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By imscrewed - 29/07/2009 19:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going out tonight to celebrate his ex-but-still-friends-girlfriend's birthday at a local club and hopes I wasn't offended that I wasn't invited. I sure am offended; we have the same birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 446

You deserved it 4 144

By dirk855 - 18/01/2009 10:29 - United States

Today, I crashed into a ditch on my way home from work. I had to walk 2 miles in -25 below zero weather before I could pick up a cell phone signal to call a tow truck. When I got back to my car, a cop was waiting for me with a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 486

You deserved it 2 366

By Tooks - 28/07/2009 19:41 - United Kingdom

Today, everyone at work commented on how much better my new haircut looked and how I should keep styling it this way as it's such an improvement over my old style. I was late for work this morning. My new hair style was Bed hair that I didn't have time to sort out... FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 819

You deserved it 8 058

Delusional

By PleaseStop - 18/12/2022 21:00

Today, a female friend of mine keeps telling people we’re dating. No matter how many times I told her I'm gay and only attracted to men, she won’t take that for an answer. She’s actually arranged for me to meet her parents next weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 244

By FunGhoost - 20/02/2015 13:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to a phone with most of my female contacts missing. I think I'm dating a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 452

You deserved it 5 275

By they've been broken up for a year. - 19/11/2012 07:13 - United States - Dallas

Today, my girlfriend of six months yelled at me for not comforting her while she was crying because her ex got a new girlfriend, and "it's just not fair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 041

You deserved it 2 652

By extants - 11/02/2010 20:13 - United States

Today, I found out my broker invested my $6000 in the wrong stock. How did I find out? He called me to let me know the stock crashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 404

You deserved it 3 659

By FlatTire - 13/02/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I found out that I have enough driving skills to manage to hit a pothole and have two of my tires go flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 034

You deserved it 19 512

By suuuucks - 11/02/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, I got my new work schedule. I really need the hours. The boss says he can't give me more because the economy is bad. However, he did find enough hours to hire his son last week. This week? Most of my hours were erased and given to the new employee; his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 477

You deserved it 2 294

Break ups are tough

By ... - 10/02/2010 09:08 - United States

Today, my pissed off girlfriend used window marker to write racist comments on my car window. This included Nazi symbols, "white power", and a few others I won't mention. I live in a predominantly black neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 203

You deserved it 4 382

By Deadfish - 26/07/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I was walking to the pet store to buy a month's worth of fish food for my fish so I wouldn't have to come back for a while. For fish food it was expensive. It was also surprisingly heavy and I had to carry it back to my house. When I got home, I saw my fish floating at the top of its bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 405

You deserved it 7 149

By poisonhand - 14/01/2009 15:32 - United States

Today, a co-worker asked me if I had a comb he could borrow. I'm bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 787

You deserved it 2 809

Insecure tradlife

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 00:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my boyfriend told me that in order for me to be considered for marriage, I need to prove that I can be a subservient woman. This includes signing over the deed to my house, my car, and all my banking assets, so that he can be “the man of the house.” I make 6 figures; he rents with roommates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 198

By Investing in Toilet Seatbelts - 14/02/2015 09:46 - United States - Sparks

Today, my youngest daughter finally started using the toilet on her own. That is, until her older sister showed her the South Park episode where someone gets their intestines sucked out by flushing the toilet. Now she won't go anywhere near the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 424

You deserved it 3 649

Hey!

By karlajjjjj - 25/10/2013 12:19 - United Kingdom - Cold Ashby

Today, I was cycling home when I saw my sister, who lives a 4 hour drive away, walking past me on the path. I turned my head and called to her, causing me not to notice the pothole in front of me. My front wheel went in and I went over the handlebars. It wasn't even my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 347

You deserved it 11 733

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 21:55 - United States - Scarsdale

Today, knowing that I have been in a lot of stress lately, my friend tried to teach me how to meditate. Eventually, I ended up in a deeply relaxed state in which my mind was completely clear. When I snapped out of it, I realized I'd peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 829

You deserved it 3 610

By MAC - 13/01/2009 09:47 - France

Today, like every other day, I turn up at work at the security guard's gate to show my ID badge. Except that my brother had stuck a huge "FBI" sticker on it. My co-workers now all call me Mulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 420

You deserved it 3 170

Awkward Compliments

By FML Videos - 25/08/2018 23:59

I know you're lying, but I'll take it.

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 94

Rubbing it in

By Anonymous - 10/01/2023 14:00

Today, my soon-to-be-ex emailed me a pic of them with the person whom they left me for. After I didn't respond, they called just to say, "Fuck off and die." Four days previously, I got laid off from my job. I'm getting too old for this stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 117

By bummed and broke - 13/11/2012 18:24 - United States

Today, I bought an $80, "invincible" phone case. One test drop later, my phone had turned into an expensive paperweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 874

You deserved it 35 022

By NinjaWafflesx - 15/12/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, my mother hacked my Facebook and broke up with my boyfriend and pretended to be me. She told him if he ever talks to me again, she'll call the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 775

You deserved it 3 965

By Snotmyfault - 11/01/2009 14:33 - United States

Today, at the age of 22, I started eating my boogers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 574

You deserved it 49 416

By brownunderwear - 14/12/2011 03:45 - United States

Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 799

You deserved it 7 888

Halitosis

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when I asked him to go brush his teeth, since his breath stank. He went back to playing video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 296

The struggle is real

By Anonymous - 07/01/2023 12:00 - Germany

Today, I can tell that my cat comes from a household were there was not much cleaning being done: The vacuum is a monster to be fled from, while the mop and the lint brush, as well as any cleaning rag, are brazen intruders to be vanquished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 702

A ghost

By Anonymous - 12/07/2020 20:01

Today, I'm stuck in quarantine and my friends are planning stuff like swimming without me in our group chat, instead of doing it in another chat group. It's like I don't even exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 413

By slypher25aussie - 09/11/2012 07:26 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a furniture store. We split up for a bit, and after a while I went to find him. A salesman noticed I seemed to be looking around for him and said, "Oh, your son is upstairs." We're the same age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 656

You deserved it 2 392

By Anonymous - 22/07/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I went to the airport for my two week trip to explore Europe. My ticket was denied and the workers turned me away. When I asked why, they told me to check the date. My ticket was for June 22nd, not July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 651

You deserved it 62 221

Pig in shit

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 14:00

Today, after leaving for a two-week-trip, and thinking this time my mom would finally have no choice but to clean the dirty toilet herself for once, because I’ve been doing it the entire year, along with most other chores, I think you can guess what I did first thing upon my return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 155

By beurk - 06/02/2015 05:18 - France - Paris

Today, in the magazine section of a bookstore, an old dude asked me politely to grab something that he couldn't reach. I did so with a smile, touched by his "nice old guy" demeanour, only glancing at the item in question as I handed it to him. It was a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 67

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The Top

Today, I walked into a really fancy hotel bathroom. I spoke to the attendant and gave her my purse and coat while I used the toilet. When I came out, she was gone. The receptionist informed me they didn't have a bathroom attendant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 052

You deserved it 52 553

Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 963

You deserved it 2 503

Today, my husband finally got round to cutting down a tree limb in our front yard after months of me begging him. It fell on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 369

You deserved it 15 871

Today, I was in a store and asked the sales clerk, “wow, how many months pregnant are you?” She replied, “my daughter is three years old…” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 619

You deserved it 7 300

Today, I had what I thought would be an important (and formal) interview. Not only did I turn up completely overdressed, the man who was interviewing me arrived 30 minutes late. To top it all off, I was so distracted by his mysterious total lack of eyebrows that I forgot everything I had to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 298

You deserved it 532

Today, I accidentally stepped on the metal prongs of an extension cord. After pulling it out of my sock, I noticed that all three of the prongs were covered in blood; they penetrated my foot. It bled like a gunshot wound for several minutes, and now my foot is unbearably sore, making it painful to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 180

You deserved it 229