Kids Metal as ****

Metal as ****

lerouxmaster - 22/12/2010 11:43

Today, I received a call from child care. Apparently, my four year-old boy tried to start a mosh pit during naptime. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

blah blah daddy - 02/10/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

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Straight to jail

anon - 15/07/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML

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Anonymous - 20/04/2013 16:34 - Thailand

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

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unknown - 15/09/2011 00:21 - United States

Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML

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potatoebee - 03/04/2012 18:19 - United States - Clover

Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML

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bubbles - 05/09/2009 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I worked my first day at a nursery. At nap time I spent about an hour trying to get all the kids to calm down and go to sleep. I'd finally got the last one to drop off, when my phone rang. Loudly. FML

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mew - 25/10/2011 18:04 - Canada

Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

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stressedmom36 - 13/08/2015 23:50 - United States - Tampa

Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML

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Sussy Baka

boymom - 04/08/2021 15:59

Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML

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Anonymous - 17/09/2014 21:57 - United States - Dewitt

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

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in_side_out 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 15:58

**** yeah . your sons gonna be a rocker hard out

Good_old_Grim 8

Wednesday 22 December 2010 16:01

Where is the "congratulations" button?

fraqtl 1

Friday 24 December 2010 7:57

where is the Your Life Rocks button?

Mr_Serious 6

Friday 24 December 2010 8:10

your kid = future BAMF

FantasticFin 0

Friday 24 December 2010 13:07

I love your kid! how us this a fml?

Mittle 0

Friday 24 December 2010 14:05

a full scale rave would of been cooler

Fooliieana 0

Friday 24 December 2010 14:25

that's. actually cute :)

wriptidez 0

Friday 24 December 2010 14:46

sounds dangerous

OhGod_Dgaf 0

Friday 24 December 2010 21:30

Your Son Is Bad Ass(:

David_Strange 4

Saturday 25 December 2010 10:02

I freaking love your child.

elwood244 3

Sunday 26 December 2010 4:56

ur child is my hero! how the hell is that an FML?!

Brennanrulez 0

Tuesday 28 December 2010 11:29

/plots to steal this badass child

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my mom asked me, once again, if my girlfriend of almost a year is just a cover up for being gay. FML

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Today, I was at the library doing research for my midterm. All of the computers were in use, so I decided to use my laptop instead. Ten minutes later, I was confronted and kicked out. My offense? Unauthorized use of the library's so-called "Free Public WiFi". FML

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Today, my cat used his expensive new bed for the first time since he got it last month. He used it as a litter box. FML

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Today, I wonder about my mental and emotional state as I didn't react whatsoever to a semi that started to pull out in front of my speeding Camaro. If he hadn't seen me, and stopped, I would not be alive to post this. FML

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Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML

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Today, I was having the most wonderful bath. The water was steaming, the bubbles were bubbly, and I was reading a really good book. I put my book down to yawn and looked to my right. My gaze was met by the lovely face of my brother's pet tarantula. FML

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