Cassius By Noname - 11/03/2009 06:04 - United States Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML I agree, your life sucks 58 484 You deserved it 9 482 Share Tweet Share
Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being flirted with. FML I agree, your life sucks 30 054 You deserved it 12 292
Today, I ran over a chipmunk. On my bike. Its mangled carcass got caught in the spokes and decided to join me on my ride. FML I agree, your life sucks 31 987 You deserved it 12 639
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML I agree, your life sucks 15 709 You deserved it 39 031
Today, my 4-year-old son discovered that he really likes masturbating. So much in fact, that he took pictures of it with my phone. FML I agree, your life sucks 6 429 You deserved it 760
Today, I learned that my brother has been secretly married to his girlfriend for over a year. That means that during Christmas break, when I told him that she was a "toxic bitch" and that he should leave her before she drags him down with her, they had already been married for 6 months. FML I agree, your life sucks 1 402 You deserved it 484
Today, I cried so much I felt nauseous and almost puked. Why was I crying? I made up a hot, brooding, cold, and heartless guy who secretly cared about me, and who's super protective. Then I imagined him dying by being stabbed. I cried over a guy I made up in my head. FML I agree, your life sucks 200 You deserved it 1 394