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And run I did! Well, not really, but I got out of there as fast as possible. I was too embarrassed about being stood up and being accused of watching kids to have a sharp wit and a good response. An excuse was mumbled and I got out of there! And 54, I wouldn't normally wait longer than a half hour at most, but I suppose I was pretty hopeful for this date!

Baby you can't drive my car

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Burnham

Today, I found out why my bank balance is so unusually low. It turns out that I bought a car in Indonesia. I've never been to Indonesia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 746

You deserved it 3 622

By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 21:27 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 110

You deserved it 3 774

By skating101 - 08/12/2009 02:32 - Canada

Today, I went skating at the local rink. I had a really hard time balancing and was falling all over the place. After everyone had a good laugh, someone finally decided to tell me that one of my blade covers was still on, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 897

You deserved it 29 115

Compression wars

By Guido - 09/03/2022 18:00

Today, I was written up and banned from playing my songs at the office. Turns out that my other workmates snitched on me because I was playing '90s rock and pop, which was stressing them out somehow. Of course, the burnout I had from listening to three straight hours of tacky Reggaeton music didn't matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 202

By whatdidIdo - 03/09/2011 05:33 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with a girl I really liked. She started crying when an overweight family walked in and loudly sobbed about how the parents were "murdering" their children. This made the father of that family try to fight me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 852

You deserved it 3 816

By virginmary - 06/12/2009 08:07 - United States

Today, my mom told me that I am going to end up getting myself pregnant. I am 21 and a virgin. She continued to yell at me and call me a liar all night. I don't know which is worse, being a 21 year old virgin or my mother accusing me of lying about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 613

You deserved it 3 210

By brokeasscollegelife - 20/11/2015 21:25 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I biked to the store to buy a new lock, since biking is my only form of transportation. I left my bike unattended for the last time, only to come back with a new chain, but no bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 675

You deserved it 3 473

By Neveragain - 01/07/2013 05:49 - United States - Tampa

Today, while at work, a creepy guy blatantly stared at my chest for a good 40 seconds. Finally snapping out of his trance, he said with a wink, "You forgot your name tag." He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 122

You deserved it 5 429

Hot bod limit

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 08:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of four years told me that I appeared to have gained some weight. After realizing that it made me feel depressed, he tried to make me feel better by making love to me. I decided to go with it. While doing so, he paused and said, "I'm sorry baby, but your weight is too much pressure for my back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 720

You deserved it 8 714

I'm bringing sexy back

By Not-so-sexy - 04/12/2009 12:48 - United States

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he replied was, "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 521

You deserved it 6 902

By linked - 20/04/2019 04:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me using LinkedIn, a platform people use to connect with potential employers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 485

You deserved it 192

By confusedandnowsingle - 28/06/2013 12:23 - Finland - Espoo

Today, my boyfriend's proposal speech somehow ended with him breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 713

You deserved it 4 321

By wtf3456 - 31/08/2011 09:16 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me because I didn't know what her favorite ice cream was. She says it proves I don't care enough about her. I don't think I've ever seen her eat ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 903

You deserved it 3 892

By Anonymous - 02/12/2009 08:51 - United States

Today, I found out that the person sending me secret love letters was actually my dad, who felt sorry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 221

You deserved it 3 677

Unreasonable

By shary - 12/01/2021 01:59

Today, I was terminated from my job because my boss “felt like it.” My parents have made it clear to me that if I am ever fired from a job, for any reason, they will kick me out on the street and never speak to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 109

Nervous

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Whittier

Today, I realized how truly insecure I really am when the guy in the show I was watching looked straight into the camera and I immediately looked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 303

You deserved it 5 492

By bettycrocker - 14/05/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, my boyfriend who has been overseas the last four months broke up with me. I sent him a care package two days ago. He'll get homemade cookies (his mom's recipe), naughty videos of me and a letter telling him how much I love him in about a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 398

You deserved it 5 905

ClaireB9 tells us more.

ClaireB9 0

Friday 15 May 2009 8:28

Hey all - I'm the OP. To answer the most commonly asked question: the trick to keeping cookies fresh for a week is to add an extra tablespoon of vegetable oil to the dough, putting a piece of bread in with them and putting them in the smallest ziploc possible.

By Anonymous - 28/11/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 673

You deserved it 6 748

By kittykittyrun - 18/06/2013 16:28 - Canada - Truro

Today, I cut my own bangs. I pulled too much hair to the front and ended up giving myself a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 429

You deserved it 47 207

kittykittyrun tells us more.

kittykittyrun 29

Wednesday 19 June 2013 0:45

I always cut my own bangs and they always look good, this time I just tried something new and watched a YouTube video and the girls hair looked amazing, but I just wasn't paying attention to how much I pulled forward, which I usually do, and ended up cutting off more than I should have. I don't regret doing it. Hair grows back and I'm not too worried.

By Say Cheese - 22/08/2011 17:19 - United States

Today, this girl who has been stalking me for almost 7 months sent me a 12 page text comparing her love for me with her passion for cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 377

You deserved it 3 686