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By RupeeLink - 27/07/2009 23:33 - United Kingdom

Today, to cheer my girlfriend up after her mother died a week ago, I took her to a comedy club. The comedian's theme for the night happened to be mother-daughter relationships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 751

You deserved it 8 006

By fmysexlife - 27/07/2009 05:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 680

You deserved it 15 456

Payback

By AUDONEE - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received multiple phone calls asking how much my Siamese cat cost. Too bad I never had a Siamese cat - let alone a Siamese cat up for sale. It turns out the guy I prank phone called the other day didn't appreciate it and put my number on Craigslist with an ad for a Siamese cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 305

You deserved it 60 001

Graded

By df22 - 03/07/2020 20:08

Today, I got my language final exam back. It was a 10-page essay front and back, and I saw that I received a D. The teacher told me the plot was too hard to follow and it jumped all over the place. It turns out he forgot to read the back of every page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 271

You deserved it 166

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 18:10 - United States - Gerber

Today, my boss told me to cut my long hair. After coming back to work with a clean cut hairstyle, he apparently thought I was the new guy, and said I was going to be trained by "The long-haired girly-looking idiot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 849

You deserved it 3 881

Hold the line

By Anonymous - 06/07/2020 08:02

Today, I discovered that my work's new phone system automatically takes people off hold the very second you pick up the phone. I discovered this after picking up the phone and complaining to my workmates about the annoying customer I had on the line for a full minute, all while he listened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 2 654

Technicality

By Dartfrogger - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I announced to my friends that my grandmother is dying. My best friend pulled out his phone and casually announced, "Technically, everyone is dying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 386

You deserved it 3 067

By ouch - 09/02/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, I was in class when all of a sudden I was hit in the head by a metal pencil case. My teacher threw it at me to get my attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 766

You deserved it 35 574

Office world is hell

By Anonymous - 11/07/2020 14:01

Today, at work I was sitting on the toilet and a coworker came in and yelled, “That sounded like a big one!” and wouldn't leave until I left came out of the stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 144

Abuse

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 17:01

Today, I was taking Zoom classes. We live in a one-bedroom apartment, which means I could hear my mom and dad fighting. I didn't notice that my mic wasn't muted. Everyone in my class now thinks that CPS needs to be called to my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908

You deserved it 275

The proof is in the pudding

By Anonymous - 15/10/2021 23:00 - Estonia

Today, I unintentionally came out as bi to my boss. He said he's fine with it and doesn't care either way, only that there is too much "gay propaganda" in the world and it shouldn't be shown and talked about so much. He also doesn't understand why I was reluctant to talk about my sexuality before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 474

Testing, testing

By BubbaYoshi117 - 07/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 1 294

Empty gestures

By Anonymous - 16/07/2020 02:01

Today, my boss held a staff meeting to talk about how the Covid-19 pandemic has made us stronger, that all of us are family. Later, my car broke down after work, she drove by, saw me stranded on the road and we made eye contact. I thought she was going to help me, but she drove right on by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 984

You deserved it 145

By ... - 05/02/2010 03:12 - France

Today, I was at a school rally I was talking to my friends when I noticed the entire gym had gotten quiet. Not knowing why I thought it would be funny to yell out "it's too quiet!" apparently it was a moment of silence for a teacher that had recently died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 934

You deserved it 70 341

By WalkTheOtherWay - 01/02/2015 02:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was in a heated debate about climate change. I got so flustered that I forgot the word "volcano" and ended up calling them "exploding mountain things". End of the debate. Shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 698

You deserved it 7 597

By jacques - 02/02/2010 14:08 - Australia

Today, I ran into my ex's family, and found out they are going to Europe. Funnily enough, so am I. Even funnier is the fact that we are going on the same date, at the same time, on the same flights, and the tour starts on the same day in the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 102

You deserved it 3 840

By justdoingmyjob - 18/07/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, I was meeting the mayor of a major city as part of an internship program. Seated directly in front of him during his presentation on the budget crisis, he unleashed an enormous, foul fart in front of the entire audience. And then blamed it on me, everyone believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 435

You deserved it 3 140

Get away from me

By OhLovely - 01/11/2012 01:39 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I found out that my over-controlling parents would be moving in next door. I'm almost 23, and moved 5,365 km away to get away from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 214

You deserved it 1 949

TMI

By Ceej - 28/10/2012 04:06 - United States - Grand Haven

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 987

You deserved it 7 098

By mdg41 - 22/01/2015 17:55 - United States - Belvidere

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. The guy who picked up sounded drunk, told me to fuck off, and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 544

You deserved it 3 734

mdg41 tells us more.

mdg41 2

Tuesday 4 August 2015 23:11

Hi I posted this. Thanks for all the support!! I was in a really bad place when I posted this but I've been talking to a professional and got on medication and I'm really improving. All your comments really helped too. I didn't call the wrong number, I called back and asked someone else for a supervisor and he said he'd look into it. Never heard anything back from him though. I just hope the asshole that told me to **** off didn't drive anybody else over the edge :

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 16:17 - Philippines - Makati

Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 413

You deserved it 3 369

Snitched

By sixxie - 29/01/2010 05:10 - United States

Today, I went in to work and was handed a write-up for having lied about being sick in order to leave early yesterday. Apparently, a co-worker saw me leave the parking lot, then immediately pull into the shopping center next door. I was going to Walgreens for cold medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 130

You deserved it 2 341

Bored

By Anonymous - 06/08/2020 05:02

Spicy

Today, I'm considering working as an escort again, to get some human closeness, have interesting conversations and feel wanted and appreciated. I'm actually in a steady relationship; I guess it’s not a very good one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 026

You deserved it 734

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 14:34 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 704

You deserved it 7 583

By SFra - 24/10/2012 01:19 - United States

Today, I went to the Natural History Museum with my boyfriend. While we were standing in front of real dinosaur bones, he told me he didn't believe in dinosaurs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 854

You deserved it 3 091

By ouharguohargssdf - 28/09/2013 21:01 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 495

You deserved it 2 907

By jester777 - 22/01/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 562

You deserved it 49 469

New JCS FML

By ImAnAhole - 10/11/2021 17:00

Today, I found out the Tinder girl I'd ghosted after going on a date with her committed suicide. They came to me for answers because I was the last known person that ever talked to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 327

You deserved it 866

By Tom - 07/11/2008 12:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I crawled into bed at 2 in the morning. At 6 am, the telephone rang, waking me up. It was a wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 923

You deserved it 13 362

By Bob - 22/11/2011 18:06 - United States

Today, I went to the orthodontist. The lady took a break and went to use the restroom. Apparently she didn't bother to take her gloves off, and they smelled like straight up pee. She had her hands in my mouth for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 607

You deserved it 8 479

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The Top

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Today, my 6-year-old son asked me what a "sex toy" was. Not really knowing what to tell him, I said it was a game. He's asked for one for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 149

Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 554

You deserved it 4 624

Today, I found out that the necklace my boyfriend gave me for my birthday was actually a gift he'd given to his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 272

You deserved it 3 044

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11pm to her garage where we started to have sex. When she came to climax she slipped and hit her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down; we were both still naked, and she was unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 278

You deserved it 20 290

Today, I told my parents that I was planning a garden for my house. My child of a mother got upset and jealous, because, "When you were younger, you hated working outside with us." Sorry for maturing and developing new interests in the past 30 years, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 107

Today, our boss told me and her other salaried staff, "There is literally no problem this office faces that can't be solved by you all working after hours and on weekends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 73