The Top

I happen to be the OP and to the folks who think I am mean because I didn't let him go to the scouting event: it is a SPECIAL event. He's not out of scouts. He just needed a really serious wake up call. To the folks who think I am mean because I punished him for being a smart ass: The reality is this was a compound offense. He got into trouble for not doing what I asked and got a minor punishment (chores). He got mouthy about the chores and lost his special event. To the folks who think I need to paddle him more: you may be right but he's getting too old for that. To the folks who think I shouldn't let him throw the tantrum: Awesome idea, beyond smacking him as suggested and grounding him as done, what's the methodology for that? He stayed in his room to howl and holler. I ignored it and posted my FML. Special event at school next week will be cancelled too if he keeps it up. Love my boy. Tough love today.

By dogbreederssuck - 03/02/2015 15:26 - United Kingdom - Ormskirk

Today, at work, I had to tell a woman that there is no such thing as a "pedigree Beahuahuadoodle", and that she'd essentially paid $500 for a mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 536

You deserved it 2 882

By Anonymous - 05/11/2012 19:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind date at a local restaurant. When my date walked in, she took one look at me, said "Nope", and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 549

You deserved it 2 799

It's the thought that counts

By no good deed - 23/07/2020 20:02

Today, I was feeling pretty down due to a recent back injury, so I thought I’d do something nice to help lift my spirits. I bought some cookies for my coworkers, who ended up not wanting any, and one of them decided to ask what was wrong with my face. Oh, right, my acne rosacea is flaring too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 511

You deserved it 264

Bailed out

By Why's it so cold in here? - 01/02/2015 18:13 - United States

Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 863

You deserved it 2 988

By Lola - 26/12/2008 06:32 - France

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 542

You deserved it 18 977

Panic

By not a cancerous pimple - 31/01/2015 00:11 - United States - Chester Springs

Today, I felt a painful lump on my jaw. After going on Google, I was convinced I either had an infected tooth or jaw cancer. In a panic, I rushed to the dentist and told the receptionist the problem. She pulled the dentist from an appointment, and he felt around my jaw. It was just a pimple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 331

You deserved it 27 437

By NoSpirit - 01/11/2012 08:20

Today, in the spirit of Halloween and to get back at a child who repeatedly pressed the doorbell until I showed up, I quickly opened the door and yelled "Boo!" The child ended up being carried away crying with wet pants by a mother threatening to sue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 078

You deserved it 5 263

Drained

By Anonymous - 01/08/2020 23:01

Today, after following the directions and drinking a gallon of what can only be described as an industrial strength laxative for a scheduled colonoscopy. I shit my brains out for nearly 12 hours. The hospital then called and canceled my procedure an hour before my arrival time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 168

You deserved it 114

By Indianagirl94 - 29/10/2012 22:22 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 769

You deserved it 3 406

By inpain - 02/12/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I learned that my hairdo must look like a rat. I found out when a hawk swooped down and dug its claws into my head while I was sunbathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 973

You deserved it 6 211

By duckthehack - 28/01/2011 14:25 - Poland

Today, my 14 year old son got suspended and I had to pay for the damage after he sprayed "FUCK THE POLICE" on the back wall of his school. I'm a policeman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 007

You deserved it 8 908

By Sugao - 10/12/2008 07:48 - France

Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 112

You deserved it 7 661

Car Wars

By no car - 04/08/2020 17:04

Today, I came outside to leave for work. To my shock and horror my car was gone. My asshole neighbor, who has parked in my spot multiple times decided to let her noisy guests park in my parking spot, so I parked in hers. She had my car towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 070

You deserved it 418

Thruple

By Secret girl - 06/11/2021 02:01 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, it was insinuated that my only other female co-worker is seeing the guy I'm seeing. He bashes her all the time to me, too. Now, I wonder what he says about me, to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 170

Come on in…

By vaness@ - 06/12/2008 04:54 - France

Today, I really wanted to spend a night of passion with my lover, so I'd arranged to meet him in a very classy hotel, gave him the room number, and waited for him in a super-sexy outfit. There was a knock at the door, so I opened it slowly and enticingly, assuming it was him. It was room service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 442

You deserved it 11 975

Disaster Preparedness

By FML Videos - 17/09/2018 18:30

In all seriousness, be safe out there guys!

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 160

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 16:22 - United States - Union

Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 389

You deserved it 8 123

By unknown - 24/01/2011 08:08 - United States

Today, I was driving to a blind date my friend set me up on. Feeling pretty excited, I started singing to Katy Perry. I look over to see a man laughing at me, I flipped him the bird and drove off. Little did I know, he was my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 677

You deserved it 37 724

By Junior - 26/01/2010 07:35 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of my dad constantly hitting on her. Not because she was disgusted, but because she wants to date him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 761

You deserved it 2 968

Small world

By CivE - 25/01/2010 13:32 - United States

Today, I started work as the head engineer for a big civil engineering project. I met the rest of my team, in particular the environmental engineer who I'll need to get along with the most. As it turns out, I took her virginity when we were freshmen in college. She still thinks I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 022

You deserved it 38 308

By soprahb - 19/10/2012 06:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's new favorite TV show is Law and Order SVU. Now after every episode she insists on asking me if I'm sure I wasn't molested as a kid. She's still on the first season. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 452

You deserved it 1 852

Brave guy

By AbandonedHouseWife - 17/10/2012 20:16 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 588

You deserved it 2 592

By slondons - 18/01/2011 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, my friends were acting strange around me. This afternoon, I got a text asking me to meet them out for a couple of drinks. Because of all the strange acting, I decided to tell them I'd go and then not go. I just found out they had been planning me a surprise party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 640

You deserved it 52 393

ASMR

By Crucible101 - 24/08/2020 08:07

Today, I listened to a recording of a woman saying, "I love you" for about 30 mins straight. That's apparently the only way I can feel loved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 323

By hatboxghost - 09/07/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 979

You deserved it 7 741

By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 753

You deserved it 8 333

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Kids Pregnancy Family Money Birthday Animals Cats Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Holidays Friends Annoying

The Top

Today, I have to wear earplugs in my own apartment because my neighbor won't turn down his music. My landlord doesn't believe me because "people with disabilities can't be rude." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 731

You deserved it 2 165

Today, my laziness reached an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school and had spilled all the contents of my backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of my sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 721

You deserved it 11 012

Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 974

You deserved it 1 775

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex when he stopped responding. Five minutes later and ready to hang up, he apologized because he got distracted with his game of Tetris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 939

You deserved it 4 003

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 097

You deserved it 8 446

Today, I went out to eat with a friend. I was supposed to be paying, but when I tried to, there wasn't enough money in my bank account. She didn't have money with her either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 740