Cops

Misunderstood

By Anonymous - 05/10/2022 03:00 - United Kingdom - Aldershot

Today, I was jogging and was about to pass a woman ahead of me. I called out I was passing so she wouldn’t be scared. She waited till I was right next to her and pepper-sprayed my eyes while screaming, "Rapist." The cops were there in less than 5 minutes, and even though I was blinded, they still handcuffed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 578

You deserved it 134

The neverending story

By Hope you blow your brains out, you pussy! - 03/02/2022 01:59

Today, I'm currently in a long-running argument with the police because on New Year's Eve, some dumbass threw firecrackers at my car, destroying one tire, the two taillights, and the front windshield. I've been reporting it the morning after since, and neither the police nor the insurance want to do anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 96

This is America

By ChiefKoala - 20/10/2019 22:00

Today, it will be the third time since moving to this area that I will have to call out of work because of gunshots heard nearby, police looking for someone and advising us to stay indoors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 675

You deserved it 236

Cops can't catch criminals

By frustrated - 17/05/2014 10:11 - United States - Forest Park

Today, I called the cops on a couple who was fighting outside my window at 4 a.m. They hid in the bushes when the cops came, came back out when they left, and started fighting again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 396

You deserved it 4 809

Caught in 4K

By RBergman - 25/04/2015 20:05 - United States - Basin

Today, I had to arrest my own boyfriend for having sex in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 917

You deserved it 3 375

By sadmama - 23/02/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that while my mother-in-law claimed to be babysitting my son, she was actually dropping him off at an unlicensed “day care” in a shady part of town so she could go out. How did I find out? The house was raided by police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 823

You deserved it 348

Rough

By aarone23 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 329

You deserved it 4 163

We need more information

By Anonymous - 18/06/2026 00:00 - United States - Amarillo

Today, I found out some very disturbing information about one of my brothers, who I have not seen in 8 years. The information is so crazy that I've thought about going to the FBI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 106

Adding insult to injury

By Username - 10/02/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, I got into an accident and my car was totaled. My friends then took me out to a bar for a drink to make me feel better. It appears that the police officer I'd spoken to had kept my I.D. by mistake and I couldn't get into the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 476

You deserved it 4 081

By Cowan - 06/08/2009 12:27 - Belgium

Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor… who is a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 873

You deserved it 125 448

The struggle is real

By new mom - 12/01/2023 22:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was arrested and had to spend the night in jail because I was caught stealing baby formula from Walmart. I’ve been struggling to find work ever since I gave birth a few months ago, and have been a stay-at-home mom ever since. Even my boyfriend has been struggling to find better work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 413

Am I being detained?

By Anonymous - 15/10/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I tried to make a joke to ease the tension and said, "I’m just trying to keep up with the traffic!" The officer looked around at the empty road and said, "What traffic? Are you under the influence? HANDS ON THE WHEEL!" It went downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 652

Reported

By bubblzzz - 21/06/2019 16:01

Today, my father called the cops saying I stole his car. It's my car, but his name is on the title. Why did he report it stolen? Because rather than taking him to a bar and being his designated driver, I went to a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 310

You deserved it 150

Sketchy

By Notadrinkanddriveidiot - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the backseat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 780

You deserved it 47 669

Put those away

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I had to close my eyes in shame and pretend I didn't exist, as my mom gave a cop a good look at her wrinkled, prune-like cleavage and tried to convince him that the speed limit is optional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 084

You deserved it 1 907

Useless

By Anonymous - 01/05/2025 15:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my place of work was robbed. When expressing worry that the thieves would return, the cops told us, and I quote, "If they come back and attack you, just give us a call back." Fucking stellar, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 96

Never engage with crazy

By Anonymous - 18/05/2025 09:00 - China

Today, I encountered a madman who threw a bottle at me and hurt me. In a fit of rage, I beat him up, and as a result I was taken to the police station, and ordered to pay compensation for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 361

Wrong 'un

By TheBeautifulOne - 23/08/2012 13:42 - United Kingdom - Ayr

Today, I met a girl I used to make fun of in high school. She was taking my fingerprints after I was arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 115

You deserved it 82 227

DMV blues

By usadisvet - 02/04/2015 06:43 - United States - Loudon

Today, at the DMV, I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and that my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, placing my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 362

You deserved it 2 649

The thrill of it

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my daughter called me to pick her up at the mall. She said I had to meet her inside a specific store, so I figured she wanted me to pay for something. Turns out I was right; she was being arrested for shoplifting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 312

You deserved it 2 909

By ashleyyyy - 28/10/2011 15:59 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for going the wrong way on a closed highway. The construction signs pointed me in that direction, and the cop agreed that they should be fixed. Did it stop him from giving me a ticket anyway? Nope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 836

You deserved it 2 806

That escalated quickly

By zenithbelana - 10/01/2010 07:01 - United States

Today, two weeks after reporting our car was broken into, the police showed up to our flat. They came to inform us that our car was was broken into. We explained that we knew this and reported it weeks ago. Apparently, it was broken into again, and set on fire this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 716

You deserved it 2 135

Moral panics are the worst

By sorryidontlookthatfeminine - 14/03/2023 12:00 - United States - Washington

Today, after going to the clinic for my hormone therapy, I decided to go to the mall. I went into the ladies' room to pee, and I heard a guy asking if there was anyone in there who shouldn't be. Yeah, someone called security on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 1 273

What did you expect?

By Overzealous cop of the day - 10/04/2025 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, as a joke, I hopped in the front seat of a police cruiser and took a cute selfie while the officer was talking to someone on the sidewalk. A minute later, he dragged me to the ground and arrested me. Um… what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 1 496

Zinger

By Anonymous - 01/09/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, we had the police called on us for our loud sex noises. This led to my boyfriend making the joke that he’s so good at sex “even the police came.” It was funny at the time, but less funny when he told our friends. Even though I told him to stop, he keeps telling people, and it's pissing me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 298

Bad doggo

By Anonymous - 01/05/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I was threatened with arrest for refusing to accept a citation for having a dog off leash in a park. It wasn’t my fucking dog! It was a very friendly stray that started following me on my morning walk. I tried to explain myself but the dog wouldn’t leave my side or stop barking at the cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 76

By tgd4444 - 23/07/2011 10:29 - Malaysia

Today, I was arrested. The policeman threw me to the ground because I wouldn't answer his questions. This was after he told me I had the "right to remain silent". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 458

You deserved it 8 499

Suspicious

By Anonymous - 11/09/2020 23:02 - United States - Boise

Today, I pulled over because my cell phone was ringing, as it's now illegal to use in a car. I finished the call when a motorcycle cop on side of road pulls up behind me and comes over. The reason? "You pulled off the road and it was suspicious, then I ran your plate…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 374

Welcome to the neighborhood

By Anonymous - 12/06/2022 00:00

Today, the crazy bitch next door called the cops for me spying on her from my bathroom window. That window was painted shut by the previous owner, and I haven’t unsealed it yet. I had to show this to the cops to prove I have no illegal motive for pissing in my own toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 79

Some people just don't like surprises

By alone and horny - 20/06/2020 20:01

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. When I started to head back in, I saw a shadow move across my bedroom window. I live alone, so I waited outside and called the police. They came and investigated, only to drag my naked boyfriend out, where he promptly dumped me. I forgot our 2-year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 850

You deserved it 1 749

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Money Transportation Annoying Miscellaneous Parents Pregnancy Health Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Relatable Anger Hospital Periods Kids Parenting Drunk Love Marriage Family Awkward Intimacy NSFW Sex Relationship advice Stalker ACAB Cops Mysterious Airport Cars

The Top

Today, in an effort to look more professional at work, I wore high heels. My boss decided today would be a great day for me to walk around on the sidewalk holding a sign to advertise instead of doing the job I was hired for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 775

You deserved it 2 381

Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 109

You deserved it 30 883

Today, I went to my hair dresser to get my haircut. When she asked me what I wanted, I told her "the usual". She confused me with another customer and gave me a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 470

You deserved it 33 100

Today, a very pretty girl came up to me and asked me for my phone number. Very pleased, I give it to her with a huge smile and tell her that I can be reached at any time. I then watch her go back to her group of friends. My number was for her gay friend, who then meekly waved at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 006

You deserved it 3 497

Today, I received a phone call from my 91-year-old grandpa. He was lost driving somewhere in my town. I then spent the next few hours trying to teach him how to send his location until his phone died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 065

You deserved it 778

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the 69 position with me on top and as we changed positions, and I turned to face him, I saw toilet paper on his face that he didn't seem to notice and that I casually had to wipe off his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 044

You deserved it 1 322