Work

By TheLifguard95 - 26/04/2016 23:49 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I thought that working as a lifeguard I would be saving lives, rescuing people and things along those lines. What do I get told to do on my first shift? Clean all the fecal matter and hair out the pool. I almost threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 019

You deserved it 1 699

End of the road

By CANTTAKEMORE - 26/04/2016 22:24 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I seriously considered stepping in front of a car so that I could miss a few days of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 422

You deserved it 2 983

Bad omen

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 05:04 - United States - Kenosha

Today, I started a new job. The synopsis of my training was, "You're starting a job you're going to hate and you'll be fired for entertaining yourself while waiting for us to give you more work. But you're going to love being here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 569

You deserved it 1 927

By tired waitress - 25/04/2016 23:05 - United States

Today, I'm a waitress. A customer came in and acted very kindly and even mentioned how I was such a help to her. She also mentioned leaving a nice tip. The tip? A fake $20. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 683

You deserved it 1 204

By AcademicAdvisor - 25/04/2016 20:14 - United States - Boston

Today, a student pooped his pants in my office. I work with undergrad and graduate students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 913

You deserved it 1 136

By Anonymous - 25/04/2016 16:03 - United States - New York

Today, I finally got to meet the new Director of my department. She was my intern eight years ago, the one I declined to recommend for a full time position due to interpersonal conflicts. She knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 051

You deserved it 5 583

By Fuck's sake! - 25/04/2016 01:34 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, it turned out the twit I've been overcharging for drinks in my bar for wearing shades indoors is actually blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 272

You deserved it 27 408

By need new job - 24/04/2016 18:12 - Germany

Today, I was hired as a student assistant. I was excited, until I learned on my very first day that "Supporting the academic staff in their research" actually meant walking the professor's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 442

You deserved it 1 437

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 09:14 - United States - Redlands

Today, the CEO of my company wanted to meet with me. I was excited until I found out she just wanted to bitch me out and personally fire me. Later on, I found out my boss had totally shafted me and blamed the failure of a big project on me instead of admitting it was all his fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 208

You deserved it 1 272

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 04:55 - India - New Delhi

Today, while trying to get my boss to reconsider laying off much of my department, I accidentally convinced him to lay me off too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 996

You deserved it 6 153

What were you thinking?

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 10:04 - Australia - Brunswick

Today, I ran into a new guy at work who told me the regional manager was visiting today to evaluate the staff. I scoffed and said that everything I'd heard about the manager made him seem like a total prick. His reply? "Maybe, but I'm a prick who can FIRE people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 325

You deserved it 27 298

By faeliality - 18/04/2016 08:39 - United States

Today, my boss called me and asked why I haven't been showing up to work. I didn't show up because he fired me last week over the phone. Then he fired me again for not showing up to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 788

You deserved it 1 360

Biohazard

By Bloody Nose - 16/04/2016 05:14 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I had the longest, bloodiest, bloody nose ever when I was at work. I got blood on a few materials as I was running to the restroom. I work in a food factory, so everything had to be sanitized and thrown out. Now management wants me to pay for everything we had to throw out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 769

You deserved it 2 002

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 20:18 - United States

Today, I found out how acidic some of the chemicals I work with are. After a chemical shower, minor burns, and having to throw away my clothes due to a biohazard, I had the pleasure of running across the parking lot to my car, wearing only a lab coat around my waist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 446

You deserved it 2 333

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 17:06 - United States

Today, I tried to power through work on a construction site after a couple of sick days. I can't do anything without constantly sucking on cough drops. And it turns out that excessive consumption of cough drops can have a laxative effect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 799

You deserved it 2 030

By Hairy Cheek - 15/04/2016 04:27 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was at work and caught my pants on the corner of the door hinge. They tore completely open and my hairy cheek was exposed for the whole office to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 423

You deserved it 2 163

By farmingman - 14/04/2016 23:24 - United States

Today, I was hauling cow shit. I had a car following me very closely, so I turned on the spreader to get them to back off. It was a cop. I got pulled over in a tractor for spraying cow shit on a cop car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 969

You deserved it 25 476

Check that expiration date man, it's later than you think

By dk_2k16 - 12/04/2016 20:29 - United States - Hattiesburg

Today, I went to take my permit test. I had been studying for months and was familiar with the whole book. When I sat down to take my test, I didn't recognize any of the questions. I went home and found out the book I used to study was the book my mom used to take her test in 1970. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 585

You deserved it 18 868

By Crap - 12/04/2016 16:48 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 849

You deserved it 2 969

Foot meet mouth

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 15:44 - United States - Ridley Park

Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said, "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 470

You deserved it 7 855

By BlueyedKat - 11/04/2016 17:40 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I gave a presentation to a class of 70+ people. No one bothered to tell me my fly was unzipped. No wonder they were all smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 285

You deserved it 2 609

By KaylaRox1908 - 10/04/2016 20:12 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boss praised me for always ranking first at work and how she hopes I keep it up for a long time. I then had to awkwardly hand her my letter of resignation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 977

You deserved it 1 925

HappyItalian tells us more.

HappyItalian 38

Monday 11 April 2016 20:01

When she told me this it was at the end of the work day so I had no other choice but to give it to her at that moment because my shift was over. This job was in retail and this particular store ranks all their employees together from all of their stores across Southern Ontario. I only worked there for a couple of months and it was my first job, so my coworkers grew to take advantage of me or try to stop my sales (yes, they found a way), so that's why I quit. To those of you saying I should've gotten a letter of recommendation: my boss no longer works there and has been replaced by one of those said coworkers! Oh well.

By humanshield - 10/04/2016 16:49 - United States - Rockland

Today, while working my job as a swim instructor, my coworker sprayed me with the hose. I instinctively held up what I was holding to block the cold water. I was holding a 4 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 281

You deserved it 5 156

By Anonymous - 09/04/2016 05:49 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, my sister got me in deep trouble at the store I worked security for. She "dropped by to say hi" and stole a bunch of things when I wasn't looking. I wasn't arrested, due to lack of any evidence. But my boss didn't care about evidence and fired me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 757

You deserved it 2 060

By GreenShelves - 09/04/2016 04:31 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, after staying up late all week to get work done, I arrived at my job having accomplished all my goals. In my sleep-deprived stupor, I completely forgot to bring the briefcase that had all of the evidence of that hard work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 446

You deserved it 2 671

Red state

By piss off - 08/04/2016 22:05 - United States - Vancouver

Today, a customer at the fast-food joint I work at gave me a pitying look and asked, "How's that liberal arts degree treating ya?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 844

You deserved it 3 219

Stiffed

By Stiffed - 07/04/2016 09:19 - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, my old boss stiffed me on a large sum of money he owes me. I tried to contact him and point out that he legally owes me the money, but he won't answer his texts or his phone, and the managers say he changes the subject whenever they bring it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 247

You deserved it 1 498

Squits

By fishtities - 07/04/2016 04:56 - United States - Dallas

Today, as a reward for starting to eating healthy, I got the squits at work. After going to the restroom, my stall didn't have toilet paper, the other two stalls didn't have any either. My boss definitely noticed too when he walked in on me with my pants around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 726

You deserved it 1 748

By my first job - 06/04/2016 20:02 - Canada - Westerose

Today, after working for 12 hours in the cold rain on muddy terrain, my coordinator drove down a hill and didn't come back. I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, forced to walk two hours uphill back to HQ to find him there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 190

You deserved it 1 177

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Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 596

You deserved it 12 275

Today, my dad threw my boyfriend out of the house, and I mean 'Uncle Phil throwing Jazz out of the house' type of throwing. He picked him up, and he didn’t even touch the sides on his way out the door. He landed on the bonnet of his car, all because of an argument over a Mars bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 117

Today, the girl I've liked for over a year, broke up with me after just 2 weeks of dating, all because I'm a better pianist then her. I've been playing since I was 8. She's been playing for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 466

You deserved it 763

Today, my best friend of a decade ended our friendship, all because I wouldn't kick someone from our Dungeons and Dragons table that he disliked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 143

Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 184

You deserved it 1 133

Today, I was at a pool party. Standing outside of the pool, I was hesitant about taking my shirt off. A girl in the pool shouted, "Hey, you're not the only fat one here, don't feel bad!" I was worried about what my friends would think of my new bellybutton ring, I didn't think I'm fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 269

You deserved it 8 282