Nearly FMLs

By Bearamber9210 - 18/05/2016 17:13 - United States - Joplin

Today, I was mistaken for my dads girlfriend. My dad thought it was hilarious. He said, "Either you look like shit or I look damn good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 12

By Lepidop - 18/05/2016 16:01 - Canada - Farnham

Today, I have a pair of expensive headphones I bought online last month with a 30 day warranty. Guess what happened on the 31st day? FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 94

By chemistry - 18/05/2016 14:36 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, giving an important presentation, a pop-up appears. I quickly dismiss it... Why hello, Windows 10, yes this is the perfect time to upgrade. Please restart and mess with all my files for the next few hours! Fml

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 71

By ouch - 18/05/2016 12:47 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, feeling down, I asked my boyfriend how he feels about me, in hopes of hearing something nice and comforting. He responded with "I don't think we make a good match" FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 36

By shitstormGoddess - 18/05/2016 11:49 - United States - Marion

Today, my nose ring fell out like it has over the past few weeks. Every other time, I've been able to find it, but today I found it just as it was going down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 98

By Anonymous - 18/05/2016 11:12 - United States - Toledo

Today, like always, my boyfriend and I work opposite shifts. So I was excited when we had the opportunity to have some sexy time. My enthusiasm disappeared, however, when we tried to switch positions and I ended up slamming my face into the desk next to the bed, resulting in a bloody nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 37

By Zeroprivacy12345 - 18/05/2016 09:36 - United States - Murrieta

Today, my mother opened my mail and saw a medical bill. She then freaked out about the STANDARD std test my doctor made me take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 41

By aconsultant - 18/05/2016 06:55 - India - New Delhi

Today, I slipped in my washroom and fractured an ankle. I slipped on my own cum, while jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 159

By lonelylover - 18/05/2016 05:52 - United States - Gilroy

Today, the guy I like told me I looked beautiful and I got really excited and happy but it turned out someone hacked his account and then he told me he would never say anything like that to me , FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 27

By DoyouWannaBuildAPlaylist - 18/05/2016 05:10 - United States - Dallas

Today, at my job for a music streaming service, the automatic pairing system for the category Kids Music went down. Guess who has two thumbs and was given the job of sifting through 4 and-a-half hours of frozen, Kidz Bop, among other music to make sure it wasn't paired with verbally explicit music?

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 23

By dolladipper - 18/05/2016 04:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I yelled at a guy driving, using his phone and almost hitting me. Then a half hour later, I rear ended a guy and totaled my car while changing the song that was playing on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 357

By roadrage - 18/05/2016 04:24 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, two days and $1200 after getting my truck back from the shop, I hit a pothole and a rusty part of the exhaust system broke. Mechanics diagnosis? $1,000 and my truck sounds like a motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 22

By anon - 18/05/2016 04:19 - United States - Broken Arrow

Today, I was working on my final English project (due tomorrow) with my group. A member of the group said he was halfway done with his job 8 hours ago. He hasn't even been on the document and only he can do it. It is 11 and it is due at 9 am tomorrow. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 19

By MoroseMoose - 18/05/2016 03:17 - United States - El Paso

Today, I took my driver's test. I was so excited when the evaluator told me I'd passed, I accidentally locked my keys and purse in my car. In my purse were the two sets of spare car keys I had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 43

By IDEKAnymore - 18/05/2016 01:44 - Canada - Cornwall

Today, I had a 14 year old call me selfish because I don't want any kids. He then proceeded to tell me how he wants a lot and then he flirted with me the whole night. What makes it worse, I already had to deal with this kid before because he was trying to get with my 12 year old sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 8

By anon - 18/05/2016 01:20 - United States - Yorkville

Today, I scratched my parents car while backing out of the driveway. Then, as I drove their car to be fixed a few hours later, I was in a hit and run when a guy rear ended me and drove off. That was a fun phone call to make. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 15

By Waggy - 18/05/2016 00:57 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my little sister hugged me so energetically that I staggered backwards, tripped over my own feet, and smashed face-first into a nearby Bluetooth speaker. Needless to say there was plenty of blood and I'm pretty sure that some of my teeth might be loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 12

By BreckStaff - 18/05/2016 00:33 - United States - Plymouth

Today, my coworker was chosen for a promotion over me because he knows the supervisor personally and is more popular in the office. This would have been fine if he wasn't so stupid as to take nyquil the morning of an audit. I lost the promotion to a sleepy idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 14

By Redballer - 18/05/2016 00:26 - United States - Boise

Today, I decided to put on a pair of sweats I haven't wore in a while, apparently a spider made his home in one of the legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 16

By B dog - 17/05/2016 23:27 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, it was finally my turn at a busy 4-way stop. I waved a kid on a bicycle across just to watch a motorcycle race up and slam on the breaks, scaring the kid so bad that he fell over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 18

By Brandon - 17/05/2016 23:25 - Canada

Today, I borrowed a work truck for the first time. What happened? It died twice, during rush hour, on the two busiest roads in the city. When? At the end of the day, forcing my co-workers at the shop to stay late so I could fix and return the vehicle. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 13

By ddt197 - 17/05/2016 21:27 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I was getting lunch at school when a little kid came and punched me in the manhood, it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't the 5th time this week. It's Wednesday now I can't hit back because then I'm a bully and the teachers don't believe me when I tell them, I'm being bullies by a 7 year old FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 26

By its_syerra - 17/05/2016 21:07 - United States - Springfield

Today, I got ungrounded and got my iPad back. My mom accidentally put some restrictions on, and when she went to take them off, she realized she forgot the password. I now have to make a new Apple ID. I have 1,300 photos and 200 songs. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 13

By MotherOfMonkeys - 17/05/2016 20:05 - Canada - Steinbach

Today, I accidentally slept in. My toddler had decided to finger paint with poop all over the walls and my daughter was already late for school. Company showed up 10 minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 21

By Doomed - 17/05/2016 19:41 - United States - Haymarket

Today, we took our Engineering final exam. After weeks of vigorous studying, I was dismayed to find that nothing we had been given in the study guide was on the exam, and the rest of the questions hadn't been covered due to the teacher's lack of planning. I failed, and so did everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 18

By obviouslyoddshapedguy - 17/05/2016 18:45 - Germany

Today, i can not buy cheap shirts from my favorite discounter. I'm too fat for the normal clothes line but too slim for the big sized clothes line at the same time. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 31

By flowersbloom - 17/05/2016 18:45 - United States - Savannah

Today, I had my first day off work in over three weeks and decided to have a quite day at home. It was also the day my landlord decided to start unplanned roof repair. They've been banging since 8 this morning. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 16

By CruzeGirl - 17/05/2016 18:20 - Canada - Burlington

Today, I took my new Chevy Cruze to get gas and I drove to the bridge and got stuck there with smoke coming out of my exhaust and engine light turning on. Guess who put diesel in their gas only car? FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 58

By Anonymous - 17/05/2016 18:06 - United States

Today, my dad came over to see my new apartment. It was the first time I'd seen him in months. I was walking down the three flights of stairs to meet him when my dog got excited and tripped me. I fell down the remaining two flights of stairs and my dad got in his car and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 9

By Noodles17 - 17/05/2016 17:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today I was feeling a little frisky. I did my thing and took some pictures of the sticky results. After a couple I thought were at the best angle (for what I was taking pics of) I sent them off. As I got up to clean the mess off myself I checked my messages to see I sent the pics to my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 59

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The Top

Today, my manager cussed me out for being unable to keep a customer happy. That "customer" was a senile old twit who had wandered away from his carer, thought our shop was his living room, and demanded to know who replaced all his furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 454

You deserved it 396

Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated, "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 688

You deserved it 29 325

Today, I got locked in an old woman's garage for an hour when she forgot I was looking at the car for sale. When I got home, I told my mom and jokingly said, "First time I have been kidnapped!" Without hesitation she said, "Well, that makes it the third time." I had no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 034

You deserved it 221

Today, our mouse problem finally started to go away. Now we have a snake problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 637

You deserved it 2 136

Today, at the gym, a very attractive lady was working out in front of me, wearing tiny shorts that left zero to the imagination. I kept trying to avert my gaze, until her extremely buff boyfriend came over and threatened me. My crime? I wasn’t checking out his girl enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 157

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, and he thought it would be funny to steal my ring and "pretend" to swallow it. I tried to get it back, but unfortunately I "surprised" him. He reckons I'll get it back some time tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 800

You deserved it 237