t afford to. Her followers love and support these actions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 321

You deserved it 230

Looking good

By people will think I'm Shelley Duvall - 08/06/2017 20:00

Today, my son's yearbook came. I was pretty happy, as I'd also ordered a larger version of his photo because he's going to California for college and I wanted a special picture of him to keep. Unfortunately, my happiness disappeared when I saw that he was wearing a horse mask in the photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 591

You deserved it 796

By justmyluck5150 - 17/10/2016 17:58 - United States

Today, I told the doctor that one of my ribs sticks out farther than the other. When I lifted my shirt to show him, he immediately laughed and said, "Whoa, that's not subtle is it!" As if I wasn't already insecure about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 238

You deserved it 847

Thanks, I hate it!

By HoShiz - 25/10/2009 14:18 - Canada

Today, I drove three hours to go to an awards ceremony. When I got there, I had to wait an hour for the hall to open, then sat listening to speeches for two hours, got my "award", and drove three hours home. The award was a small pin that I already had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 538

You deserved it 4 836

By dumbbus - 01/04/2015 23:24 - United Kingdom - Stockton-on-tees

Today, I got an expensive return bus ticket to visit my family 200 miles away. I accidentally tore the ticket when taking it from the machine, but the driver said not to worry, as it would still be accepted on the way back. Guess who's still 200 miles from home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 758

You deserved it 2 527

Scaredy cats

By Clauric - 03/05/2016 15:15

Today, I found out my 35 year-old brother got divorced 18 months ago when my now ex-sister-in-law told me via Facebook messenger, and asked me to tell my parents, as both of them were too scared to do it themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 362

You deserved it 893

By anonymous - 03/04/2016 21:50 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I discovered that the vitamin I've been taking for hair growth actually works really well. Unfortunately, it only works on my leg hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 723

You deserved it 1 838

Don't call the cops

By Elizabeth - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on a walk. I like to crush acorns as I go. One nut was actually a piece of dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 620

You deserved it 27 159

Father material

By Anonymous - 23/08/2020 02:07

Today, according to my husband, if I die first he won’t be looking after my son from a previous marriage. Either my sister will have to take him or he’ll go into foster care. He doesn’t want kids of his own, so he’ll be dammed if he has to look after someone else’s just because I’m dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 522

You deserved it 982

Are you kidding me?

By Anonymous - 11/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Greensburg

Today, I was on my way to college when I got in a car wreck with none other than my professor. My car was totaled and couldn't drive, but his could so I missed class, but he still made it. The end result? He marked me as an "unexcused absence" and gave me a zero. The accident was his fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 958

You deserved it 635

By life_suxxx - 06/12/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. Several hours later I realize that I can't find my wallet. After looking all over my house and then the store parking lot, I had my credit cards cancelled. On the drive home, I feel something under me. It was my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 340

You deserved it 33 574

By g - 22/04/2008 05:53 - Thailand

Today, I’m at this huge beach party in Thailand. I kiss a beautiful girl and decide to take it to the next level. While putting my hand under her skirt, I feel something out of place. I look at her and she says, “What? You prefer ladies?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 370

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The Top

Today, I got fed up with my neighbor who has been coughing, night and day, for six months. I rang at her door to tell her about several remedies I know of to help, so I could sleep. I thus found out she has lung cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 321

You deserved it 27 260

Today, was my 16th birthday. Needless to say, I was delighted when my friends presented me with a birthday card in a homeroom. I pretended to be surprised and exclaimed, "Aw, you guys really shouldn't have!" They didn't. It was our teacher's birthday. They just wanted me to sign the card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 073

You deserved it 5 302

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. How? I went to a party with some friends and they each bet me $20 I couldn't lick my elbow. I guess I proved them wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 390

You deserved it 42 206

Today, my boyfriend of six years came home wearing a ninja suit. When I asked why, he said "These are my breakup clothes. I'm breaking up with you." He then screamed, threw a plastic shuriken at me and ran away. It hit me in the breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 640

You deserved it 360

Today, it was my son’s birthday. I took him out to a eat and wanted to surprise him with a new iPhone. I handed the waitress the iPhone and asked her to bring it out with the cake I brought. The cake comes out, without the iPhone. The waitress said she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 1 356

Today, while showering, I noticed a spider drowning in the bath. Spiders gross me out but I felt a moral duty to save it. Reluctantly, I scooped it up and carried it to safety. Then I realised it was my housemate's pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 813

You deserved it 1 283