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Encouragement

By peallow - 12/05/2013 05:01 - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs, never drank alcohol, never had sex, never had psychological problems, never been to the hospital for something serious, never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 162

You deserved it 20 343

What are the odds?

By z…… - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I'd first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I'd decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 865

You deserved it 5 565

By fencernick - 22/04/2009 10:40 - United States

Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 749

You deserved it 9 471

Weird compliment, but OK

By prettyconstipated - 09/03/2021 14:02

Today, while buying laxatives at a store, the cashier loudly declared that I'm "too pretty" to be constipated. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 127

Remember me

By laxguy23 - 21/04/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, I got a email from my boss. He said he was going to have to let me go for missing so much work over the last week. I was laid off two months ago. I don't know what is more depressing, getting fired from a job twice or the fact it took two months for them to notice I wasn't there anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 003

You deserved it 3 499

Bedlam

By Snow-White - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Wilmslow

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat, and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 001

You deserved it 19 391

By Anonymous - 09/05/2013 07:01 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 894

You deserved it 4 333

By Anonymous - 27/05/2012 07:42 - United States - Fresno

Spicy

Today, I had three things converge that should never be together: my period, hot doctor, and a colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 884

You deserved it 3 054

Mission accomplished

By Lovestupid - 03/11/2009 09:25 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I woke up extremely hungover next to a guy I have been in love with for a while but hadn't seen for ages. Turns out he had a bet going with his mates. He bet he could get me to sleep with him straight away even after not calling me for a month. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 145

You deserved it 29 352

By Anonymous - 17/07/2019 22:00

Today, when my boyfriend came to bed, I rolled over and watched as he used his pinky to clean out both nostrils, then eat it what he found. He’s almost 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 306

By alexo - 23/05/2012 15:52 - United States

Today, I took the bus. The old lady next to me almost fell when the driver stopped, but I managed to catch her. Five minutes later, the same thing happened to me. The old lady tried to help me, but I lost my balance and pulled her skirt down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 246

You deserved it 2 548

By xBubbles38 - 18/07/2011 15:17 - United States

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 990

You deserved it 6 282

By Sarah - 18/07/2019 12:00

Today, I had the mole on my neck removed. By my pet bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 201

The dress is lit

By Laura - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I saw a small child take a really bad fall off his scooter, so I got rid of my cigarette and ran to help him. I asked him if he was alright, or if I could walk him to his house. He replied "I'm okay, but your dress is on fire." It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 752

You deserved it 17 709

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 03:05 - United States

Today, I got rear-ended at a stop sign on a seldom used road in my neighborhood. As I open my car door to trade insurance information with the guy, he backs up a little and speeds away, taking my car door with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 652

You deserved it 2 198

By clumbsy_at_best - 16/07/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, I realized how close my boyfriend and best friend are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 582

You deserved it 4 775

clumbsy_at_best tells us more.

clumbsy_at_best 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 21:53

they were having sex on chat roulette.....

What fresh hell is this?

By Rhinobro01 - 27/07/2019 02:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was at a friend's house when his dad told me that he had Photoshopped his face onto a woman's body. I looked at the photo and said it was gross, disgusting, and weird. Later on, my friend told me that the photo was actually a picture of his dad's twin sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 771

Butterfingers

By dumbbitch - 25/03/2021 09:34

Today, I gave myself burns on my inner thigh by dropping my curling iron. Instead of a cute date at a restaurant, I had a date with the doctors in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 115

You deserved it 198

heeeeyitsbrittney tells us more.

heeeeyitsbrittney 12

Thursday 25 March 2021 9:20

Op here! Unfortunately I was using a brand new curling iron that had changeable barrels. The barrel wasn’t snapped into place completely, so while I was curling my hair the barrel fell off and onto my leg. Because it fell off the handle I couldn’t pick it up so I had to swat it off of my leg. Unfortunately because it sat a little longer than it should of (the temp on it was 450 Fahrenheit) it caused two 3rd degree burns on my upper thigh. Because of the severity of the burn and the fact it was already blistering and cracking I had to make a trip to the ER. Thankfully it won’t scar but the road to recovery will be interesting and I definitely learned a couple lessons.

By HK - 16/05/2012 22:38 - United Kingdom - Haywards Heath

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 050

You deserved it 3 833

By lds124 - 29/10/2009 04:11 - Canada

Today, I went on a first date with an employee from Sobey's who asked for my number while I was grocery shopping. We decided to each bring a friend. I brought my roommate. He brought his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 265

You deserved it 3 972

By Sammijane58 - 31/07/2019 14:00

Today, I watched my best friend get married. I then watched her completely ignore my maid of honor speech, because she was messing with the lights behind us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 613

You deserved it 243

By Anonymous - 28/04/2013 03:16 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers for Glee did not write "Bohemian Rhapsody" and that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them. We're both 17 years old, and she reacted by kicking a chair at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 258

You deserved it 3 453

By opposableouch - 27/10/2009 18:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 014

You deserved it 7 991

By Nathanael Johnson - 04/08/2019 14:00 - Australia

Today, after a fun movie night, I found a note on my fridge saying, “It was delicious.” I don’t know what it is referring to, since nothing is missing and we didn’t eat anything during the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 132

We need to talk…

By Anonymous - 11/06/2014 21:38 - Australia - Granville

Today, I took a look at my 9-year-old daughter's diary, thinking it would be full of cute stuff. Instead, it was full of hateful rants against me and my husband, as well the boys at her school, who she called gay because none of them ever hit on her. It seems I've failed as a parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 628

You deserved it 20 791

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I got a haircut for the first time in almost a year. I thought it looked really nice and made me look good. On my way to CVS, I ran into one of my friends. He examined me and said, "You look... like a crack whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 543

You deserved it 5 552

Seeing the sights

By yepintheladiesroom - 07/06/2014 21:37 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I used a public toilet. After I did my business in the stall and walked out, I was confronted by the sight of a man standing on tip-toes, holding his penis up to the automatic hand-dryer. Doubt I'll get that image out of my head any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 781

You deserved it 5 646

By Anonymous - 22/04/2013 20:16 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 060

You deserved it 8 459

By Amy - 10/05/2012 19:14 - Canada - Prince George

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 060

You deserved it 5 246

Get a load of this guy

By Anonymous - 07/07/2011 22:52 - United Kingdom

Today, a businessman in his forties tackled me to the ground in an attempt to take my seat on a crowded train. When that didn't work, he called me a fat bitch and gave me the finger. The seat was given up for me because I'm seven months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 381

You deserved it 3 613

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Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, while waiting in line to get my medication, a man who just got his prescription looked me up and down and said "Penis pills, right? Ya look like the type." Then he walked out as a couple of other guys in line started snickering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 778

You deserved it 1 818

Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 754

You deserved it 5 052

Today, I felt sorry for the weird chick at work that everybody avoids and decided to initiate a conversation with her. She interrupted me mid-sentence to tell me about her vaginal odor problems, before shoving her hand into my chip packet and inviting herself to dinner at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 058

You deserved it 8 576

Today, was my 16th birthday and I was supposed to be surprised with a new car. I have overheard my parents talking about bringing it home tonight while I was at a friend's house. We snuck back to my house to see them bring my car home. All I saw was my Dad crash my new car into a street lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 378

You deserved it 14 860

Today, I sucked so bad that I faked an injury during a football game to get out of playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 653

Today, the company I work for is now an online company, meaning we work from home. My boss suggested I live with him and I would still get my salary; if I don’t, I will get paid via 3% commissions on systems that barely sell. The worst part of all of this is that every day I get shouted at for nothing. I hate my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 142