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His ex is also the mother of his child. She has been wanting to go off on him for various reasons, which I told her was a bad idea, trying to keep the cool amongst all of us. But, my boyfriend told her he wanted the iPhone he bought for her a few years ago back, and she decided to tell him that I have been telling her various things about our personal life. This was not true, and she only said it to make him mad because he wanted his phone back. she messaged me on Facebook Messenger saying "I'm sorry" before he blew up on me over text. we got it all figured out, everything is fine now, but I like her a lot less now for lying about things just to make her ex (my boyfriend) mad. She was only being petty.

By Jake Whitte - 06/06/2011 13:50 - United States

Today, I changed the date of my birthday to today on Facebook to see how many people actually know my birthday. My mom wished me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 685

You deserved it 15 778

Mr. Smooth

By funkmylife69 - 23/09/2019 06:06

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 601

You deserved it 481

By Motha - 09/04/2014 05:17 - United States - West Jordan

Today, my obsession with replying "Your Mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I'd done with my pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 606

You deserved it 50 511

Whack-a-Mole

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 02:01

Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 302

Nice guy

By Anonymous - 25/05/2021 01:59 - Australia

Today, I found out that four years ago, my fiancé and the father of my children had sex with my younger sister twice, one of those times being in my house while our baby and I were sleeping in the next room. Couldn’t be better timing as I start chemotherapy in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 018

You deserved it 132

By girlgirlinsanity - 25/07/2010 11:09 - United States

Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 594

You deserved it 5 790

Rough school

By strayking - 24/05/2021 17:01

Today, my daughter admitted that she doesn’t have any friends at her elementary school. When I asked her why, she said it was because whenever she talks to any of the other kids, she gets punched in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 89

Crystal Ball Cat

By FML Approved - 31/10/2017 03:00

Now stop trying to touch my belly and just go away!

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 128

By KathleenSchuler - 05/03/2013 03:38 - United States

Today, I took a week off work because my father passed away. I was at the funeral home making arrangements when I overheard the owners complaining about how their insurance agent had left them to fend for themselves. I'm their insurance agent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 208

You deserved it 3 606

TMI, Mom

By Anonymous - 15/08/2022 18:00

Today, my mom filled out a Facebook post called, “If your kid was named after your pregnancy cravings, what would their name be?” Apparently my sister would be “Passion fruit and coal dust” and I’d be “Mint sauce and butt sex.” What the hell kind of cravings are those? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 204

Just you wait!

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 00:00

Today, after surgery on my penis, I’m on drugs to prevent erections. My girlfriend now thinks it’s hilarious to walk around naked, bend over in front of me, and do other sexy stuff, because she knows I can’t do anything to her and it’s killing me. In three weeks, her ass is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 249

Observational Comedy 101

By Blue_belle - 19/10/2019 04:00

Today, I was wearing a cute black dungaree dress with a purple top underneath. I thought I looked pretty good, until my son told me I looked like an evil Minion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 348

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 18:27 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 327

You deserved it 48 713

By LovesHisHand - 20/09/2009 20:55 - United States

Today, I was in my 15-year-old sister’s room when I found birth control pills. I told my parents, who responded by saying, "Sex is beautiful thing." When I was her age my parents caught me pleasuring myself, and smashed my laptop with a hammer, all while calling me "filthy" and "immoral". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 961

You deserved it 9 946

By Stevo - 18/06/2010 07:13 - United States

Today, my math teacher told me to learn how to say "welcome to wal-mart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 586

You deserved it 11 906

Not a biology major

By babymomma - 14/09/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years almost broke up with me. Why? Our one month old's hair is growing in blonde, and we both have dark hair. Did I cheat? No. I had blonde hair as a child until I was 4... As did everyone else born in my family. I guess this factor doesn't count when you're paranoid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 046

You deserved it 5 706

By excusemeprincess - 11/02/2013 17:08 - United States - Middle Island

Today, it's my boyfriend's birthday. He really likes Legend of Zelda, so I put on a Link hat, took my clothes off, and waited for him at his place. He came home with a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 796

You deserved it 4 265

excusemeprincess tells us more.

excusemeprincess 11

Tuesday 12 February 2013 23:40

I'm the person who posted this. I just forgot to log in. Anyway, I DID kick him in his deku nuts and walk out on him. Thanks for all your hilarious comments guys. :)

Proportional response

By SlimJim - 31/08/2022 02:00 - United States

Today, I had a Zoom job interview. My roommate grabbed me, duct-taped my mouth, and hogtied me. I watched helplessly as he took the call with my potential employer, insulted her, and said, “Fuck this job.” All because I “hit on his girlfriend” at a BBQ yesterday, by asking her if she wanted another hot dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 919

You deserved it 162

By ksgirl - 12/09/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, the guy I have been in love with for years decided to tell me all about his women problems and how he can't find someone. After telling him I loved him he responds, "do you know if anyone else does?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 241

You deserved it 4 061

Deep desire

By Anonymous - 17/12/2019 05:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for almost a year. I finally have a good chance to get pregnant this month, and I'm ovulating today for the first time in 3 months. My husband has the flu, he's highly contagious for the next 24 hours, and has been asleep since I got home from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 288

You deserved it 285

By Tara115 - 09/02/2014 07:20 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't think he should marry me, because I have kids. They're his kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 338

You deserved it 7 602

By fmlsomuch - 25/02/2012 20:51 - Japan

Today, I told my mom about an article I'd seen that said people tend to make the most mistakes at 2 to 3 in the morning. Without a trace of humor in her voice, she said, "Tell me about it. You were conceived round about then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 218

You deserved it 3 399

By nick_of_time - 23/05/2010 14:23 - United States

Today, the supervisory staff at work was changed in my area. The good news? My boyfriend is now my manager. The bad news? My ex, the guy I cheated on my boyfriend with, is our supervisor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 618

You deserved it 75 053

nick_of_time tells us more.

nick_of_time 0

Tuesday 25 May 2010 3:53

Lol, people are soo funny. I agree with half of the post on here. Karma is indeed a bitch but as for me saying FML because now they might find out and I'll get punished well, they both already know so not so much. BTW, no hearts were broken so wrong again.

By Anonymous - 31/01/2014 22:08 - United States - Blue Earth

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 445

You deserved it 9 074