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Let me out!

By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 21:26 - United States - Depew

Today, I parked my car in the company lot and walked down the street to a mandatory company training. While I was at the training, everyone back at the office decided to leave early and locked the company lot. My car is now stuck there for the night and I'm walking home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 941

You deserved it 1 539

By NotHauteCouture - 10/12/2009 20:52 - United States

Today, we had our annual office Christmas party. The theme of the party was "Ugliest Sweater". The winner was a sweater that I have an exact replica of in my closet. It's my favorite 'special occasion', 'family portrait' and 'holiday' sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 014

You deserved it 13 412

By TmWhisp - 13/05/2016 10:02 - United States

Today, I found out what my husband meant when he said he "accidentally installed an indoor pool" last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 54

By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 13:27 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I punished my new dog for taking a shit inside by putting him in the kennel. He punished me by breaking out of the kennel and destroying everything in my house. Including Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 239

You deserved it 3 383

By PositiveElectron - 27/08/2015 19:52 - United States - Glen Allen

Today, my mom decided to show me her new rape whistle. She kept blowing it every couple of minutes while we were stuck in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 700

You deserved it 1 524

By Callum536 - 22/08/2016 09:51 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, it's my birthday and I'd invited quite a lot of my friends to come round and have some fun. When I got home, I saw a few cars outside. It turned out to be for the neighbours. I waited and waited; none of my friends showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 026

You deserved it 884

By Anonymous - 25/06/2015 18:29 - United States - Newark

Today, I was notified I'm being discharged after 2 weeks because my employers don't have the time to train me at my first real job in 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 124

You deserved it 1 966

By Pissed - 20/06/2016 19:27 - United States - Asheville

Today, I purposefully spilt my 44oz. cup of water on myself at work, because spending the rest of the day in soaking wet pants was less embarrassing than letting people know I'd pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 398

You deserved it 2 992

By holladaddy - 24/02/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was DJ'ing a wedding. The groom wanted a song played for his grandma and grandpa. I announce over the microphone for his grandparents to come to the dance floor for a special song. Turns out his grandparents have been dead for over a year and the song was supposed to be in dedication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 182

You deserved it 10 378

By halza - 30/05/2016 11:03 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, after a long 16 hour shift, I was milliseconds from sleep when my girlfriend said she "wants to talk". I'm now writing this from the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 447

You deserved it 983

Welcome back

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 470

You deserved it 2 322

Raise the mood

By leelee50 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, my on-and-off boyfriend of 8 years asked me to cheer him up. I told him that I'm in love with him. He said, "Oh, I just wanted a blowjob." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 123

You deserved it 9 945

That'll do it

By Zippyzoo - 03/02/2009 22:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 367

You deserved it 9 142

Creepypasta

By exiebestie - 26/04/2016 01:30 - Australia - Perth

Today, my ex-best friend, who I haven't spoken to in a year because of how obsessive she got, posted a picture of herself with dyed brown hair and glasses. We look like twins. Even I thought it was me. Some people are commenting that I look beautiful. School starts tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 422

You deserved it 1 465

By Jibber96 - 14/11/2015 13:31 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I was walking with a friend to tell him how excited I was for college and even motivating him to apply for the same school, until I found out later that I got rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 149

You deserved it 2 476

By touche-à-tout - 15/08/2012 08:08 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I started pulling on all the available levers. Can some one explain to me why the main alarm lever was in the toilet? FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 84

By Anonymous - 01/05/2016 15:00 - France

Today, even though I’m very careful, my modeling agency said that I’d put on weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 69

By usarmywife - 17/04/2017 02:00

Spicy

Today, at the ripe old age of 27, I dislocated my hip while making love to my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 205

You deserved it 606

They do

By Anonymous - 24/07/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend told me he would be really disappointed if we had kids before we got married, because it would ruin our plans to go to Disney World for our honeymoon. Apparently, kids ruin vacations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 1 191

Pissed

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 721

You deserved it 6 583

By ItsGoneForever - 25/06/2016 00:48 - Netherlands - Driehuis

Spicy

Today, while making love, my girlfriend accidentally kicked me in the face when changing positions. She then got mad at me when I went soft due to the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 421

You deserved it 2 606

ItsGoneForever tells us more.

ItsGoneForever 16

Saturday 25 June 2016 18:48

Hello, I am OP. Just a bit of clarification :-) Things were really heated and my gf was just really aroused as we hadn't seen each other for a while, so she was really into it. However, when she was cooled down again she apologized and we had a good laugh about it. And of course had another go later that evening ;-)

By caryl101698 - 09/06/2016 01:40 - United States - Medford

Today, after spending $850 on having our siding, roof and windows powerwashed, a 5-minute storm blew the siding clear off the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 666

You deserved it 1 106

By fire0fisis - 03/02/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, the police called because someone had turned in my wallet that was stolen. I happily drove home only to find that my house had been robbed and ransacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 147

You deserved it 2 318

By theDiva - 21/01/2009 11:22 - Malta

Spicy

Today, I am down to 3 euros. My mother just stole the last two euros from me. I asked what she needed them for? Condoms. My mother can have safe sex. I can't buy lunch tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 032

You deserved it 2 223

By MrAries - 02/03/2016 11:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 791

You deserved it 2 333

By Jadwee96 - 02/01/2010 00:28 - Canada

Today, I was driving home from an airport. On the way home, I got a flat tire. Once I was outside the car I realized that I had accidentally locked the car with the keys inside. I was in the middle of nowhere 20 miles from anywhere and couldn't call for help since my phone was in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 734

You deserved it 6 765

Jadwee96 tells us more.

Jadwee96 8

Tuesday 5 January 2010 13:41

okay i am just going to further explain what happened.. I was driving a friend's car that has a custom safety feature, so whenever you close the driver's door, it automatically locks. I didn't know this at the time as my friend forgot to tell me. And yes, I did manage to get out you smart alecks, meaning someone finally drove by after an hour standing in the cold. I didn't want to break his window since the car cost a lot of money because it is custom all of the parts are hard to get.

Memory man

By Anonymous - 20/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Kennebunk

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were doing the dirty, when she told me to say her full name, including her middle name. I'd forgot her middle name. It was completely awkward after. I'm a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 797

You deserved it 3 335

By Nelga - 03/04/2016 04:37 - Islamic Republic of Iran - Gostar

Today, faced with the problem of my children fighting over which one of them was going to sit in the middle in the car’s back seat, I suggested that they take turns. Now, they’re fighting about who got to sit there the longest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 91

By college parking sucks - 30/09/2015 17:16 - United States - Deltona

Today, for the first time this semester, I was able to get parking in time for my Wednesday class. The professor was sick and class was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 481

You deserved it 2 163

Scaredy cats

By chrisinator - 11/10/2016 04:21 - United States - Woodside

Today, I turned on my furnace when I got home from work for the first time this season. Only problem? Cats. Our kitten Norman has never heard a furnace in his life and Noel has just forgotten what a furnace sounds like. Both cats are terrified and won't stop yelping. I just want to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 756

You deserved it 1 248

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, was my sister's and dad's birthday. I accidentally mixed up the gifts I got for them and my dad ended up with a vibrator. He wasn't very happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 021

You deserved it 64 071

Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 161

You deserved it 11 486

Today, I hooked up with a guy who has a Facebook page for his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 893

You deserved it 39 295

Today, I received a rejection e-mail from a potential employer I interviewed with. I asked for some feedback and they said I didn't seem interested. I had showed extensive interest, even brought up some of the company's recent events, and literally said, "I'm very interested in this position." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 461

You deserved it 439

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said, "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 632

You deserved it 5 535

Today, I realized that my ex has REALLY dumped me for a video game. And he will not change his mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 240

You deserved it 6 044