Your everyday life stories - FML

Bigmouth strikes again

BlackRavenWings - 21/11/2010 22:36 - United States

Today, I noticed a picture in an elderly patient's room, of a pretty girl in a bikini. Trying to be funny and lighten the mood, I said, "Looks like you have some good eye candy to help you recover faster." With a stern look he replied, "That's my granddaughter." FML

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peanut - 03/04/2012 09:28 - France - Vigneux-sur-seine

Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to a man who took out all the peanuts from a packet, counted them one by one, then sorted them into piles of five. This went on for an hour. FML

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Didn't see ya there!

Anonymous - - Canada - Langley

Today, I managed to punch a customer's child as he walked around the corner just as I was enthusiastically pointing his mother in the direction of what she was looking for. FML

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cinderella - 27/09/2010 14:47 - Netherlands

Today, I found my beloved hamster dead in her cage. Later that day, my boyfriend told me he already noticed that she was dead last night, but did not feel like telling me because he was afraid I wouldn't feel like doing it anymore that night. FML

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Is this a job interview?

devdevdev - - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, I went on a date with this girl. Turns out she's a software developer too. Our date became a technical discussion. FML

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stevenr579 - 23/01/2013 23:33 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I took a taxi ride with my friends. As we were getting out, I paid the taxi driver. With a grin, he drove away fast. It turns out my friend had already paid. FML

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buttercup92 - 31/05/2016 03:45 - United States - San Antonio

Today, while hiking, I walked face first into a spider web. Freaking out, I shook my hair out in case there was a spider. Later on in the day the spider fell from my hair into my food. FML

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DmanTheMan - 18/03/2016 04:37 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, after telling my boss how I was looking at purchasing a motorcycle, she went on a rant complaining about how if I die, she'll have to train a new employee. Thanks boss. FML

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DmanTheMan

DmanTheMan 11

Tuesday 22 March 2016 4:25

Haha no it's my third job. Funny thing is we also argue about where to store our files. I work in medical billing, and I am constantly working at one of our three offices, so I usually store my files in our Dropbox file but sometimes I save to desktop and can't access it from the other offices ? and she wants me to delete my files after I'm done with them

saqmuel093 - 18/01/2015 19:44 - Malaysia - Tatau

Today, I ran out of cash. The nearest ATM to my house is over a half hour away by foot. After walking all the way there under the blistering heat of the sun, I realized I'd left my card back at home. FML

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BFons - 15/12/2014 02:07 - United States - Newark

Today, my wife and I are about to move across the country when the landlord for our new house called and said a water line busted and flooded the house. The movers are coming tomorrow. FML

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Hello?

andibartle - 18/10/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, at my new job, I was answering the phone and said "Hello Cafe Thirty, how may I help you?" The man on the other line said "Don't you mean Old Town Cafe?" Cafe Thirty was my old job. I now work at Old Town Cafe. The man on the other line was my boss. FML

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Anonymous - 29/09/2015 22:50 - United States - Howell

Today, my mom was watching me during my Taekwondo lessons. She was yelling at me to focus on my own work and to quit hanging out with the little kids. I'm the instructor. FML

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Pick up

Slayeddd - - United States

Today, I realized that I have to block my number to get my own mother to take my phone calls. FML

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swee t - 21/09/2016 19:02 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I got a bill from my former attorney for the call he made to me begging me not to turn him in for stealing all my money and almost causing me lose my home. FML

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Lonely School Kid - 30/07/2015 22:35 - Canada

Today, I found out why I was always picked up last from school. My parents didn't want the other parents to find out I was their kid. FML

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Funny haha

Anonymous - 11/07/2016 21:02 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my mom called me for dinner by saying, "We're going to eat Steph! I mean we're going to eat COMMA Steph! We're not going to eat you! Ha ha!" She thinks this joke is hilarious and has been doing it to both my dad and me every night since early June. FML

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Probably for the best

TooInnocent - 07/07/2016 17:44 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I was told that I was no longer being considered for the Prison Officer job I have been interviewed for, because a social media check showed I had liked a picture of drugs, so my character is inappropriate. I thought it was a picture of candy. I've never even tried weed. FML

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Arachnaphobe - 03/06/2016 22:14 - United States - Bloomington

Today, a large spider climbed inside my lunchbox while my mom was making me sandwiches. She didn't tell me about it until after I got home from school, though, and only because I mentioned a strange aftertaste in the sandwiches. She said she didn't want me to worry over lunch because she knows I hate spiders. FML

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Curly - 09/01/2013 00:26 - United States - Ashburn

Today, my wife has the flu, while I have strep throat. We have a two-year-old toddler and have no clue as to who's more contagious and who should take care of her as to not get her sick. Yay for the entire day of surgical masks and Sesame Street. FML

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crystalwho - 20/01/2009 21:06 - United States

Today, I went downstairs to grab a snack and a glass of Silk (you know, the soymilk). When I get back to my room, I go to throw the snack on my bed to shut the door, but I tossed with the wrong hand. FML

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Confusing family

confused - 25/01/2015 03:26 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my mom came into my room to yell at me because she thought she heard me having sex, saying I'm too young for it. I'm 23 and I wasn't having sex. The noises were from my dad watching porn in the next room. FML

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Cheesey_Dorito - 28/09/2018 15:30

Today, it has been 57 hours since I have last had food. The fridge is empty. The freezer is empty. The pantry is empty. Even my bank account is empty because my pay has been delayed. Again. FML

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Noname - 09/11/2008 09:18 - France

Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep, poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML

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minimazing - 07/10/2018 05:00

Today, my husband of 5 months admitted he is jealous of my dog. I've had the dog for 16 years. He admits to wanting to drop it off at the shelter while I'm at work. FML

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Anonymous - 26/11/2014 12:09 - South Africa - Pinetown

Today, my little brother learned about mortality when our dog died. Since then, he's gone a little nuts and keeps ranting that he sees no point as to why our other dog should live. He's 16. FML

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Talvesh - 15/12/2009 11:42 - United States

Today, I had my six month employee review. My manager said that my attendance was good, and I was exceeding my targets performance wise. My reward, a five cent per hour pay cut. Apparently the rate at which I started is too high to meet their current pay scale. FML

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Anonyme - 22/12/2013 06:03 - France - Brunoy

Today, I’ve been married for seven years and am the mother of a little boy. My pregnant neighbor came to see me for name ideas for her own son that would go well with my son’s name, because “between half-brothers, it’s important”. FML

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Ina - 22/03/2009 09:52 - France

Today, a piece of candy thrown from the top of the Eiffel Tower broke one of the lenses of my glasses. FML

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burnbabyburn - 11/11/2015 17:47 - United Kingdom

Today, a student set me on fire while I was lecturing my class about proper lab safety. FML

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Back to square one

HomeChump - 28/09/2016 05:49 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was so proud I'd fixed the toilet with a hardware store part without even having to call a plumber. As I happily put the lid back on the tank, I dropped the lid, which broke the tank, spilling water everywhere. Now I need a new toilet, a new floor, and I have to call the plumber. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Jealousy Underwear Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I went searching for my cat who'd escaped. Of course, I searched the entire building and somehow she'd got back in through my front door of my apartment. FML

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Today, I finally got my son to go for a run. He broke his neck 4 months ago and has been playing video games the entire time. I was a competitive runner once and run everyday. He kicked my ass, 21 minutes for the first 5k and he sped up. He was back playing video games when I finally got home. I think I lost a lung on the trails. FML

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Today, I’m on day three of pneumonia and a sinus infection. My six year-old is on day three of a sinus infection and day one of the stomach flu. FML

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Today, something smelled absolutely disgusting in the bathroom. Like cow shit and stinky beetles. I started sniffing around, because whatever it was, I had to find it and clean it up. That, however, proved difficult, because it turned out that smell was coming from the new soap my mom had bought. FML

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Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML

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Today, I've recently gained weight so I bought an exercise video. I started it right away in my room on the top floor. My younger sister screamed and ran outside a few minutes later. She thought it was an earthquake. FML

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