NSFW

Snek

By soon to be divorced - 24/10/2013 20:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 469

You deserved it 4 121

Kinda cute

By anon - 09/09/2013 15:15 - United States - Mantua

Spicy

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 451

You deserved it 26 034

Sexy time

By hunchback of notre bite - 09/08/2013 22:23 - Korea, Republic of

Spicy

Today, I was in the shower with my boyfriend, and things started to get heated. That's where it all went to hell; I slipped and fell, bringing down with me the curtain and grooming products, and putting my back out. There goes my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 498

You deserved it 7 427

Deflated

By Sexless4Life - 05/08/2013 18:33 - United States - Cincinnati

Spicy

Today, I realized that it's been well over a month since my boyfriend has even tried to have sex with me. The last time was our first time, and because he couldn't keep it up, he's too humiliated to accept any of my advances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 996

You deserved it 6 961

Night wrestle

By whyeventry? - 02/08/2013 04:39 - United States - Neenah

Spicy

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 219

You deserved it 12 746

No kinkshaming on FML

By Anonymous - 31/07/2013 16:28 - Belgium - Ieper

Spicy

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 743

You deserved it 9 342

Cool story

By MsAnonymous17 - 26/05/2013 23:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 508

You deserved it 4 179

Reveal

By everyoneheard - 28/03/2013 15:11 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 188

You deserved it 18 279

Meat

By tomedicalforlove - 21/02/2013 05:51

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 147

You deserved it 42 037

Birdwatching

By movingout - 26/01/2013 23:50 - Australia - Ringwood

Spicy

Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 675

You deserved it 5 316

If only…

By Anonymous - 12/01/2013 17:57 - Norway - Haugesund

Spicy

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 555

You deserved it 9 062

To catch a perv'

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 19:05 - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Spicy

Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 511

You deserved it 12 026

WTF dude?

By Bug5992 - 09/12/2012 22:46 - United States - Kent

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 945

You deserved it 10 333

Whataboutism

By Anonymous - 02/12/2012 18:55 - United Kingdom - Southwold

Spicy

Today, my parents heard from my sister that I'd recently lost my virginity to my girlfriend. I've never been bitched out so viciously in my life, and yet my sister, whom everyone knows has had numerous casual sexual partners this year, is treated like a princess 24/7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 548

You deserved it 2 580

TMI

By Ceej - 28/10/2012 04:06 - United States - Grand Haven

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 987

You deserved it 7 098

Quick reflexes

By nahalDZ - 20/10/2012 17:29 - Germany - K?ln

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 516

You deserved it 5 343

By L - 16/10/2012 22:59 - Norway - Trondheim

Spicy

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 654

You deserved it 6 916

Creepy

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 21:22 - Canada

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 074

You deserved it 51 117

By anon - 15/09/2012 05:35 - United States - Rocklin

Spicy

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 472

You deserved it 2 737

Nice guys

By m - 22/08/2012 01:59 - United States - Stamford

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was pretty upset, so one of my guy friends offered to comfort me and get some ice cream. Apparently his definition of "comforting" is to feel my tits and try to get me to give him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 049

You deserved it 5 896

Captain Jack

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 22:22 - Canada - Airdrie

Spicy

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 432

You deserved it 43 678

I've got the hots for you

By Jarman - 26/07/2012 05:39 - United States - Columbus

Spicy

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 184

You deserved it 5 922

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 04:22

Spicy

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 226

You deserved it 2 382

Stop talking, stop talking now

By Anonymous - 14/06/2012 15:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what possessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to discuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 190

You deserved it 2 681

Loverman

By dating a manchild - 01/06/2012 23:50 - Denmark - Hellerup

Spicy

Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 945

You deserved it 7 412

Role play

By CantPublish - 12/04/2012 17:54 - United States - Modesto

Spicy

Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask why she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 154

You deserved it 21 950

Pissed

By banned - 09/03/2012 06:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 309

You deserved it 7 799

Unreasonable

By B - 04/02/2012 01:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife screamed at me, calling me a "useless, ungrateful piece of crap", all because I wouldn't have sex with her, despite hours of her nagging. I said no because I've been laid-up in bed for the past week waiting on surgery for an excruciatingly painful hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 630

You deserved it 3 445

FML: Uncensored

By Anonymous - 15/01/2012 02:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 800

You deserved it 4 437

Testing the waters

By Anonymousss95 - 10/12/2011 12:03 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. Afterwards, he told me that he was only doing this because he wanted to know if he still truly loves his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 767

You deserved it 13 410

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FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 181

You deserved it 13 443

Today, I got hit in the mouth with a hockey stick and lost four teeth. Yesterday I got my braces of six years removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 952

You deserved it 5 622

Today, I had to get an ultrasound, which required me to drink 3 glasses of water beforehand. The doctor said I had too much and told me to go pee out just a little and come back. It took a lot of effort to hold the rest in. The first thing she did when I got back was press on my abdomen. I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 102

You deserved it 4 447

Today, I was going to check out my secret condom stash. When I looked inside, I found a note. The note read: "Thanks hun, I really needed this. Love, Mom". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 505

You deserved it 8 034

Today, I'm officially fat enough I have to lift my belly out of the way to get to my zipper when I need to pee in public toilets. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 568

Today, I found out just how painful it is to get a cramp in your penis in the middle of sex, especially when your wife is on top and just has to keep going for a few more thrusts because she's so close to finishing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 191