The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Student Me vs Inner Me

By FML Approved - 08/09/2017 03:30 - France - Paris

The darkness calls...

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 107

BFF for life

By Anonymous - 29/04/2021 21:30 - United Kingdom - Wokingham

Today, I'd been lonely for a while when I finally met a girl that is genuinely brilliant. She's all huggy, clingy and likes me back. Turns out she's a lesbian, so we can't be anything more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 200

By phoneless - 17/04/2012 19:23 - Jordan

Today, I bought my first iPhone. Today, I broke my first iPhone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 189

You deserved it 26 252

By Anonymous - 19/08/2010 06:32 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of a year exclaimed "Oh my god!" for the first time during sex. Nope, I haven't improved in bed, I recently moved a TV into my room and something exciting happened on the show she was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 514

You deserved it 13 752

Shut up! Shut up!

By Steve - 30/04/2021 01:59

Today, I found out the guy taking the cubicle next to mine is the annoying dudebro who punctuates, like, every sentence he says with, like, the word "like" every, like, three words. Like… FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 156

Hoarding it for himself

By sleeplessinID - 15/08/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, I haven't had any real sleep in 4 days because I am an insomniac. My father is also an insomniac but he takes Ambien to get his rest. Me? I'm stuck staring at the ceiling for hours because he won't let me take any kind of medication, because he doesn't want me "getting addicted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 690

You deserved it 3 630

Jam it in my ears

By missmom83 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Torrington

Today, my toddler found my daughter's recorder from third grade and figured out how to play the highest-pitched note. Of course, my daughter pulls out her trombone to have a jam session. And I'm out of Ibuprofen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 618

You deserved it 5 677

By robertsonjimmy - 14/06/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, I let my new puppy outside for the first time. When I went to get him, I saw a man running off with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 639

You deserved it 12 815

By Anonymous - 08/10/2009 03:22 - United States

Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 827

You deserved it 9 089

By cycler - 13/06/2011 04:22 - United States

Today, I ran over a chipmunk. On my bike. Its mangled carcass got caught in the spokes and decided to join me on my ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 987

You deserved it 12 640

By skyphoenix - 12/08/2010 09:03 - United States

Today, I went on a trip with some people from work to watch a baseball game. Halfway through the game, one of my managers shook my hand and said "Nice to Meet You." I've been working there for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 270

You deserved it 4 538

Smurf mouth

By shoeaddiikt - 07/10/2009 07:48 - Australia

Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 262

You deserved it 42 499

By Anonymous - 26/03/2009 14:54 - United States

Today, I texted this girl that I really like. I got a message back saying "Your message to 903-***-**** could not go through due to a disconnection, thanks, Alltel services." I overheard her later at lunch saying she sent the message, and laughed with her friends about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 799

You deserved it 9 985

By Ryan - 11/06/2011 14:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 334

You deserved it 7 484

By ticked - 06/10/2009 13:01 - Pakistan

Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 566

You deserved it 48 011

Movie worthy

By Pirated booty - 11/05/2021 04:01

Today, after I found gold coins a few years ago, nothing newsworthy but enough to pay off my parents' mortgage, some landowning douche, who is already a millionaire, is now claiming the lake where I found the coins is his, and is suing me for the coins' full value. If I lose in court, my parents may have to sell their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 119

By Anonymous - 08/04/2012 18:55 - United States - Perris

Today, I realized the reason my 20-year-old daughter has been so moody and aggressive is because she missed the promotional My Little Pony toys at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 949

You deserved it 5 215

By blondie - 24/03/2009 23:10 - Australia

Today, I was trying to convince my boyfriend that I am NOT a dumb blonde. After screaming at the top of my lungs, I tripped over a bin and hit my head on a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 045

You deserved it 88 107

Snaggletooth

By sara - 30/05/2021 17:01 - Canada

Today, I finally got my health insurance after waiting a few months. Now I have to wait at least 6 months before getting my cracked tooth fixed, thanks to the pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 130

By anniemeece - 07/04/2012 15:15 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to put my bra on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 475

You deserved it 7 774

anniemeece tells us more.

anniemeece 23

Saturday 7 April 2012 23:14

Wow, I can't believe this actually got published! :O Okay, most of the questions are how: it's a sports bra. I hooked it in the back, and as I was adjusting the front so that it, ahem, fully encompassed everything and that the straps weren't twisted, my hand slipped as I was pulling up the front, and with the power of the elastic, hit myself in the mouth. I know, it was pretty silly.

Nice guy

By Catherine - 13/05/2021 11:01

Today, I announced to my boyfriend of 5 years that I was pregnant. He gave me an ultimatum. Either I "get rid of it" because he’s "not ready to be a dad" or he’ll "put me out on the streets." I’m unemployed and have nowhere to go if I keep it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 500

You deserved it 419

Kitchen nightmares

By Anonymous - 12/07/2022 02:00

Today, I walked into the kitchen and found a friend of my sister's stripped down to just her panties changing her clothes. In the kitchen. She had the nerve to call me a peeping Tom and slap me. Why was she even here without my sister, and why couldn’t she use the bathroom to change? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 101

By Bee - 08/06/2011 00:13 - Canada

Today, I was mistaken for a prostitute. Twice. While in my work uniform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 957

You deserved it 8 324

By Anon - 03/10/2009 11:43 - Australia

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I found out he was seeing someone behind my back: my ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 641

You deserved it 5 212

By mj - 05/06/2011 20:20 - United States

Today, my wife announced that she wanted a divorce. She'd actually started dating another man a few months ago, but she wanted to drag our marriage out as long as possible just in case her new relationship fell through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 482

You deserved it 3 384

By baseball25635 - 01/10/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, I was at my son's baseball game when a foul ball came flying toward my brand new car. In an attempt to save my windshield, I dove onto trying to stop the ball only to land on my windshield, crack it and see the ball land safely on the ground next to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 438

You deserved it 40 463

By bruised - 13/03/2013 21:06 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. The movie was in 3D, and he couldn't help but notice it would be much cooler if you could feel what the characters did. He spent the next two hours slapping me every time the person in the movie did, claiming the movie would be "better". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 086

You deserved it 6 325

See ya later

By myhairgetsfrizzywhenwet - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my sister drove past me while I was walking home in the rain. She honked to let me know she was there, and kept on driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 238

You deserved it 3 607

By college kid - 31/07/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, I found out that the day I moved out of my parents' house, they invited my whole family over and had a party to celebrate the fact that I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 265

You deserved it 5 390

It's called a calendar

By Anonymous - 19/05/2021 14:01 - India - Mumbai

Today, it was my first day at my first job, I got up early, got ready, waited an hour for HR to call. I called them instead and they didn't answer, so I wrote an email to the partners. It turns out I got the first day date wrong. Some first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 466

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Kids Pregnancy Family Money Birthday Animals Cats Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Holidays Friends Annoying

The Top

The Top

Today, during my shift as a vet nurse, I picked up a gorgeous cat for cuddles, only to discover it was covered with pee. And now I am too. I still have 4 hours of my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 451

You deserved it 2 502

Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man for almost a year now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 409

You deserved it 3 000

Today, my husband and I went to my overbearing mom's 57th birthday party. He opened his gift in front of her and said smugly, "The makeup's for your face, and the prayer book's for the fat rolls." Any hope of family peace is now lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 345

You deserved it 3 821

Today, I realized that the guy I've been sending anonymous, dirty emails to knows who I am. My signature, which includes my full name, was automatically added to the end of every email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 610

You deserved it 82 860

Today, like every other day, I turn up at work at the security guard's gate to show my ID badge. Except that my brother had stuck a huge "FBI" sticker on it. My co-workers now all call me Mulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 420

You deserved it 3 170

Today, I went on a date with a guy and he kept winking at me. I thought it was really sweet until later that night he told me he had Tourette's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 565

You deserved it 359