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By foreveravirgin - 15/08/2012 19:07 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I found out that instead of going on a date with a girl I've liked for months, I'm going to be forced to have lunch with my grandmother tomorrow. Instead of losing my virginity, I will get to be interrogated about why I'm single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 774

You deserved it 7 322

By mclovin09 - 18/12/2009 19:52 - United States

Today, my wife entered in an ugliest sweater competition at her work. She wore a plain white sweater with a picture of my face printed on it. She came home with first prize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 112

You deserved it 4 114

Cling Alert

By miabun - 14/02/2017 12:02 - United States - Breinigsville

Today, my boyfriend has helicopter parents. He offered to take me out on a date for Valentine's Day, but there's one condition: his mother has to be there the whole time. He's 17 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 879

You deserved it 901

Time out

By Starfucks - 17/12/2015 02:55 - United States - Bensalem

Today, I was in Starbucks with my daughter when she noticed a travel cup she liked. She picked one up and asked for it, but I said no because it was expensive. She angrily slammed it back into its stand and in the process, knocked over a display of ceramic mugs. I had to pay for each broken mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 910

You deserved it 4 551

By what the actual fuck - 11/08/2012 16:38 - United States - Puyallup

Today, I was debating with my now ex-boyfriend over the ethics of using torture in interrogations of suspected criminals. It took just ten minutes before he freely admitted that he'd have no problem "torturing the shit" out of me if he even suspected I was seeing another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 944

You deserved it 4 081

By Unsatisfied - 16/12/2009 06:15 - Canada

Today, I found the only man who hates sex. He's my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 145

You deserved it 4 702

By Anon - 26/05/2009 17:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a mall. A woman stopped by me, said slowly and loudly, in Spanish "baño?" Knowing a bit of Spanish, I nodded and pointed the restrooms out for her. She then mutters about "dang Mexicans and their inability to speak English". I'm not even Latina. I'm Irish-American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 133

You deserved it 4 182

By SoMuchPee - 06/03/2017 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after scrubbing every surface twice a week for a month, I finally found the source of the pee smell in my bathroom. Under the toilet. The people who built our house didn't think it was necessary to seal around the toilet. There was two years of pee under there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 284

You deserved it 394

By D - 09/09/2011 09:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the street when a police officer started walking behind me with his dog. I sped up and tried to cross the road. He took this as suspicious and got the dog to take me to the floor. I've been afraid of dogs since I was 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 301

You deserved it 4 854

By embarassed - 25/05/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, my mother came up to me at swim meet and shouted to me in the bleachers "If you have to go potty, go now because there is a long line!". I'm seventeen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 917

You deserved it 3 281

By Mushman - 16/03/2019 12:00

Today, I sharted while skiing - wearing a bib outfit and no change of clothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 425

By The fuck, junior? - 05/07/2013 22:45 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 130

You deserved it 5 411

They weren't wrong...

By aginglikemilk - 14/03/2017 18:00

Today, I had a customer tell me that I don't look a day over 39. I'm 35. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 077

You deserved it 460

By Anonymous - 24/09/2014 13:58 - United States

Today, I went to use the porta potty at the construction site I work at and found two homeless people having sex in it. I almost got fired, because my advisor blamed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 463

You deserved it 4 116

Just go home already!

By Please go home - 05/04/2019 00:00

Today, it's now the third week my boyfriend's best friend has been sleeping on our bedroom floor because he doesn't want to face the consequences of his actions back at his parents' place. My boyfriend sees no problem with this, and says he can stay and live off us as long as he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 478

You deserved it 312

Double standard

By yeshehaspornaddiction - 02/07/2013 04:37 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my boyfriend told me to completely shave off all of my already-groomed pubic area because, "It looks so unnatural." Ignoring the obvious lack of logic, I asked him why he keeps his totally ungroomed. Turns out "Men having hair is okay. Women aren't supposed to, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 177

You deserved it 13 451

I miss you

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 00:41 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were in his car when he burst out crying, I thought it might have been because we had gotten into a huge fight and he felt bad. No, he cried on my shoulder for a half hour because he misses his ex-girlfriend. He's been writing songs about wanting her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 691

You deserved it 3 997

Kinda harsh, don't ya think?

By are you kidding me???? - 20/07/2012 04:58 - United States - Chaplin

Today, my boss fired me for "fooling around" on my phone. I was looking for supplies for a surprise party we are throwing him for his birthday, and I didn't want to do it on my work computer because he has access to our history. Also, this happened during my lunch break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 444

You deserved it 1 964

By not cool - 28/06/2013 05:16 - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, while using a urinal in a very busy mall bathroom, another man unzipped his pants and attempted to use the same one as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 856

You deserved it 3 182

By Anonymous - 17/07/2012 13:54 - Greece - Athens

Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 318

You deserved it 5 736

Good boy

By doggylove - 13/11/2015 03:57 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I realized my boyfriend's dog is more excited to see me than he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 639

You deserved it 2 228

Tasty

By SillyScotsman - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Hamilton

Today, I was eating an ice cream cone when I felt something drop onto my bottom lip. Assuming it was a piece of ice cream, I quickly pulled it into my mouth. After a sharp sting to my tongue, I spat it out. It was a bee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 673

You deserved it 7 713

Baywatch music starts

By Anonymous - 01/05/2019 12:00

Today, I nearly drowned. I was at a wave pool for the first time and stupidly swam out to the deep end. When the waves turned on, I discovered I can't swim in rough water. Despite my yelling, "Help!" and flailing around, the lifeguard paid me no attention. My friend had to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 097

You deserved it 629

Fair enough…

By badboyfriends - 15/05/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 244

You deserved it 47 768

By newcomer - 12/04/2017 12:00 - Canada - Kingston

Today, to treat the family, I cooked something nice in appreciation for sticking it out over the past few tough months. Unfortunately, I chose this one day to not wear my oven mitts when carrying the food to the table, spilling the food all over the carpeted floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 533

You deserved it 2 976

By saraleerocha - 02/11/2010 06:20 - France

Today, I was cashier at work. The line came to a stop, but there was still people there. I kept saying next, but no one moved. I finally looked over the counter where there was a lady who had been standing there the whole time. She was a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 894

You deserved it 14 334

Costume parties are the worst

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 573

You deserved it 57 528

Fuelled

By driver - 25/11/2009 22:24 - New Zealand

Today, I went to start my truck that I had parked in my driveway after a long haul. The fuel gauge indicated I had a full tank. I didn't fill up. My neighbours' son decided to fill the tank with water with a hose, 150 litres worth on top of diesel. His dad's response? "Kids eh, what ya gonna do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 673

You deserved it 2 660

Losing it

By IamHM - 24/10/2015 18:04 - United States

Today, I walked two miles to the store, filled my cart with groceries, and got to the cashier… only to find I had forgotten my wallet. I tried to explain but got the nastiest stank-eye from the cashier, the manager, and everyone in line behind me. I walked two miles home, hungry and embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 727

You deserved it 4 333

It doesn't

By Anonymous - 10/04/2022 14:00

Today, my girlfriend and I have literally had our genitals in each other’s mouths and tongues in each other’s ass cracks, yet when I used her toothbrush, I’m gross and nasty, and deserve a sex ban for two weeks. How does this make sense? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 1 034

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The Top

Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 009

You deserved it 2 468

Today, I was running outside. On the last mile, I was alongside some fields. While running down the side of the road, I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car, screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 498

You deserved it 13 966

Today, I saved a baby bird from the site I work on. It was the runt and did not have any feathers and was neglected by the mother. I took care of it all day at work and planned on taking it to a wildlife reserve after work. Two minutes away from the reserve, we hit a pothole and I dropped it. It died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 267

Today, it's my first day as the boss, after waiting months for this promotion. Today is also the day my replacement, who I trained for three months, quit. Now I've got two jobs for the price of one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 116

Today, and every time I want to try something new, my dad starts pointing out why it’s a stupid idea, or how it will obviously go wrong, and gets himself so worked up that in the end he’s just shouting at me while I cower, yet it also makes him mad when I just sit in my room with no hobbies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 99

Today, it was our 19 year wedding anniversary. When I mentioned this to my husband, all he did was grunt at me and never brought it up again for the rest of the day. I didn't get anything. No flowers, no card, no dinner, nothing. Oh, and I also had to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 190