Nearly FML

By KarleeQuinn - 11/12/2016 06:36 - United States

Today, while walking my dog, some kids accidentally threw their ball over the fence while playing. Wanting to be a nice person I ran across the street and threw it as hard as I could over the fence since it was windy. I hit a kid square in the face. FML

agreeclassic 563

vote type 1 99

By cruisingcali - 11/12/2016 06:19 - United States - Castro Valley

Today, I have been at my new job for just over a month. last week my boss almost killed me with peanut butter, which I'm deathly allergic to. Then tonight a customer tripped me making me fly across the restaurant and I tweaked my back resulting in a sciatica injury. my work is trying to kill me. FML

agreeclassic 515

vote type 1 37

By MyLife_RIP - 11/12/2016 06:12

Today, I got an academic report for turning in my homework 5 minutes late. FML

agreeclassic 436

vote type 1 62

By S.M.C - 11/12/2016 06:07 - United States - Yellow Springs

Today, I was reading my emails sent to me that wasn't supposed to. I'm still new to the job. so I admit some things haven't gone well but I got and email from someone in corporate had called me a fucking idiot and he sent it to all of the branch managers. I'm one of the managers, fml

agreeclassic 449

vote type 1 37

By ifunnybatman - 10/12/2016 19:08 - United States

Today, after bothering my brother he felt a logical act of revenge was to set my phone on fire. My SD card with the final picture of my grat grandma has been melted. FML

agreeclassic 646

vote type 1 57

By broke4life - 10/12/2016 16:57 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I finally saved up enough money to possibly buy a small apartment. Today, I also received a bill for $1600 from the government and a $1200 car repair bill. FML

agreeclassic 538

vote type 1 54

By BlindSigner - 10/12/2016 16:56 - United States - La Vergne

Today, i got new glasses. I also took a nap. During said nap, my sister stole my glasses and cracked them. It's about $300 for new ones and without them, I can go blind in one eye. FML

agreeclassic 568

vote type 1 39

By whatishappening - 10/12/2016 16:35 - India

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me after making me wait for 4 years. Hours after that, my best friend introduced me to this guy who I'm convinced is my soulmate. FML.

agreeclassic 527

vote type 1 178

By Anonymous - 10/12/2016 14:53 - United States - Bristow

Today, I had a really big audition for this play I wanted to be in. I got up on stage, and in the middle of my grand monologue, I lost my voice. FML

agreeclassic 452

vote type 1 39

By BeinWheezy - 10/12/2016 13:48

Today while having a Netflix and Chill session with my girlfriend, I found I had a hidden talent for making people laugh. This was also the same moment my girlfriend had an asthma attack. I nearly caused my girlfriend to laugh to death. FML.

agreeclassic 482

vote type 1 45

By dedeanne08 - 10/12/2016 13:06 - United States - Newark

Today, I decided to put up the trash can in the bathroom because I was tired of the cat dumping it. I put it in the washer. Later that night, my boyfriend loaded it up without looking and turned the washer on. The trash can was full of cat shit. Our clothes now smell of cat shit. FML

agreeclassic 297

vote type 1 81

By misstwoshoes - 10/12/2016 12:55 - United States - Lewisville

Today, as I swung my leg over the baby gate on the stairs my foot decided to make contact with the wall corner. I think I broke two of my toes. FML

agreeclassic 385

vote type 1 52

By Girlswrestle - 10/12/2016 12:48

Today, I found out I was fired from the best job I ever had. It was 10 minutes before the end of my shift, and had to be escorted out of the building. I feel like such a failure. No one ever said what I did was wrong, and now I have to sell my truck before I make the first payment. Fml

agreeclassic 448

vote type 1 34

By Zelda99 - 10/12/2016 11:48

Today, I spent my entire Friday night at home alone with my dogs decorating the house for Christmas. My ex/roommate/supposed best friend (because we're just on a break), spent the night with the woman that he originally had an affair with. They both think I have no idea. FML.

agreeclassic 428

vote type 1 39

By Poleeo - 10/12/2016 11:32

Today, my dad walked into the strip club I'm working at. FML

agreeclassic 497

vote type 1 75

By Charlou - 10/12/2016 09:48

Today, my boyfriend woke me up by pissing on my chest. FML.

agreeclassic 424

vote type 1 28

By Anonymous - 10/12/2016 09:17

Today, my classmate told me that Russia has a larger population than China because Russia is bigger than China. FML.

agreeclassic 368

vote type 1 35

By Ashamedofeverything - 10/12/2016 08:52

Today I realized that my friends don't really like hanging out with me. I'm quiet and they're talkative and apparently I just depress them and my family as they're almost always upset with me. FML

agreeclassic 344

vote type 1 31

By kittycatkelss - 10/12/2016 08:44 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I finally received my boyfriends birthday gift. 46 days after ordering and paying for 2 days shipping. And 40 days after his birthday. Did I mention it shipped from one province over? FML

agreeclassic 407

vote type 1 22

By spt - 10/12/2016 08:42 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after waiting 6 hours in a hospital, they turned me away, saying there was nothing wrong with me. Not listening to me describing my pain. Later, feeling worse, I went to another hospital where not only did I get in almost instantly, they also discovered my appendix was about to explode. FML

agreeclassic 457

vote type 1 35

By Exposed - 10/12/2016 07:32

Today, I had sex for the first time lying on a deck chair outside of a house party. Just as I reach the point of no return from oral, someone walked past. In darkness I wasn't worried, but they activated a motion sensitive light, meaning that all my friends saw me climax. FML

agreeclassic 374

vote type 1 83

By exposed - 10/12/2016 07:25

agreeclassic 207

vote type 1 60

By Anonymous - 09/12/2016 23:01

Today, I had dinner at my boyfriend's parents' house for the first time. I used the bathroom, and went to have dinner. His mother walked by the bathroom, and exclaimed that she thinks they have mice again. Why? Because it smelled so bad she thinks one died and was rotting in the wall. FML

agreeclassic 531

vote type 1 77

By I hate science - 09/12/2016 22:20 - United States - Southfield

Today, I was listening to music on my computer in science class and my table partner took my earbuds out, grabbed my computer, and proceeded to smash it on the ground. There was a substitute and he was out of the room at the time so I got suspended for the next week. FML

agreeclassic 513

vote type 1 40

By NoBaby - 09/12/2016 22:10

Today, whilst working in a hospital, I was expecting a woman to arrive via ambulance who was apparently close to having a baby. She arrived but there was no baby coming. She was pregnant and very drunk and just wanted somewhere to sleep. FML

agreeclassic 467

vote type 1 36

By zoza7oss - 09/12/2016 21:42

Today, while baking and cooking up a storm in the kitchen my 3 year old son got in my way, as my hands were full of dough I asked him nicely to move, he punched me in the stomache looked at me with a smile then moved. FML

agreeclassic 442

vote type 1 54

By why - 09/12/2016 21:42 - United States - Alexandria

Today, my friend got caught having sex with my sister in the school bathroom. FML

agreeclassic 505

vote type 1 57

By Phyremaster - 09/12/2016 21:16

Today I had a test in calculus. It was four questions long, the last question was worth 16 out of the 25 points, and I had to spend 3 hours on it. My grade for the quarter depends on me doing good on it. When I gave it to my teacher, she ominously asked me, "Are you turning this in?" FML

agreeclassic 449

vote type 1 38

By JaiJay - 09/12/2016 18:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I have finished reading all 2365 pages of FML. I don't know what's worse. The fact that I'm very upset or that I don't know what to do with my life now. FML

agreeclassic 422

vote type 1 70

By rissdog - 09/12/2016 17:35

Today, my boyfriend did a Kermit the Frog impression while touching my nipples. FML

agreeclassic 448

vote type 1 55

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Keywords

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Today, after having lost my phone three days ago, I paid a $150 non-refundable fee to have my phone replaced and mailed to me by Tuesday. A half hour later, I found my original phone. FML

agreeclassic 27 463

vote type 1 16 123

Today, I sent a friend request on facebook to the only person I became friends with this semester at college. He denied me. FML

agreeclassic 31 197

vote type 1 4 376

Today, my son is a vegan who keeps talking about how Just Stop Oil are technically the good guys. My wife won’t stop crying because she thinks we’ve failed as parents by raising an arsehole. I've had a migraine ever since this argument. FML

agreeclassic 705

vote type 1 335

Today, at 4 a.m., I remembered that I had not studied for my Spanish exam. I panicked, jumped out of bed, and frantically began searching for my notebook. It wasn't until I destroyed my desk and woke up my roommate that I realized that I'm not enrolled in Spanish this semester. It was a nightmare. FML

agreeclassic 37 507

vote type 1 9 697

Today, I told my mom I was finally going on a diet. She let me know how proud she is of me fighting temptation, by making my favorite cookies and dinner. FML

agreeclassic 25 166

vote type 1 2 663

Today, my boyfriend emotionally proposed over dinner, and I said yes. Soon after he left, he tweeted, "I just fucked up...." and a few minutes later called me and claimed the proposal was a prank. FML

agreeclassic 28 612

vote type 1 1 903