The Top

Honest: I talk to myself every ******* way there is, accents, in corners, movie theaters, school, friends house, sometimes I make scenarios and yeah... But honest: every argument I'm in I never win! XD

OK Stephanie, whatever

By yankeebelle - 06/03/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, a co-worker superior to me called me "Stephanie" yet again. My name is Ashley. I politely informed her that my name is Ashley and subtly pointed to my work ID. Later, I get called into my supervisor's office. I got written up for correcting someone of higher status than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 160

You deserved it 3 528

Not safe for work

By Anonymous - 02/11/2019 00:02

Today, I went to move an intimate, very NSFW Word document to a secure folder on my phone. Instead, I accidentally sent it to a printer somewhere in my office building at work. I don't know which of my 40 coworkers or managers has it on their printer for when they arrive tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 2 361

La la land

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 305

You deserved it 72 551

By a person - 05/03/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, during my choral concert, I was helping turn the pages for the pianist who was accompanying the singers. In the middle of the song, one of the pages slipped and fell into his crotch area. In a panic, I frantically reached to grab the music. Well, I grabbed something. It wasn't the music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 738

You deserved it 12 830

You can't explain that

By anonymous - 20/02/2014 05:27 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was doing a science presentation about glucose. There were around 20 judges at the event who could've judged me, but instead I got judged by the only person in the whole entire world who doesn't know what glucose is, and doesn't think it exists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 288

You deserved it 3 410

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 16:27 - Serbia

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 858

You deserved it 5 473

…and then everyone clapped

By boobsnbaseball - 02/07/2021 05:59

Today, my boyfriend and I got put on the Kiss cam at a baseball game. Instead of kissing me, he grabbed my boobs and got the biggest round of applause I have heard in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 230

Her revenge

By Anonymous - 26/02/2020 05:00

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She then proceeded to ask for all the gifts she gave me for Christmas back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 794

By swollenpenis - 25/01/2013 06:11 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm severely allergic to latex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 482

You deserved it 4 754

Perfect?

By NeverGonnaGetAny - 23/02/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 818

You deserved it 24 078

Jog on

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 745

You deserved it 2 981

By crawfo - 31/08/2009 13:54 - Australia

Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 380

You deserved it 12 089

New saying just dropped

By Evan - 10/10/2022 21:30 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend demanded that I delete all my female friends' numbers. Her rationale is, “When them bitches are going through some shit, a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on.” When I refused, she promptly dumped me because she doesn’t "need a potential cheater” in her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 230

By Z3R0G5 - 06/01/2014 23:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my dog found out how to turn my Xbox off. So whenever he wants attention, guess what he does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 198

You deserved it 19 269

Going well

By shiney100893 - 14/01/2013 12:56 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 493

You deserved it 6 236

By abercrombieef - 27/08/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 856

You deserved it 3 980

By thanks.... - 03/01/2014 21:04 - United States

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 214

You deserved it 13 447

How d'you think?

By Anonymous - 02/04/2020 02:00

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 205

By DieTrying - 02/02/2012 09:31 - United States

Today, while in bed with my fiancée, I asked her to take off her pants so we could get it on. She said, "No, I don't feel like squeezing into them again." I was cockblocked by a pair of jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 287

You deserved it 5 485

Two-stroke

By sushichick - 15/04/2020 12:00 - United States - San Jose

Today, my boyfriend posted a status on Facebook saying what a great girlfriend he had. Flattered, I commented on it, saying that I felt the same about him. Turns out he was talking about his other girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 808

You deserved it 292

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 06:12 - United States - Amelia

Today, my brother thought New Year's would be more epic and memorable if the fireworks were set off in the family room and not outside. It is memorable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 62

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Relatable Health Introverts Mental health Miscellaneous Parents Dogs Animals Embarrassing Awkward Work Family Kids Make up Money Racism beach Pranks #FAFO NSFW Sex Intimacy AITA Love Sexism Cars Weddings Friends Coworkers Anger issues

The Top

Today, at my job of two months, I'd taken it upon myself to water the plants around the office every day since they all looked a little sad. My boss then asked why so many of the fake plants were getting mouldy. My co-workers had watched me water plastic plants for two months and nobody bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 384

You deserved it 6 714

Today, I got it on for the first time with a guy I've been dating. He had to turn the TV up loud so that his mom couldn't hear anything. I'm 20 years old and I lost my virginity with Disney Channel blaring in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 558

You deserved it 23 213

Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 343

You deserved it 509

Today, as a security guard, I caught a kid shoplifting and confronted him. He ran circles around me for almost 5 minutes, then picked me up and dumped me in a builders' skip before escaping. To add to my humiliation, my boss questioned my suitability for the job, and advised me to update my CV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 866

Today, not only did I shit myself on my way to work, I left my house keys in the bathroom after I cleaned up. It's $90 to replace them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 177

Today, I spent the morning with my estranged mom to try and mend some fences. In two hours she managed to insult me 56 times on subjects such as my career, outfit, husband, children, hairstyle, and so on. Plus she “forgot her purse” so I had to spend £80 for the privilege of being insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 179