The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Wise decision?

By Anonymous - 30/04/2022 00:01

Today, my girlfriend was given an ultimatum by her dad: come back to China and marry the man he picked for her, or stay here at uni with her 'white devil boyfriend' (me) and be shunned by her whole family forever. She chose here for her future career, but I think she resents me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 149

By bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh - 21/06/2013 21:00 - United States - Washington

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 355

You deserved it 7 269

Sudden dip

By Anonymous - 17/03/2022 22:00 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were out for dinner. We were talking over the noise of the restaurant, when suddenly it got quiet as he shouted, “I can’t wait to fuck you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 340

Girl, DIY

By Anonymous - 23/06/2023 03:00

Spicy

Today, my wife yelled at me to "just stick it up her ass already." No, not for anal sex, it was a suppository she got from the doctor. This is the closest I’ve been to sex in two years, since she decided we were done having sex and won’t even explain why when I ask. We’re only in our 30s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 237

You deserved it 201

By TmWhisp - 13/05/2016 10:02 - United States

Today, I found out what my husband meant when he said he "accidentally installed an indoor pool" last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 55

By Anonymous - 20/06/2013 16:54 - Pakistan - Lahore

Today, I discovered the source of the vile stench in my room. My daughter had "saved" a bird from our cat and put it in a box under my bed, hoping to nurse it back to health. She forgot about it, leaving the corpse rotting in there for who knows how long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 766

You deserved it 3 447

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 21:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 228

You deserved it 3 659

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 24

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 04:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, I wanted to take a nice hot relaxing bath. A wasp somehow got in, and stung me on the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 464

You deserved it 4 850

Narc

By Ginna - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my dad planted and "discovered" a pack of cigarettes in my backpack to distract my mom from his gambling problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 976

You deserved it 2 706

By Anonymous - 17/05/2019 03:00

Today, my boyfriend's 16-year-old daughter got a job. I'm 29, with a Master's degree and I'm still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 759

You deserved it 623

By confidence taken - 23/08/2014 06:26 - United States - Bay Springs

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 057

You deserved it 5 869

By JEalmon12 - 23/05/2019 12:00

Today, I was bored at my office, so I started flicking my pencils at my door. My boss walked in right then to give me a raise for my "outstanding" work. She scared me so much when she walked in that I flicked a pencil right at her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 1 830

By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 07:00 - United States

Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 383

You deserved it 3 537

By songbird062 - 01/06/2013 16:14 - Cambridge

Today, my boyfriend of two years, whom I supported through the death of his father, and whose invalid mother I also took care of, suddenly dumped me. The fact that I've put on a little weight due to recent stress disgusts him, and he "can't date a chubster". FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 631

You deserved it 6 453

songbird062 tells us more.

songbird062 6

Sunday 2 June 2013 6:10

Hi guys! (Sort of) OP here. This isn't actually exactly what happened, because someone copied my original FML, altered it slightly and the resubmitted it as their own. When I say "altered it slightly", I mean they changed 18 months to two years, and left out the part about his brother dying as well, apart from that, it's basically word for word identical. It was credited to me after I noticed and reported it. He did say that he'd be willing to reconsider after some time apart, but I sure as hell am not going back there again. And for those who are asking about my weight, I gained 2kg, or approximately 4 pounds for our friends using imperial measurements. I'm around 70kg (150 pounds), which, for my height of 5 foot 9, is perfectly healthy. So no, I am not at all obese.

Awkwaaaaaaard

By Zoe Avila - 09/08/2011 22:55 - United States

Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 929

You deserved it 9 103

That would be correct

By Anonymous - 23/07/2023 00:02

Today, my dad is infuriating by increasingly asking me to do things around the house, but because he doesn’t like how I do them he yells at me and then does it himself. It’s almost like he cares more about inventing excuses to yell at me than he does to actually get things done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 167

By cutthroatkait - 05/08/2014 22:44 - United States

Today, I picked up an extra shift at the store. It was also the day the store's ventilation system shut down, resulting in carbon monoxide poisoning for me and two co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 811

You deserved it 3 016

By Paul - 08/08/2011 01:49 - United States

Today, some cops came to my house saying that the neighbors thought the party I was having was too loud and obnoxious. It was my grandmother's 86 birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 458

You deserved it 2 933

By kibblegirl - 06/06/2019 00:01

Today, I was so hungry that my mouth started watering during a dog food commercial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 292

By latino14 - 15/06/2012 11:27 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I tried to go to the gym, but I ended up watching cat videos on YouTube for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 148

You deserved it 39 443

By wow - 27/05/2013 16:17 - Canada - Edmonton

Spicy

Today, I found out that my husband of 12 years has been sleeping with my best friend of even longer for who knows how long. She actually tried to turn it around on me and implied that it was my fault for finding out about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 369

You deserved it 3 831

By ww2freak - 14/06/2012 01:17 - United States - Centreville

Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 968

You deserved it 27 376

The Based Family

By Amaaaaaaaaaanda - 17/02/2021 00:30

Today, my temporarily unemployed husband had a brain wave. I'm five months pregnant and we have a 4-year-old. He thinks we should start a family vlog on YouTube, so we can get rich. I hate those awful family vlogs with a passion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 148

By idontgetit - 12/06/2012 23:39 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I proudly told my elitist dad that I now have a beautiful girlfriend. He didn't believe me, so I showed him her Facebook. He demanded that I stop seeing her, saying that the duck-facing in her avatar was the hallmark of "a lower form of being" who would only ever shame our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 012

You deserved it 30 636

By Fred - 05/08/2011 05:45 - Japan

Today, I went into a crowded store and tried out a blazer. I was thinking to myself how hot I looked in it when the manager tapped me on the shoulder and politely said, "Excuse me sir, that's a ladies' blazer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 532

You deserved it 10 366

Call the fuzz

By Anonymous - 14/04/2022 18:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was playing Pokémon Go and I was trying to take a picture of my Pokémon when a woman said, "Are you filming me?" really angrily at me. "No, I'm playing Pokémon go," I said, then tried to show her my Pokémon but it disappeared from the screen, and she said, "You ARE filming me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 284

By d4rkxf0x - 22/07/2014 15:54 - United States - Lindale

Today, I found the iPod touch that my mother claimed was stolen at the mall a few years ago, lying on her bed, still logged in to her Facebook. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 121

You deserved it 4 228

By Darwin_Award_Winner - 07/06/2012 12:10 - United States - Beaumont

Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 715

You deserved it 36 355

By jobless - 10/11/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I got an invitation to the "Going away lunch" the company is throwing for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 739

You deserved it 1 998

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Kids Pregnancy Family Money Birthday Animals Cats Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Holidays Friends Annoying

The Top

The Top

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 710

You deserved it 5 801

Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 726

You deserved it 573

Today, my dad moved my car onto the street so he wouldn't accidentally back into it while moving our boat. My neighbor backed into it instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 902

You deserved it 179

Today, I realised why my room has been smelling like berries and why sex has been so uncomfortable recently. Apparently boyfriend doesn't know the difference between hair conditioner and lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 796

You deserved it 442

Today, I hung out with a friend who doesn’t have any kids. We went to the park, where my three year-old son decided to drop his drawers and shit next to a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 319

Today, I wore new shoes to work. They squeaked with every single step on the office building's lino floor. People thought it was funny at first, but then I had to walk across the entire office to the printer, going "squeak, squeak, squeak" for 45 seconds straight. By the time I got back, my nickname was now apparently “Squeaker of the house.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 102