Spicy

Body shaming ain't cool

By grotesque sexy - 05/10/2020 02:02 - United States - Portland

Today, my boyfriend refused to have sex with me because I have ass acne. The reason I have ass acne is from working out to lose weight. I was trying to lose weight because he wouldn't have sex with me because I was too fat. I can't win. FML

agreeclassic 2 142

vote type 1 568

Bye bye love

By Anonymous - 04/10/2020 14:01

Today, according to my emotionally distant boyfriend, stopping by a whorehouse on his way home several nights a week for a quick blowjob isn’t cheating, because it involves cash and no intimacy afterwards. Dumped his ass real quick. FML

agreeclassic 1 939

vote type 1 206

Clean break

By Anonymous - 03/10/2020 20:01

Today, I simultaneously learned that fracturing your penis is a thing that can happen while my wife fractured mine in the middle of some rough reverse cowgirl. My penis is now black and blue with an almost 90 degree bend, and to make it worse the ambulance guys thought it was funny. FML

agreeclassic 1 582

vote type 1 290

Classic story

By Anonymous - 01/10/2020 05:01

Today, I found out my boyfriend of six years, with whom I wanted to spend my life with, has been cheating behind my back with my friend. The kicker? They met after I invited her to live with us to get away from her chaotic family, and I suspected she was emotionally stunted at the time. FML

agreeclassic 1 376

vote type 1 216

Quiet down!

By grooveshark - 30/09/2020 20:01

Today, I could hear my parents having sex from the other end of my house. My mom set the stove on fire because she forgot she was cooking. FML

agreeclassic 1 350

vote type 1 136

"I'm horny, horny horny horny"

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 23:01

Today, I got incredibly horny at work. No one was in the office, so I spread out on my yoga mat and started to masturbate. All of the sudden, I heard a forklift outside. I quickly tried to hide, but I think the construction worker caught me. He’ll be working here all month. FML

agreeclassic 392

vote type 1 3 262

Online shopping

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 02:04 - Australia

Today, I was showing my mum how to use eBay. Unfortunately I didn't notice my recent purchase history was on display: a huge black dildo, a jockstrap, and a bong amongst them. Of course, she did. FML

agreeclassic 527

vote type 1 1 531

What a wanker

By no action Jackson - 27/09/2020 20:02 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating. I thought it was hot and asked if I could join in. He threw me a disgusted look and screamed that I’d ruined the whole mood. Now we’re both unsatisfied. FML

agreeclassic 1 813

vote type 1 216

New skills

By Anonymous - 27/09/2020 08:03 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I lost my virginity. Today, I also learned how to fake an orgasm. Twice. FML

agreeclassic 1 132

vote type 1 1 226

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 14:02 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me while I was at work. She did so by telling me she has a yeast infection. FML

agreeclassic 1 127

vote type 1 490

Side piece

By sideGirl - 26/09/2020 10:01 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I found out my boyfriend has another girlfriend when she walked into his bedroom while we were having sex. I didn't drive there, so I'm now sitting in his car while they fight. It's been two hours since she got home. FML

agreeclassic 2 284

vote type 1 260

Sing me to sleep…

By anonymous - 25/09/2020 20:01

Today, my best friend informed me that he had lost his virginity to my sister, which I already knew. However, he told me the location. My room. While I was asleep. FML

agreeclassic 1 563

vote type 1 157

Snitches get stitches

By bad sis sad sis - 24/09/2020 02:01

Today, I told my mom that I walked in on my sister and her boyfriend having sex. My mom flew into a rage and slapped me several times, calling me a liar and made me apologize to my sister for saying something “so disgusting” about her. I wasn’t lying and she just smirked the whole time. FML

agreeclassic 1 502

vote type 1 849

Basic Instinct

By too proud to beg - 23/09/2020 02:02

Today, I told my husband that it makes me feel unattractive and undesirable that I’m the only one to ever initiate intimacy. Not just sex, but also basic affection like hugging and kissing. His response? "Oh." FML

agreeclassic 2 311

vote type 1 282

People have lists?!

By Anonymous - 22/09/2020 07:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I found my girlfriend's list of people she's slept with on her Google docs. There was 11 names after mine. FML

agreeclassic 1 951

vote type 1 226

Forever Alone

By West of the day - 22/09/2020 05:01

Today, I've been feeling horny a lot lately, so I downloaded Tinder and subscribed to Tinder Gold. The only matches I've had are with bots and people saying "subscribe to my Instagram for premium content." FML

agreeclassic 980

vote type 1 422

Not now, 2020

By Anonymous - 21/09/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, I found out I have endometriosis… Which doesn't mix well with a horny boyfriend. FML

agreeclassic 1 397

vote type 1 129

Can't get no…

By Anonymous - 21/09/2020 09:05 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, my seventy-year-old male live-in landlord asked if I'd heard a low humming noise the last few nights, around midnight, as someone had mentioned it. I feigned ignorance, whilst silently lamenting the decline of my self-pleasure opportunities. FML

agreeclassic 1 474

vote type 1 296

Stormy weather

By Anonymous - 20/09/2020 17:00 - United Stated - Portland

Today, I was about to have sex with my long-term boyfriend, when it started to rain. He was so interested in the storm that he left me half naked to look outside. FML

agreeclassic 1 161

vote type 1 263

Tell, don't show

By Anonymous - 20/09/2020 10:07

Today, while masturbating, I got a huge migraine so I went into the kitchen to get an Advil. As I was getting it, my family was staring at me and I couldn't figure out why. I walked out and realized that I hadn't put my pants back on. I just walked downstairs fully torqued in front of my family. FML

agreeclassic 643

vote type 1 2 703

"Based on your purchase history…"

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 20:02

Today, in the break room at work, I was looking through my email on my phone about my Amazon orders. There was a suggested product that looked like a dildo. I turned around to see my boss behind me glancing at my phone. FML

agreeclassic 1 083

vote type 1 293

AT&Twat

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 20:02

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his best friend that the only reason he likes to sleep over at my house is for the sex and the fast internet. FML

agreeclassic 1 510

vote type 1 280

Too much of a good thing

By Anonymous - 14/09/2020 17:02

Today, after my girlfriend warned me she has the condition hypersexuality and like a fool I thought I’d landed on my feet, or on my back as it were, do you have any idea how bad sex is when you have it between 5 and 10 times a day for over a year? It’s basically a chore at this point. FML

agreeclassic 2 000

vote type 1 720

Sliced and diced

By Anonymous - 14/09/2020 08:01

Today, our sons, who we thought were asleep, came barging into our room in the middle of the first blowjob my wife has given me in weeks. She was so shocked, she bit down and pulled away at the same time, tearing the big vein on the top of my cock. I had to go to hospital for blood loss and stitches. FML

agreeclassic 2 278

vote type 1 240

That's that, then

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 08:02

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

agreeclassic 2 656

vote type 1 219

Oversharing

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 02:03

Today, my daughter admitted she struggles to keep a boyfriend because as soon as she shares with them her kink of fucking guys with strap-ons and occasionally inserting other items into them, they flee. As a father, this was way more info about my daughter's sex life than I can handle. FML

agreeclassic 2 703

vote type 1 366

Statistics

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 05:01 - Italy

Today, I found out that my 7 friends, with a total of 23 past boyfriends in 11 years, have had 0 orgasms during sex. As someone whose sex ed was basically porn, it felt like finding out Santa wasn't real, but worse. FML

agreeclassic 1 572

vote type 1 517

Mr Sensitivity

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 14:01 - United States - Waterville

Today, I spent four hours at the ER because I had a miscarriage. The father of the baby was being sweet and supportive while I was there and checked in on me after I got home. Six hours after we found out we lost our baby, he asked for a threesome. He still doesn’t understand what’s wrong. FML

agreeclassic 2 713

vote type 1 258

Who's there?

By messy jessy - 07/09/2020 11:01 - United States

Today, I was on FaceTime with my sister. She remarked that my living room was a mess, and that she didn’t know how I kept a man with a place like that. I retorted, “He’s not with me for how well I can clean, when I can polish his knob like a marble floor!” I had no idea my dad was off camera. FML

agreeclassic 831

vote type 1 1 754

FML's OnlyFans

By Anonymous - 06/09/2020 08:01 - United States - San Luis Obispo

Today, I signed up for my ex’s OnlyFans. She never sent me nudes when we were dating, now she’s selling them to everyone she knows. FML

agreeclassic 908

vote type 1 1 626

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I found out that while I was in the ICU for having had a life-threatening seizure, my boyfriend was out partying with other girls. His excuse was that he needed to find a new girl if I died. FML

agreeclassic 4 178

vote type 1 316

Today, I had one of the worst panic attacks in years. I was worried nobody cared about me and that I had completely messed up my life. I was hyperventilating and crying hysterically. My mom walked by my room, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make those noises, at least shut the door." FML

agreeclassic 217 368

vote type 1 30 434

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

agreeclassic 37 213

vote type 1 3 819

Today, my dad grounded me for not having any friends. FML

agreeclassic 11 409

vote type 1 1 157

Today, I called the HR department of a big company, inquiring about a vacancy for a website designer. Boy, do they need one; there are dead links, malware warnings, and a layout from the '90s, but no info at all about recruitment. The lady just angrily referred me to the website and hung up. FML

agreeclassic 21 719

vote type 1 1 698

Today, I was working as a stagehand for one of my college classes. I’m diabetic and can’t go without food for more than a few hours. I was told that if I left early, ate anything backstage, or passed out, I would fail the class. I passed out. FML

agreeclassic 582

vote type 1 95