The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Grant Williams - 07/05/2019 17:37

Today, while mildly tipsy, I threw myself onto my bed at a weird angle and somehow managed to somersault off my bed and land in my clothes hamper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 827

By fishfloors - 21/04/2017 14:00

Today, I finally broke down and paid someone to clean my condo. Sometime after she finished, my cat threw up. Then my roomba went off, smearing regurgitated mackerel all over the freshly washed floors. There goes $150. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 381

You deserved it 908

Mixtapes are my love language

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, at college, the weird guy who stares at me every day came over, said, "I've made you a mixtape," then handed me an old, empty Queen's Greatest Hits CD case and scuttled off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 026

You deserved it 274

By alex327 - 29/10/2015 03:32 - United States - Dayton

Today, I tapped my sister on her shoulder to get her attention. I guess I was too close to her neck, which is where she is most ticklish, and ended up in the emergency room with a broken nose after she elbowed me in the face. I was just trying to repay her the $10 I borrowed from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 471

You deserved it 2 057

I'm not paid enough for this shit

By FabFor87 - 19/12/2016 16:15 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my boss asked me to send an email on his behalf with an important report attached. I've already received 3 responses from directors commenting on poor spelling and factual errors. I get paid 1/4 the salary of my boss and he can't even write properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 801

You deserved it 542

Surprise!

By Idiot - 26/05/2019 02:00

Today, I was in a store with my mom. I wandered off, then walked around looking for her. I spotted her, and decided to put on a ski mask to give her a scare for a laugh. I hid around a corner and yelled "BOO!" when I saw her. It wasn't my mom, and I'm now banned from that store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 2 306

OK boomer moment

By Anonymous - 20/10/2015 13:39 - United Kingdom

Today, two women came into my place of work, complaining loudly that they couldn't afford a £3 course fee because they didn't have any money to spend on themselves. They were holding large Starbucks coffees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 518

You deserved it 1 474

You tried at least

By oreosaretoocool - 05/12/2016 19:10 - United Kingdom - Cardenden

Today, I finally gave my mum an expensive designer dress I spent months saving to buy for her as she had been very depressed. However she has gained so much weight from stress eating she ripped it when trying to put it on, and now won't talk to me because, "I wanted to make her feel fat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 683

You deserved it 1 147

Waste my time

By screwyoucompany - 19/05/2017 20:00

Today, I had a job interview. I was almost late due to road closure and being blocked in my street by the trash truck. The "interview" turned out to be a hiring fair, with lots of other people. I had to wait outside for 3 hours in the sun with no shade, water or food. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 563

You deserved it 378

By Moon_Glade - 03/06/2017 16:00

Today, at work, I have discovered the wonderful feeling of having a paper cut, with metal, under your nail, on all your nails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 005

You deserved it 374

Spelling Bee

By anda1000douchesscourthispostformistakes - 16/09/2015 13:42 - United States - Meriden

Today, I made it onto my boss's shit-list, after pointing out that he'd misspelled "customer" as "costumer" 6 times in his report, and "college education" as "collage education" twice. It'd be a dick move on his part even if making corrections like this weren't part of my damn job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 067

You deserved it 1 724

By RightInTheFace - 12/09/2015 16:16 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 600

You deserved it 1 909

By 41k312 - 01/11/2016 05:03

Today, while joking with my coworkers about how I shouldn't be trusted with a stapler because I managed to accidentally staple my finger last week, I stapled another finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 764

You deserved it 3 650

By Smittynumerouno - 28/10/2016 03:13 - United States - Amarillo

Today, I had an old man yell in my face because the boxes in our store only had Spanish words on them. I spent 15 minutes apologizing and trying to explain that the English was on the back side. He stormed out before I could even show him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 849

You deserved it 927

By brittsters - 04/09/2015 17:46 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 950

You deserved it 3 090

Technique

By icandothecancan - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Duncan

Today, while in the yard, my 18-month-old son decided to take off running into the road, where a car was driving. I rushed after him, only for one of my dress straps to suddenly break without warning. It must have looked like I was trying to flag down the driver with my flailing tit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 035

You deserved it 6 283

By catslave - 17/09/2016 08:43 - New Zealand

Today, my cat wanted to go out. She watched me open the front door, leave it open while I got something from the car then come back inside. She then insisted on going out the back door. I'm a slave to a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 077

You deserved it 1 895

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 02:55 - Canada

Today, my siblings came home for the weekend. At dinner, my dad started complaining at how one of my siblings had gotten fired, one was failing college, and the other was gay. He went on to say I was 17 and already had a bright future. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 945

You deserved it 61 476

Awkward

By notmyfam - 09/09/2016 07:47 - Australia - Chester Hill

Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 639

You deserved it 1 049

By Just Lonely - 04/09/2016 05:04 - United States - La Place

Today, after not hanging out with anyone the whole year, a guy finally asked me to go the movies with him. When I asked what time, he said, "Never mind, I found another girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 616

You deserved it 989

Uncomfortable

By bad timing - 04/09/2019 00:01 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, at work, my manager accidentally bumped into me, brushing my behind with the back of his hand. He was a bit embarrassed, so I jokingly said, “You could at least buy me dinner first!” He went to HR and told them I made him uncomfortable. I was just trying to lighten the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 938

You deserved it 378

By stupiddog - 15/04/2014 12:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 397

You deserved it 5 288

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 05/06/2021 08:00

Today, my mom walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. Later, police turned up because mom thought she was underage. I had to desperately prove to some very angry officers that I met my girlfriend at university, and she’s almost a year older than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 428

You deserved it 195

By rejectedprobably - 18/07/2016 23:06 - United States - Zionsville

Today, I asked one of my teachers to write me a letter of recommendation for my top school. Even though I did fairly well in their class, I found out that they don't think that I'm very intelligent, but my "strong, work ethic" makes up for it. They mentioned it in the letter and submitted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 412

You deserved it 1 163

Dodged a bullet, TBH

By RKD - 23/10/2019 22:00 - United States - Panama City

Today, my girlfriend, whom I thought I would marry, broke up with me. She broke up with me because I don't believe the government controls the weather. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 878

You deserved it 228

By Starter656 - 24/12/2017 06:00

Today, I'm the designated driver for a Christmas party I wasn't even invited to. Not only do I get to watch people have a good time, but I'm also supposed to not get involved in the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 420

You deserved it 827

Chuck E. Cheese awaits

By mama’s boy - 31/10/2019 00:01

Today, I realized just how spoiled and immature my boyfriend is when I asked him several times what he’d like for dinner. Getting no answer, I made steak, potatoes and salad. He then sulked and refused to eat it, since he wanted spaghetti and meatballs instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 347

You deserved it 412

By Anonymous - 13/02/2014 15:20 - United States - Reno

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 296

You deserved it 19 016

Not mine!

By Anonymous - 21/12/2019 18:00

Today, my girlfriend wished me a happy birthday. Too bad my birthday isn't for 5 months. She mixed up my birthday with the guy she's been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 751

You deserved it 250

Sea legs

By gimpy - 23/06/2016 15:00 - United States - Panama City

Today, I was carrying my coffee from the kitchen to the coffee table and couch. Last week I had ACL surgery, so I'm on crutches. Unfortunately, I got the urge to sneeze on my walk to the couch. I didn't make it to the couch before I sneezed and spilled coffee everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 266

You deserved it 1 267

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Homophobia Anger issues LGBTQIA+ Religion Work Friends Love Weird Jealousy Animals Technology Dogs Videos Neighbours Kids Annoying Noise Relatable Argument Gross Poopoo peepee Transportation Cars Health Awkward Growing old Miscellaneous Cheating Parents Break-ups

The Top

Today, at preschool, I got to meet the mother of my daughter's best friend. She complimented mine's grades, and noted her quirkiness. I complimented her's for being congenial and being well-rounded. Later, my daughter said they are no longer besties because her mom said I called her daughter fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 754

You deserved it 1 688

Today, I went to a costume contest as Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. I won, which was nice, until I was told that the only flaws in my "Samwell Tarly" outfit were my long hair and wrong sword. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 762

You deserved it 2 835

Today, I was working at Staples and organizing some notebooks. All of a sudden, I jumped up because of a sharp pain in my back. A little girl had grabbed a stapler and stapled my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 374

You deserved it 2 647

Today, my colleague heated 1,5 liters of water, waited visibly impatient the several minutes it took to boil, made himself one cup of tea, then poured the rest down the drain. Maximum amount of time and energy wasted in one go? Check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 121

Today, I learned that when you try to be respectful of your new girlfriend and stay out of her pants for the first couple of months, she's just going to sleep with your douchebag roommate. He even said, "A girl this hot, you need to fuck her ASAP or she'll leave. Your loss, dude." FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 283

Today, my dad went to urgent care because what all of us thought was a passing cold got worse. It wasn't a cold; it was that new vaccine-resistant flu variant, and neither he or I wore masks the day before when we had to go to my physical therapist. We were sitting right next to each other for at least 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 143