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omg,everybody needs to calm down. im not fat. and im not looking for sympathy. i just thought it was funny that the kid said that. i dont think that "my life is over", i thought it was hilarious and laughed forever and told pretty much anyone who wanted to listen. i probably have higher self esteem that most of you on this site anyways. go find something better to do with your life than waste it on the computer ranting about stupid things. k thanks bye

By Jeslyn03 - 13/01/2012 18:57 - Canada

Today, I wandered around my property with my children, trying to find our escaped house cat. While in the more wooded parts, we spotted her on the ground, being picked over by a coyote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 189

You deserved it 3 312

A load of hot air

By SkipBeatOtaku - 16/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 720

By ToxicSuicide - 08/03/2011 06:47 - United States

Today, my babysitter called to inform me that my grandfather is stalking her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 910

You deserved it 2 959

You can't handle the truth!

By WhoNeedsFriends - 28/08/2021 16:01 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my friends held a roast for my birthday, as per my request. They went pretty hard and I got a little uncomfortable. Afterwards, I told them that their jokes were a little too far, and they said all of their roasts were 100% genuine, and they just needed an excuse to tell me their problems with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 1 661

By rook - 09/01/2012 09:08 - United States

Today, my parents tried to convince me to get a divorce. My wife and I are perfectly fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 640

You deserved it 2 640

By st00pid - 04/03/2011 06:07 - Canada

Today, I found out that if you see a picture in your boss's office of a extremely good looking, big breasted woman kissing him on the cheek, not to comment. Because that extremely good looking, big breasted woman, just might be his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 595

You deserved it 45 127

By Anonymous - 08/08/2009 07:02 - United States

Today, I was working in the box office. A group came in for tickets but wanted to pay individually. One paid $40 for a $25 ticket. Laughing, I reached for the calculator while saying, "I went to public school, so I can't do math." They didn't laugh. They were all teachers in public schools. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 055

You deserved it 55 279

By oh, feck off - 27/04/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I missed an interview to work in a school as a teacher's assistant because the email inviting me to attend got buried among the spam emails. Oh well, back to my usual job as an assistant janitor. Yes, that's right, assistant janitor. It's the same job as a real janitor, but for less pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 127

You deserved it 1 524

By holycow - 22/02/2010 09:28 - United States

Today, I was awakened, in the middle of the night, by the sound of crying coming from outside. There's a mile in between houses where I live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 780

You deserved it 2 627

Hacker

By Anonymous - 29/11/2022 16:00 - Australia

Today, I woke up to find my 8 year-old on my phone, reading explicit messages between my boyfriend and me. Apparently, having a password that is a jumble of random letters and numbers is too easy for her to guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 523

By chilegrande - 01/03/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, I was mugged while on my way to the bookstore. I'd saved up for months to make a mega-purchase of study materials for my major, only for it to be taken away in a few seconds by some lowlife thug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 330

You deserved it 4 566

By Vassy - 04/12/2012 18:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 673

You deserved it 32 824

Woof

By rimjob - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dog barked for 30 minutes with me yelling for him to shut up. Guess that's how long it takes someone to steal the rims from my truck. Good dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 946

You deserved it 43 607

By Hairy Cheek - 15/04/2016 04:27 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was at work and caught my pants on the corner of the door hinge. They tore completely open and my hairy cheek was exposed for the whole office to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 429

You deserved it 2 165

By Jesse - 01/08/2009 19:24 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for the first time since I got my license. I have disorganized speech and occasional inappropriate emotional response. I began to laugh due to nervousness and when I tried to explain why, I was arrested because he thought I was high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 291

You deserved it 5 437

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 00:25 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, at work, I took an order from a stuck-up sounding lady over the phone. She said her last name was "duckling, but with an F". Bemused, I wrote her name on the order. When she arrived to pick it up later, she told me she'd said "s", not "f". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 670

You deserved it 3 197

By Shodan2112 - 18/02/2011 15:25 - United States

Today, as I go to a small private Christian college, the academic dean came up to me and asked me to put some old records on CD, since I have a record player that can do that. I had to listen to eight records of old students from the 1970's singing bible thumper Christian hippie music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 060

You deserved it 9 666

By Anonymous - 23/12/2011 20:46 - Canada

Today, I found out that my estranged daughter has been married for five years. I wasn't told of or invited to their wedding, and the only reason I know now is because she needs money for a divorce lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 191

You deserved it 4 839

I like what I like

By Aled - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 138

You deserved it 3 382

By #isthisthepoundkey? - 01/11/2013 16:49 - United States - Deltona

Today, while working customer service, I instructed a customer to press the pound key on her cellphone. She hesitated a moment before asking, "Um, the pound key? You mean the hashtag, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 573

You deserved it 4 334

On the hook

By phansmootchie - 20/12/2011 08:14 - United States

Today, I lost my keys. My roommate locked me out, then yelled at me when I made her come home to let me in. I tore my room apart searching for them, and even went out to search my locker room. When I got home, I glanced at my wall only to find my keys hanging on the hook I set up specifically for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 321

You deserved it 37 502

A heartwarming Christmas story

By Fatslobmom - 24/12/2022 12:00

Today, my husband confessed to having an affair, resulting in us loudly arguing. Our 8 year-old daughter asks what was going on. My husband told her, “If you don’t want a divorce when you grow up, a word of advice: eat your fruits and vegetables so you don’t become a fat slob who gets cheated on!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 889

You deserved it 408

By HorrorByrd - 26/07/2009 20:06 - Canada

Today, I went on the large bungee drop at the West Edmonton Mall waterpark. As I was falling, my bikini top came off. I had to wait for the bungee rope to stop moving and the life guard to release the ankle strap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 071

You deserved it 14 220

Family values

By family sucks! - 07/10/2021 08:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I ran into my aunt I hadn’t seen since I was a child. My mom told me she took off and stopped speaking to everyone. After lunch, I asked her why she left. She said our whole family ostracized her for aborting her abusive husband’s baby and divorcing him instead of "making it work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 433

You deserved it 125

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Today I was fired from my job. They fired me because they couldn't work around my college schedule. The only reason they hired me was because they were looking for college students and without a job I can't go back to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 346

You deserved it 621

Today, I woke up to 15 texts from my mom, 6 missed calls, and with no bra or shirt on in a random guy's bed. Welcome to spring break, ladies and gentleman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 001

You deserved it 33 813

Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. We decided to play chicken and I was on the shoulders of the guy I like. Right as we started playing, for some unearthly reason my body decided to let out a little pee. I thought he wouldn't notice since we were already wet. He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 586

You deserved it 18 785

Today, I found out my friend of 15 years, who cut off our weekly gaming group during Covid after a fight, is speaking to everyone but me. I wasn't even in the fight, I just checked in to see if he was OK after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 539

You deserved it 183

Today, according to my mom, she didn’t make the selfless decision to have me just for me to grow up and make the completely selfish decision not to marry my long term partner, nor to give her any grandkids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 180

Today, I was lying on the couch when saw the Airheads commercial where a jump-roping construction worker falls and lands on his nuts and says, in a deadpan tone, "Oh my goodness." A few minutes later, my cat jumped from the table and landed on my nuts, and I said, "Oh my goodness" with the very same inflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 299