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By tyrettes - 11/08/2019 20:00

Today, I started a new yard maintenance job. Before the day had even ended, I got fired, because I apparently didn’t have enough experience, and I moved too slowly. It was supposed to be my training day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 230

By hero to zero - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 161

You deserved it 15 202

By freshman15 - 22/10/2009 18:47 - United States

Today, I told my dad that for Halloween I'm going to be an '80s workout Barbie. He just looks at me and says, "Yeah as the 'before' picture". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 123

You deserved it 8 114

freshman15 tells us more.

freshman15 0

Saturday 24 October 2009 16:25

Ok. I am the OP. I used to 116 lbs and i gained a little weight in college and now I weigh 134lbs. I don't think that is fat and I dont appreciate being called that. But I know by sharing my funny story I run the risk of getting these nasty comments. The nasty comments definitely made my excitement from gettign posted vanished but I will get over it. When my dad said this comment to me I laughed very VERY hard. My dads a funny guy and I didnt take it personally because I love my body and I am comfortable which is all that matters. I posted this story to make other ppl laugh because I think laughter is the best thing in the whole world. I chose this costume because it cost me $10 and i wasnt going to spend $60 smething on something skanky like every other college girl (sorry for those who arent i dont want to generalize). And for the record there is not and never was and spandex involved in the making of this costume. Im wearing an oversized sweater and shorts, tights, legwarmers (etc). Halloween on a budget ppl. So to those who made nice comments, thank you I just wanted everyone to laugh. And to those nasty mean ppl who have nothing better to do than bring ppl down, sorry you think 134lbs is fat and I'm sorry there arent other things that make you laugh besides hurting ppls feelings. Kirstie aka freshman 15

By justine - 11/08/2019 02:00

Today, I finally confronted my daughter about never using air freshener after she poops. She said, "But I thought flushing made the smell go away!" She's 15 and she actually believed this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 383

You deserved it 624

By priceycommute - 19/08/2017 04:33

Today, after rushing to the bus stop and frantically boarding at the last possible second, I realized that I didn't pay my fare with a single, but a twenty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 642

You deserved it 1 066

By Terrance - 15/08/2019 00:01 - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, I tried to point out to a chap in a van waiting at the lights that his tyre was flat, and that the rim had been spitting sparks all the way down the road. I was told in no uncertain terms, “Mind your own bleedin' business!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 587

You deserved it 174

By wrongtarget - 21/10/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I got chewed out at work when my supervisor showed up, because my coworkers told my supervisor they couldn't find me for an hour and a half. Why couldn't they find me? Because they'd left to go get coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 498

You deserved it 2 239

Old prude

By Anonymous - 25/09/2023 22:00

Today, my dumbass self left my DIY dildo on the sink and my mom found it and threw it away. She called me a whore, who'll be "fucking around with a new partner each night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 341

Not the one

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 23:00

Today, the guy who told me he “wasn’t looking for a relationship” started being in a relationship with another girl. I lost my virginity to him and went on a few dates with him. He’s actually confused as to why I’m upset about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 502

By Nice - 01/05/2012 13:58 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I was talking to my co-workers about how I've sadly been an orphan since an early age. One of them exclaimed, "Hey, just like Batman!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 099

You deserved it 5 046

By nolove4me - 29/06/2011 20:41 - United States

Today, I got asked on a date. I was later told we had to cancel. Why? My ex is parked in front of his house and he is afraid to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 875

You deserved it 3 975

By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 02:53 - United States - Dallas

Today, I blacked out at a wedding as a bridesmaid, during the service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 912

You deserved it 4 069

By ugly - 31/08/2010 12:11 - United States

Today, I was taking the subway to school. I was applying some makeup when I noticed a little boy watching me. When I was finished I heard him whisper to his mom, "I thought make up was supposed to make you pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 495

You deserved it 6 762

It wasn't me

By Wanted - 19/08/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - Salford

Today, I got a letter summoning me to court for leaving the scene of a car accident I had in London. I live in Manchester and don't own a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 949

You deserved it 109

Poor old Truffles

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 00:30

Today, my mom grabbed my iPhone and threw it from the balcony, because I didn’t cry on the fifth anniversary of our family dog’s death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 117

No, it's not a cult, not at all

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 05:00 - United States - Seaside

Today, I found out that not only does my sister consider Fox News "reliable" but her husband has been buying Trump merchandise. They owe me $1,900 but they're literally giving a millionaire money instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 453

Ironic, isn't it?

By KC. - 25/04/2012 20:06 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 541

You deserved it 8 750

Typecast

By nerd - 16/10/2009 15:08 - Singapore

Today, I was on cloud nine when the beautiful waitress I frequently ordered takeaways from told me she didn't need to take my name as she remembers me from before. When I got my food, I saw the sales slip. On it she had written, "Cheeseburger - Fries - Coke - Nerdy guy with bad haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 438

You deserved it 5 772

Playing the long game

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 17:01 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, after 9 years of loveless marriage, my wife confided in me that she was always an introvert and depressed person, but pretended to be outgoing and fun loving with me up until our marriage, so she could marry me just to lift herself up from low class to high class society. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 138

By Sad Sally - 24/04/2012 11:22 - United States

Today, a therapist told me that I was too depressed to attend his depression group meetings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 716

You deserved it 2 976

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 13:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 972

You deserved it 140 382

Drunken antics

By DevilsTemptation - 29/08/2019 02:01 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 817

You deserved it 174

Gratitude walks

By Erin - 22/04/2021 23:01 - United States - Pompton Plains

Today, after drawing a huge portrait of a homeless man to raise awareness about homelessness, I showed it to him. When I told him I was glad he liked the drawing, he groped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 267

Time flies

By Anonymous - 06/07/2022 22:00

Today, my husband asked if we could have more sex, because we spend every day together, but if he wanted celibacy, he’d have stayed single and spent time with his friends. He then pulled out a diary proving we’ve only had sex twice this year. I was completely unaware it was so infrequent. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 2 545

By nobodylovesme - 04/04/2013 06:46 - United States - Northridge

Today, it was my wedding day. Three people showed up. My mom, my dad, and the priest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 918

You deserved it 4 944

Just a tad

By concusion - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out the "small termite problem" the inspector told me about wasn't so small when a box from the attic fell through the floor and hit me in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 135

You deserved it 3 351

By stepknee - 14/10/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, we had a fire drill in my dorm, and I live on the 7th floor of my building. They shut the elevators down and I had to walk down 14 flights of steps. I shattered my kneecap last week. They turned the alarm off when I got to the first floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 622

You deserved it 2 180

By MilleeMacabre - 02/04/2013 18:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to my husband taking a piss on our bedroom floor. I screamed that he wasn't in the bathroom, to which he responded, "Shut up! I'm taking a piss, let me finish!" He has no recollection of the event. Now I have to clean up his piss and rewash my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 423

You deserved it 4 163

MilleeMacabre tells us more.

MilleeMacabre 8

Wednesday 3 April 2013 16:12

Yes. He was drunk. That's my husband for ya.

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 20:33 - Canada

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant. He laughed and said, “April Fools, right?” then left the room, still laughing like it was the dumbest thing ever. Tomorrow's April Fools day. I really am pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 626

You deserved it 4 306

By amazed - 18/04/2012 23:08 - United States - Frisco

Today, some Juggalos mocked me for the way I was dressed. Juggalos giving sartorial advice, really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 395

You deserved it 3 866

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I wanted to kayak. On the way, I told him I had to go back to our hotel because I needed the bathroom and didn't want a public one to smell. Once back in the elevator at the hotel, it got stuck. For an hour. I pooped myself and had to wait 40 minutes after that for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 440

You deserved it 2 509

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. I quickly found out that I'd accidentally sent it to my sister instead. She sent me one back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 834

You deserved it 29 393

Today, it was our class field trip. I got five dollars from ten different people because they wanted me to sit away from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 479

You deserved it 5 025

Today, a friend of mine asked me to take him to a city about an hour away to pick up his firefighter uniforms. When we arrived, he was told that his uniforms had been shipped to the station he works at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 573

You deserved it 434

Today, I’ve been unemployed for 5 months. My last job was for government in Canada and I was harassed by management, and deemed a threat to the building. Why? Someone complained I cough. I’ve been coughing for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 116

Today, my mother told me that I "should have never had children" after I sided with my son when he yelled at her for talking too loudly. I have hyperacusis, and my son has sensory deprivation disorder. My mom knows this, and blames it on her friends who are hard of hearing. Nothing is ever her fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 169