The Top

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Leaky

By Anonymous - 30/04/2026 20:00 - Canada - Cranbrook

Today I woke up to myself (24F) accidentally losing control of my bowels in bed. I’m not sick, just a food intolerance. The worst part is that my fiancé was sound asleep next to me and I had to wake him up to tell him what happened so I could wash the sheets and bed at one in the morning. He's is now sleeping on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 92

Self sabotage

By Leah - 05/05/2023 03:00

Today, I was super nervous about seeing a really cute rental property in a HIGHLY competitive market. I thought it was going well until I panicked and shook the landlord's hand as I was leaving, even though she specifically said she doesn't do handshakes at the beginning of the tour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 335

Another resolution bites the dust

By Anonymous - 30/09/2024 00:00 - Germany - Seevetal

Today, I was extremely tired, so when I decided I wanted a snack, I went to the corner of the kitchen where the chocolate is, opened the garbage bin, and reached inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 342

Best keep it under wraps

By Amandy - 05/05/2026 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was about to admit and open up to my good friend about the guy I like, who she's known longer than I have, until I heard her say something to another friend about him: "Stop pestering my sister's boyfriend!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 80

Beggars can't be choosers

By Kathleen - 04/12/2020 08:08

Today, the weird guy with the 'Elvis in Las Vegas' haircut-and-sunglasses combo who cleans tables at my work tried to hit on me. This is the most interest any man has given me in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 219

Get back here

By Ubermensch - 10/05/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I picked up a passenger from the airport who insisted he was late. Drove fast, dropped him off, felt efficient, then noticed his phone on the back seat. After circling trying to find him, I ended up back at the airport, where he was waiting because I’d taken him to the wrong terminal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 332

Overreact much?!

By Kohsukeff - 07/12/2020 05:02 - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, my dad called me a "worthless human being", and told me that I'm "better off committing crimes and living life in a prison cell", all because I haven't gotten into the industry I studied for right out of college. I'm currently at a temp job doing accounting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 97

Axe to grind

By Hope his parents are proud. - 08/10/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, at my workplace, I caught a kid trying to break into my boss's car, as well as my own. After warning him that I'd call the police if I caught him again, he left. Then, after I got home, I heard weird noises right outside my door. It was him again, trying to break into my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 98

On a promise

By Brian - 12/05/2026 20:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my girlfriend invited me to her apartment for "Taco Tuesday date night", saying that she had "homemade tacos." She actually made homemade tacos for us to eat for dinner. Oh, and she was on her period. Fantasy ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 583

Health is overrated

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 12:00

Today, trying to get into shape because I run out of breath after walking more than 30 minutes, I started to hit the gym. Too bad my legs didn’t want to cooperate and decided that it would cause limping-worthy pain for every step I took on the treadmill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 202

Alexa, play "Schizophrenia" by Sonic Youth

By But is killing them really that bad? - 14/05/2023 12:00 - United States - Carson City

Today, my parents have gone from expecting nearly-impossible things to being convinced I can't do basic tasks. Apparently if you're not schizophrenic you can do things that are ridiculous, and if you're schizophrenic you can't do anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 148

Fade out

By Anonymous - 10/10/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after my dad and I had a real heart to heart and even settled some differences last night, this morning he was back to his grumpy asshole self. He even asked what he did last night, because he was on the new painkiller his doctor prescribed, and couldn’t remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 77

Who even are you?

By Anonymous - 14/05/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend didn't have a son that died in a car accident. He's never even had any kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 64

Thanks, babe

By Anonymous - 14/12/2020 22:58 - Canada - Moncton

Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend of almost 4 years completely forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 125

Red flag

By Anonymous - 11/10/2024 16:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I explained to my husband how much it bothers me when he constantly talks about one of his coworkers. He listened closely, never interrupted me, and seemed genuinely sorry afterwards. While he was consoling me and telling me that he'll stop, he called me by her name… three different times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 70

Duly noted

By Anonymous - 16/05/2026 22:00 - United States - DeLand

Today, my boss watched me get my waistband hooked on a safety hazard in the warehouse. She included it in the safety report. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 92

Kinda gross

By Gross - 18/05/2026 20:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my dentist asked me if I floss regularly. Wanting to avoid judgment, I lied and said yes. He nodded, started cleaning my teeth, then pulled out an entire popcorn kernel that had apparently been living in my gums long enough to pay rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 445

Enjoy the weekend!

By Anonymous - 11/02/2022 18:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was accidently stabbed in the shin with a pen, right before a long weekend. It will need stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 98

Teamsports

By Anonymous - 16/10/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, my husband is very liberal. Normally this is a good thing, but the people across the street have put out a TRUMP sign and he's gone nuts. He built a massive HARRIS/WALZ sign in our front yard and is hassling the rest of the neighborhood about it. Half of them are putting out TRUMP signs out of spite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 479

Full of himself

By Anonymous - 21/05/2026 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, during a Tinder date, the guy spent a solid hour talking about the Tinder date he went on yesterday with someone else. Honestly, I only stayed to the end because the restaurant was excellent. The guy was actually confused when I split the bill and didn’t want to have sex with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 74

Dementia?

By Anonymous - 24/05/2026 00:00 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my dad called me a pussy and said I wasn't a real man, simply because I hugged and kissed my son and told him that I loved him. It gets even better though. My dad was openly affectionate and loving to me when I was a kid, then somewhere along the line, he became this horrible person. Can't go no contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 72

Sobering

By TheLivingDeadTree - 19/10/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I made my way to bed around 4am after spending all night hanging out with my family. When I got to my bed, I started to clear a spot to lay down. Almost immediately, my hand touched something furry and cold and, fearing the worst, I turned the light on. Turns out my cat left me a half eaten rodent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 112

The economy is doing great

By Anonymous - 26/05/2026 09:00 - United States - Boston

Today, during a work happy hour, someone complained about “people who still live with their parents after 25.” I laughed along before remembering I had taken the train there from my parents’ house because my landlord raised my rent again. To make it worse, the guy at the table later asked if anyone could spot him money for a taxi home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 222

Health hazard

By Melinda - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking through the bar area of the restaurant I work at and fell on my ass. Customers complained to my manager that I shouldn't be drinking on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 332

You deserved it 2 994

Preferential treatment

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 08:03 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my mom’s house has several comfortable places to rest in every room. For the cats and dogs, that is. Unfortunately for me, I'm a human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 134

Clueless

By Anonymous - 28/05/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I told my crush I liked him. Instead of rejecting me or telling me that he might have felt similar, he decided to pretend to be dumb and clueless and just kept asking who my crush was. I found out later that he knew all along but he just wanted to ragebait me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 92

I'm the father who stepped up

By Anonymous - 31/05/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, in the aftermath of our breakup, I asked my ex-fiancee if I could still be part of her sons' lives since I've been basically a father to them for almost 12 years. She told me to fuck off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 141

Stuck

By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 07:57 - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, I found out that the badly-parked car without MOT, that I chose not to report, has been moved and now blocking my car in. I need to get to the shops and have no idea who the driver is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 162

Green fingers

By Pauline - 26/10/2024 03:00 - Canada

Today, three weeks after I finally tried my hand at gardening by planting a bunch of herbs and was so proud of my work, I found out that I had actually been watering weeds this whole time. My herbs were actually the things I was trying to eliminate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 449

Happy V-Day

By Anonymous - 02/06/2026 03:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, I got a DM from an unknown sender saying “Happy Anniversary.” It was my 11th grade boyfriend and the “Anniversary” was of us losing our virginity to each other. This happened over 20 years ago! I’ve blocked his creepy ass more times than I can count, but he just won’t stay away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 49

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The Top

Today, my friend, who I'm moving in with, flew up to drive from Pennsylvania to Texas, where she lives, with me. I went to the airport to pick her up and we discovered she accidentally flew to the wrong airport. On the other side of the state. I'm driving through the night to rescue her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 168

You deserved it 1 363

Today, as a recruiter, I had an interview with a promising candidate for an open position at my company. The interview was going well until the candidate interrupted me halfway through to take a selfie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 039

You deserved it 4 432

Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in the mirror, I spotted a zit on my forehead. Keeping my toothbrush in my mouth, I quickly leaned in towards the mirror to pop the pimple, meanwhile lodging my toothbrush down my throat. I temporarily can't talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 772

You deserved it 44 264

Today, I got mugged by someone wearing a bear suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 287

You deserved it 4 717

Today, like every other day of my life, I have hypermobility. I had an important dress and tech rehearsal for a production due to start tomorrow. Guess what day my ankle decided to give out midway down a flight of stairs, leaving my foot rapidly swelling… FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 105

Today, I was preparing for a date with an amazing woman I'd been talking to for two weeks. An hour before our date, I sent a check-in text; no response. After about 30 minutes, I reset my phone as a last hope and received her message from TWO HOURS BEFORE, checking in with me. I'm now blocked with no way to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 78