Work

Ouch.

By Jen1444 - 26/02/2018 13:00 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I gave a financial presentation to my entire firm. After it was over, somebody accidentally copied me on a group text that said, "Her zipper was open the whole time. If we're so successful, why is our CFO wearing a urine-stained store-brand K-Mart panties?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 776

You deserved it 1 007

By Anonymous - 25/02/2018 13:00 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, my younger brother, who still lives in our parents' basement and has never held a job in his life, announced that his girlfriend is pregnant with their third child. I'm a college graduate living on my own and I've never even had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 774

You deserved it 798

By TheComedyAudio - 25/02/2018 01:30

Today, I let my roommate borrow my car to go to the store. Later, I saw a picture on Facebook of my roommate and his buddies with my car saying, "Gone for the weekend!" I work at 8am tomorrow and he won't answer my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 560

You deserved it 876

White knight, wrong place

By Anonymous - 23/02/2018 19:00

Today, I dropped in on my wife at her part time waitressing job. As I was leaving, I gave her tushie a playful squeeze. I was then tackled by some acne-ridden teenage blockhead trying to impress the hot waitress by beating up the guy groping her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 880

You deserved it 2 774

By Anonymous - 16/02/2018 19:00

Today, I started a new job at a glass shop and my boss asked me to vacuum. I ended up tipping over and shattering the most expensive bong in the shop, which retailed at $3,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 211

You deserved it 1 074

By it's just hair - 15/02/2018 19:00

Today, I was sent home from work because my new haircut "looks too much like Hitler's" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 016

You deserved it 763

By TeaSea - 11/02/2018 01:30

Today, I told my class I was giving them 60 seconds to do a problem. A girl replied furiously "At least give us one minute!!" I teach a high school honors math class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 389

You deserved it 480

By j. farmer-smith - 09/02/2018 23:00 - United States - Jamestown

Today, I'm a superintendent at a school, and it snowed today after school. The snow ended up freezing on the road, so I called school off for tomorrow. I sent calls home, cancelled all school events, and then realized that it's Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 142

You deserved it 3 375

In on it

By u raised him - 10/02/2018 01:30

Today, my 17-year-old son attempted to rob the bank I work at while I was off shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 432

You deserved it 592

(facepalm)

By Anonymous - 06/02/2018 15:00

Today, while working roadside assistance, I arrived to a bewildered client who couldn't find their spare tire. The vehicle in question was a Jeep. I pointed out the spare, but was corrected as "that's just for decoration." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 997

You deserved it 305

By Soon2beexhr - 05/02/2018 15:00

Today, my boss tested a candidate for my current position while I was out of the office. How did I find out? I work in HR and the test results were sent to my email. The reason I was out was to have emergency surgery. Now I get to recover and job search at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 521

You deserved it 227

By badbowel - 31/01/2018 13:00 - United States - Utica

Today, I was sick from both ends at work. My boss wouldn't let me go home, and told me to borrow a pair of spare pants to change into. I suffered another bout of gastroenteritis and shit someone else's pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 892

You deserved it 301

Whoops

By Anonymous - 31/01/2018 01:30

Today, while leaving a job site, I put a bundle of pipe on my boss's van, picked up a few tools, and left for the day. He called screaming 30 minutes later to inform me that I didn't strap the pipe to the rack. It slid off the van and hit the car in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 094

You deserved it 4 892

By Eric John Los - 29/01/2018 13:00 - United States - Haydenville

Today, I wore a coat that was too tight. The button gave way and quickly flew about ten feet to hit my very attractive new coworker right in the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 875

You deserved it 983

One step forward, two steps back.

By MJF - 24/01/2018 15:00

Today, my boss thanked me for all my hard work and promised me a raise and a promotion. Shortly thereafter, she sent out a memo announcing she'd sold the company. The new owner immediately came in to "restructure." I got demoted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 415

You deserved it 245

By hotdogbunz - 23/01/2018 19:00

Today, my coworker was supposed to pick me up to go to a work event as my car is broken. I waited 3 hours and he never showed. After he arrived late to the event due to traffic, he told my boss that he waited for me and I never came out. Guess who's unemployed now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 284

You deserved it 393

By Jfly25 - 23/01/2018 01:30

Today, while on my way to work, I had a tire blowout. I got the car towed and borrowed my mom’s so that I could still get to work. Her car seized and died on the expressway ramp. It’s not in any tow truck’s jurisdiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 073

You deserved it 322

The early bird gets the worm!

By WhatADickens - 20/01/2018 19:00

Today, after working on my novel for two years, I found out that another book has recently been published with an almost identical plot. I was going to submit it to a publisher in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 824

You deserved it 422

By Bbrooks88 - 19/01/2018 13:00 - United States

Today, I finalized my new car purchase after three months on the job at a new company. Two hours later, I was informed that my position has been eliminated. I have two weeks to find a new job or I'm completely screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 225

You deserved it 387

By meh - 17/01/2018 09:00 - United States - Dublin

Today, after drinking myself to an oblivion, I awoke with a massive hangover. I didn’t want to go to work, but every excuse I came up with in my head screamed of alcoholics. When I arrived, my boss asked me why I was there. It was my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 011

You deserved it 4 900

BURN

By Anonymous - 14/01/2018 15:00

Today, at work, I cashed out a sweet old lady. As I handed her the bag, she looked at me kindly and said, "Don’t worry sweetie. It'll get better," to which I responded, "What will get better?" She smiled at me and said, "Your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 770

You deserved it 377

By Grad Student - 13/01/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that I have to take a weekly workshop outside of class time all semester, and it's only offered on the day I have the most work hours. I barely make ends meet as it is, but the professor said to figure it out or fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 875

You deserved it 332

Mommy's boy

By simon - 11/01/2018 06:00

Today, my mother, who insists on sticking her nose into every aspect of my life, found out I'm only "middle management" and called my boss to criticize her for undervaluing me, demanding I be promoted immediately. I'm now the laughing stock of my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 418

You deserved it 550

By Anonymous - 06/01/2018 19:00

Today, after having been off due to the holidays, I awoke to several missed calls and texts from my supervisor asking where I was. Fearing losing my job, I drove the entire 2-hour commute thinking I’d missed a day. I hadn't; he was just trying to get my weekly reports early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 917

You deserved it 1 377

Epic Boss Battle

By Anon - 04/01/2018 15:00

Today, hoping to seal the deal on a promotion, I had my boss over for dinner. My dad, who lives with me, started ranting about homosexuals burning in hell. My boss’s daughter is a lesbian. Now my dad’s nose is broken and I fear for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 402

You deserved it 816

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I went onto my band's MySpace just to check if we had any new comments or anything like that and I noticed that I was listed as a past member. Nobody ever told me I was replaced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 284

You deserved it 4 800

Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 406

You deserved it 2 292

Today, I went to the bank to make a withdrawal in order to celebrate my last day here in Italy with my friends. Apparently I'm overdrawn by 187 dollars so I'm eating nothing but leftover stale crackers to survive until I get free plane food on my way back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 021

You deserved it 48 021

Today, I was refilling some guy's iced tea at bandana's, and the uppity jerk had the gall to ask me if I ever kissed a girl considering how fat I am, how high my voice is, and how little money I make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 607

You deserved it 3 722

Today, my husband is going to a business trip where his female coworker, the one he says to "not worry about", yet acts totally lovestruck about, will be too. I saw him pack a box of condoms. He said, “Oops! They’re actually for us, I didn’t mean to pack them.” Honey, we haven’t used condoms in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 893

You deserved it 188

Today, I fell asleep while using my laptop. The next thing I know, it's 8am and my dad is screaming at me for posting "u skank-ass cunt-face" on my mom's Facebook timeline. I never made that post, but he won't believe me. My asshole brother, meanwhile, can't stop smirking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 968

You deserved it 2 491