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    Monday morning blues

    desperate905 - - Netherlands

    Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML
    25 475
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    Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
    Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

    ryanisexy 5
    Tuesday 21 February 2012 11:59

    I go to bed half an hour later.

    439 7
    Pentium_4 27
    Tuesday 21 February 2012 12:01

    before bed is much nicer. helps you sleep...

    306 5

    sdeniro 6
    Monday 27 February 2012 16:52

    Omg! Weirdo lmfao!

    0 0
    Heinousness 0
    Tuesday 28 February 2012 0:15

    You took single to a new level

    0 0
    rileypena1985 2
    Tuesday 28 February 2012 6:27

    That's really sad...forever alone.

    0 0
    MisfittotheDoor 6
    Wednesday 7 March 2012 1:19

    That is pitiful.

    0 0
    cheesiestcake 1
    Sunday 11 March 2012 2:43

    4 ever alone!

    0 0
    Zoyaaa 9
    Thursday 24 May 2012 22:32

    A great start to a new day :)

    0 0
    ninjachick_15 0
    Monday 18 June 2012 22:55

    txt me(; 714-489-3165

    0 0
    DelaineyFitz 3
    Monday 26 November 2012 22:21

    The name says it all..

    0 0
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    Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home
    FMyLife FMyLife
    FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, I found out that my boyfriend purposely makes me cry because it makes him feel special. FML
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    Today, I told a cashier I always bullshit with that I was getting a new tattoo. She shook her head and said, "Honey, don't get a tattoo. You'll look like a whore." I already have five. FML
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    Today, I woke up to two text messages from my mother. The first said, "You could've had this for breakfast. How do you like your eggs?" The next text was a picture message of her naked. I think it was meant to be sent to her boyfriend. FML
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    Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up. The smell then reached him and caused him to throw up in my hair. FML
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    Today, in the most polite and friendly way I could think of, I told a friend that she's slightly too dramatic about things. She started throwing a fit, deleted my number, and ended our seven-year friendship. FML
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    Today, and until today, I'd never met anyone who took Tucker Carlson's bullshit seriously. Then, tonight, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I managed to bite my tongue, but… FML
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