The Top

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Splat!

By Anonymous - 02/07/2022 14:00

Today, because I have an inner ear problem which gives me major vertigo and nausea, I spontaneously projectile vomited all over my bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 93

By Harry - 13/05/2014 22:37 - United States - Milledgeville

Today, I went to a restaurant with my friend, where my credit card got denied in front of everyone. The staff teased me and made me sit in the restaurant while my friend begged for money outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 883

You deserved it 8 322

Fat chance

By Dave - 23/04/2012 13:22 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 662

You deserved it 22 069

By Eyebrowsgone - 25/08/2010 13:10 - United States

Today, I decided to wax my own eyebrows with a Do It Yourself kit from the pharmacy. I'm now missing half of my right eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 435

You deserved it 42 110

Time to unionize

By Anonymous - 31/03/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, when our boss told us he was giving himself the same raise as everyone else was getting, we thought he was finally being a decent human being. Nope. He meant it literally. His raise to himself is the same amount as the other 12 employees' raises combined. His raise is 12x what ours is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 76

By mybmw - 14/10/2009 10:39 - United States

Today, was my mom's birthday. I recently got my first job, thanks to her, and could finally afford to buy her something nice. I spent my first paycheck ever on buying her a very nice bracelet. She said it was nice, then asked if I would mind if she exchanged it for one she actually liked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 035

You deserved it 4 441

Kitchen Nightmares

By Anonymous - 20/06/2022 00:00 - Germany - Moormerland

Today, I made huge pot of curry, adhering almost exactly to my proven and delicious recipe. It tasted completely bland, even with all the spices. I kept adding salt, until it tasted bland and oversalted at the same time. I think either the salt is broken or my taste buds are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 815

Coyness is nice, and coyness can stop you…

By Krissy - 01/04/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I went to a friend's party, only to realize I was in the wrong apartment, after getting the address confused. Instead of awkwardly leaving, I stayed for a bit and pretended I was someone’s cousin. I was oddly suspicious that no one noticed me mingling, but then it turned out to be a shady MLM recruitment party for a leggings company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 432

Sweet talking

By ... - 21/04/2012 02:49 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I called my mobile phone provider to end my contract. A sales rep spent over half an hour trying to convince me to reconsider, and I kept refusing. I ended up breaking down and accepting a "more economical" contract, which I didn't notice costs almost twice as much as the last one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 074

You deserved it 38 434

Driven

By Anonymous - 04/09/2019 16:03

Today, I drove 3 hours to get to a class, just to have the professor leave a note on the classroom door saying that she wasn't coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 675

You deserved it 121

Cough it up

By kaitlyn is here - 27/04/2021 05:01

Today, my parents took me out to eat. When the bill came, they stared at me for a while before asking, “Aren’t you gonna pay?” They've never made me pay before, there was no indication that I’d have to pay this time, and I’d left my wallet at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 262

Emergency

By Ethan Sitzes - 25/06/2022 22:00

Today, I called into work because of a family emergency. My boss was understanding; my coworker? He tore me a new one because his wife wanted him to take the day off, which he didn't because it was going to be a tough day at work. He also threatened to find a way he could get me fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 18/06/2011 15:43 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friend and two pretty girls. During the movie, he made out with both of them, while I sat there awkwardly and watched the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 253

You deserved it 5 919

Truth bomb

By Hoo boy - 09/04/2025 09:00 - United States - New York

Today, my wife was snoring in my ear. I nudged her, and she rolled over and started talking in her sleep. I listened, because it was funny, until I heard, quite clearly, "My husband is a dumbass, he's got no idea." No idea of what, exactly? FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 18/08/2010 19:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell down the stairs while reading the 'mind your step' sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 523

You deserved it 14 647

Grab the balls by the horn, dude

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 18:00

Today, the only girl I've ever had eyes for said she can't find any good single men, all while sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 571

By esbemebe1113 - 27/03/2013 21:12 - United States - Cartersville

Today, I had to present a project for my science class. I began explaining my project; looking at all the bored people, I got incredibly nervous. My nervousness then caused me to laugh hysterically, causing my classmates to laugh. My teacher felt sorry for me and told me to sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 753

You deserved it 4 266

esbemebe1113 tells us more.

esbemebe1113 6

Friday 29 March 2013 1:40

Hi, this is OP. I loved all of your comments and read every single one. I couldn't believe this got on the site! Thanks to number #22: I loved you're comment and made me feel loads better. I love that everyone was so understanding. What's strange is that although I am a painfully awkward, I usually just get really red when I have to talk to the class. Thankfully I have a lot of good friends in real life to comfort me. (and a few new internet ones!) Thanks for finding my life entertaining!

Choosing Beggars

By Miserable person - 10/09/2019 18:00

Today, after spending 5+ hours of my life painting a portrait of someone's cat for them, I finally finished it, perfect condition, no mistakes. I was supposed to be paid 300 bucks for it. Got 50 bucks because it was too "vibrant." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 789

You deserved it 246

By anonymous - 26/03/2013 18:31 - United States - Staten Island

Today, after getting a new haircut, I decided to take a few photos. I set up my iPhone in my room and began posing. It wasn't until numerous shots later that I realized my phone had posted every picture to Facebook, and they were all over everyone's newsfeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 530

You deserved it 45 767

The Gap

By mimabee - 14/06/2011 13:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got a job at a trendy clothing store in the mall. Trying to be supportive, I went to visit him and tried something on. I got stuck in the jeans and had to call my boyfriend, who sent the manager to pull the jeans off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 748

You deserved it 13 865

Assumptions

By Martin s - 08/05/2021 07:59 - United States - Manahawkin

Today, I saw the crazy meth guy, who randomly rolls up on you on his bike and tells you how he met Jesus, leading a little boy behind a church. After I made sure nothing weird was happening, I reported it to the police and posted a status to warn parents on Facebook, I found it was actually his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 1 047

In your dreams

By Ambitious - 20/04/2025 15:00 - India

Today, marks two years since me and my boyfriend refused to apply for jobs because we wanted to “pursue our dreams.” We are currently unemployed and frustrated, while our friends make six figures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 1 124

By nina - 11/08/2010 16:04 - Luxembourg

Today, I was talking to a friend about this stranger I kissed a few nights ago while drinking. I commented that I was ashamed of doing so, and to make matters worse, the guy was really unattractive. It turns out he was no stranger. I'd kissed my friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 670

You deserved it 40 927

Bonus dilemma

By Conflicted - 23/04/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she got a hefty bonus at work and will pay off my credit card debt. I was gonna break up with her because I’d been working on resolving things with my ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 1 015

Gravel?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 834

You deserved it 4 324

This season on Succession…

By DeathBySquirrelsShallBeHis - 10/07/2022 10:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my dad started openly playing favorites among his kids, just to start drama. I had to warn my little sister - the favorite - that he was using her senior photos to do it. I'm gonna kill him, and get her a better dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 149

Shut up!

By Unfun funeral - 01/11/2023 04:00 - United States

Today, I went to my uncle's funeral. His eulogy was ruined by an annoying little kid repeatedly talking over the pastor, who didn't pause for anything, no matter how many times his parents told him to stop. The complimentary lunch was horrible, and the hearse driving him to the cemetery got into an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 80

By nobrows - 06/04/2012 17:11 - United States - Malvern

Today, my sister gave me a makeover. I protested, but she insisted it'd look great. After an eternity of eyebrow plucking, she handed me the mirror. I now have extremely badly-drawn sharpie eyebrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 981

You deserved it 6 398

By Username - 06/06/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, I used a fire extinguisher for the first time. Too bad it was on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 312

You deserved it 3 570

Different together

By jessie - 15/05/2021 04:00

Today, my mom walked in on me shaving the tops of my legs. She called me a freak, since apparently women aren’t even supposed to grow hair there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 89

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was walking my dog when he stopped in the middle of the street and took a dump. I looked around furtively but saw nobody, so I just kept walking. I stepped in it on the way back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 025

You deserved it 97 662

Today, my boss fired me for "fooling around" on my phone. I was looking for supplies for a surprise party we are throwing him for his birthday, and I didn't want to do it on my work computer because he has access to our history. Also, this happened during my lunch break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 444

You deserved it 1 964

Today, my boss fired me for dating a co-worker. There's no policy forbidding it; he just thought it was unfair that I could get with the "hottest girl who works here" but he can't. I live in an at-will employment state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 678

You deserved it 3 286

Today, I found out my daughter was planning a wedding and invited everyone but me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 773

You deserved it 503

Today, thanks to the hormone treatments for my cancer, I have gained so much weight I am now officially the punchline for “How does a fat man find his penis? With a mirror on a stick and an erection.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 166

Today, I pulled up my ex's socials so my girls and I could laugh at the gross fat chick he's dating now. I ended up crying because he looks so much happier with her than he was with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 1 195