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By Anonymous - 23/11/2018 13:30 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my sister put a piece of leather in my homemade beef jerkey to prove a point. I ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 212

You deserved it 1 433

Time out

By sadandmad - 20/01/2016 16:09 - United States - Bonita Springs

Today, my husband took a pill to make him last longer in bed. He did last longer. He went from 5 minutes to 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 191

You deserved it 2 949

Cute but annoying

By Anonymous - 17/12/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 427

You deserved it 14 025

Not so smooth criminal

By Anonymous - 14/08/2013 09:11 - United States - Sanford

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 354

You deserved it 6 870

Kennel fatigue

By TooFlamingHot - 14/01/2016 02:08 - Australia - Ashfield

Today, I arrived at the kennels I work in to find the power disconnected and the water pump off. This meant I had to bucket water and carry it to keep over sixty assorted dogs and cats alive in temperatures over 90 degrees. The moment I finished, the power came back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 901

You deserved it 1 517

By TabbyCat87 - 13/01/2016 00:16 - United States - Lamar

Today, my mom informed me she got married two weeks ago. Hard to congratulate her when this is her eighth husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 638

You deserved it 1 478

By Oh-Shit! - 10/08/2013 15:23 - United States

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 226

You deserved it 5 500

By krfenton8 - 11/01/2016 06:49

Today, I had a bad feeling about walking to work because of the weather. Instead, I drove. My car slid on the ice and I created a four-car pile up. All three of the other people involved have decided to sue me. I should've walked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 606

You deserved it 4 113

By leftout - 25/12/2015 05:51 - United States - Whitney

Today, I spent the holiday with my husband's big family. They suggested we take a family picture, but two people were purposely left out of it. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 300

You deserved it 1 664

By Unluggee - 04/06/2009 10:38 - United Kingdom

Today, at a party, my three friends and I thought it would be fun to urinate in a jug. We dislike the neighbours, so decided to throw the contents of the jug over the fence into their garden. It hit a tree and splashed back. I ended up covered in our piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 962

You deserved it 188 845

Are you kidding me?

By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 04:00 - United States - Greensburg

Today, I was on my way to college when I got in a car wreck with none other than my professor. My car was totaled and couldn't drive, but his could so I missed class, but he still made it. The end result? He marked me as an "unexcused absence" and gave me a zero. The accident was his fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 962

You deserved it 636

FOMO

By StayedHome89 - 20/12/2009 06:25 - United States

Today, I ran into some friends from high school who had just gotten back from college. We were talking about what happened during our sophomore year. When it was my turn to tell them what I had been doing, all I could say was, "Well, I started wearing V-neck t-shirts and they're pretty comfortable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 724

You deserved it 28 266

This is some cool impression

By Lewis - 25/12/2018 00:30

I present to you: Joe Snow, the fire's watch commander!

I agree, your life sucks 264

You deserved it 105

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I saw my four-year-old son running around outside, and copying everything our dog was doing. I thought it was cute, so I went to grab the camera. When I went back outside, I saw my dog eating a dead rabbit, and my son doing the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 042

You deserved it 6 446

By whitnayfortooh - 04/12/2015 18:26 - United States - Hampton

Today, I was trying to get a piece of apple that was stuck in between my teeth. A chunk of my tooth came out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 365

You deserved it 2 384

whitnayfortooh tells us more.

whitnayfortooh 29

Saturday 5 December 2015 2:50

I grind my teeth pretty violently at night which caused the chip. Not bad dental hygiene ;)

Worn out

By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 16:09 - Canada

Today, while my boyfriend was going down on me, he fell asleep right between my legs. The worst part was I only noticed when he started snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 952

You deserved it 6 006

By Singlewife - 23/03/2019 22:00

Today my husband got drunk and wrecked the house. And when I say wrecked the house, I mean ripping everything off book shelves, Tearing the ceiling fan out of the wall, Opening the fridge and shoveling everything out. Glass everywhere. etc. and this isn’t the first time. I clean up every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 405

You deserved it 1 619

Cats being weird little dudes

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 338

You deserved it 3 805

By Bawsack - 06/04/2017 00:00

Today, I dyed my hair. It was all going well, until I forgot I had a head full of product and scratched an itch. I didn't realise my mistake until later, and now have to replace my six-month old sofa because it has a huge stain that alternates from purple to bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 364

You deserved it 3 154

By apparentlybutch - 05/09/2014 21:11 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I asked out the girl I really like. She turned me down, saying that she's a lesbian. That'd be fine, if I were a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 243

You deserved it 4 583

By mydadforgetsme - 04/11/2015 17:26 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad forgot it's my birthday. When I told him about it, he accused me of lying and threatened to ground me for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 709

You deserved it 1 476

By MissTrix - 29/10/2010 00:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend decided he hates my male best friend because they have "conflicting interests." My best friend's response? "What's his gamertag so I can shoot him in Halo?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 962

You deserved it 7 387

OPEN UP!

By forgetful - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, our family bought a new car. When we got home, I opened the trunk to get my backpack. It turns out I left it in the trunk of our trade-in. The dealership is closed now and I have a presentation due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 676

You deserved it 6 967

By alex327 - 29/10/2015 03:32 - United States - Dayton

Today, I tapped my sister on her shoulder to get her attention. I guess I was too close to her neck, which is where she is most ticklish, and ended up in the emergency room with a broken nose after she elbowed me in the face. I was just trying to repay her the $10 I borrowed from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 472

You deserved it 2 057

I'm not paid enough for this shit

By FabFor87 - 19/12/2016 16:15 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my boss asked me to send an email on his behalf with an important report attached. I've already received 3 responses from directors commenting on poor spelling and factual errors. I get paid 1/4 the salary of my boss and he can't even write properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 803

You deserved it 544

By MagicS2 - 09/05/2017 21:00 - Brazil

Today, I was running to catch a bus and when I finally got on, the driver closed the door on me. My arm is now entirely purple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 592

You deserved it 353

OK boomer moment

By Anonymous - 20/10/2015 13:39 - United Kingdom

Today, two women came into my place of work, complaining loudly that they couldn't afford a £3 course fee because they didn't have any money to spend on themselves. They were holding large Starbucks coffees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 519

You deserved it 1 475

Taste test

By Pissedoff777 - 12/08/2011 05:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 443

You deserved it 7 905

By Anonymous - 16/05/2017 16:00

Today, I've been yawning every few minutes. Which would be fine, except every couple of yawns my jaw dislocates, and I have to put it back in place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 212

You deserved it 352

You tried at least

By oreosaretoocool - 05/12/2016 19:10 - United Kingdom - Cardenden

Today, I finally gave my mum an expensive designer dress I spent months saving to buy for her as she had been very depressed. However she has gained so much weight from stress eating she ripped it when trying to put it on, and now won't talk to me because, "I wanted to make her feel fat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 684

You deserved it 1 147

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The Top

Today, I caught my neighbor picking my flowers out of the planter on my porch. When I said something to her, she ran off and knocked over the planter, smashing it. She is now acting like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 143

You deserved it 3 064

Today, I was waiting for the bus while wearing my FML shirt. A passer-by stopped, stared at me for a moment, and said, "I agree, your life sucks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 123

You deserved it 58 685

Today, when my boyfriend and I were becoming intimate, his cat decides to jump onto the bed and lie right in between us. He then informs me that he wanted to stop to "preserve his cat's innocence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 960

You deserved it 4 911

Today, I realised I get really attached to characters in long-running TV shows, because I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 173

Today, my dad has been faking social anxiety to make me feel like there's something wrong with me. How do I know? Because I actually have social anxiety, and he not only shows no symptoms of it, but he also has a lot of misconceptions about it that he would know are false if he actually did have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 190

Today, it's been a month since I silently moved on from my online boyfriend. I met him in a chatroom after a break-up. I thought he was my "forever after." He told me he'd lost his feelings for me and told me to wait. I waited, only for him to reveal that he was going on a date by asking me if a shirt was good for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 222