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By electricpuddle - 25/04/2011 01:11

Today, while letting horses out to switch pasture, one ran at me, sending me through the electric fence and into a mud puddle. Wrapped in electric fence, I sat in that electric mud puddle, screaming every time it shocked me. Help arrived, once they'd had a good long laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 849

You deserved it 4 039

Awkward

By ChickenBallsPlease - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - King's Lynn

Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 813

You deserved it 16 901

By j_Lauren - 28/01/2013 04:48 - United States

Today, my mom had the option of choosing anywhere in the world where we could go on vacation. We live in the USA and she chose to fly to Texas, rent an RV, and drive to Florida. Anywhere in the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 623

You deserved it 3 331

By Anonymous - 26/01/2014 00:33 - United States - Durham

Today, I told my friend I would pay him to ask out the ugliest girl he knew. He asked out my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 951

You deserved it 53 003

By Anonymous - 26/01/2013 22:20 - Denmark - Fredericia

Today, my husband quit his stable job of 12 years at the bank to pursue a career selling kites. If we don't end up homeless because of this, god knows we will when he has a real mid-life crisis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 557

You deserved it 3 690

By snowinggrey - 19/02/2012 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to choir rehearsal at 7:30 in the morning. When the guy I have a major crush on stood next to me, I got really excited, so I tried to sound good. After the song ended, he asked me if I wanted some gum to cover up my morning breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 832

You deserved it 11 859

By joeshmoe - 05/09/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, my 26th birthday party got busted by my parents due to them coming home early because of a flight cancellation. Everyone had to leave, but not before my mother made me go to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 239

You deserved it 49 701

That ain't it

By Anonymous - 06/10/2022 13:30

Today, my tampon leaked right before I had to go to court. I'm the plaintiff and I work for my city, and blood stains isn't a good look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 153

By HereWeGoAgain - 24/01/2013 07:19 - United States

Today, my mom went to court to finalize her divorce. I would have felt sorry for her, had this not been her 7th husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 988

You deserved it 3 077

Puppet show

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my sister had a friend over and I had just gotten out of the shower. I wrapped something around me and walked across the living room. When I walked through, they both started laughing hysterically. Turns out I'd grabbed a poncho and the hole for the head ended up right over my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 466

You deserved it 42 265

Spinning out and miserable

By picklemonger - 08/03/2020 16:00 - Canada

Today, for the first time ever, I had a bout of vertigo in the middle of a mall. It went so very nicely with my crushing loneliness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 352

You deserved it 159

Words which could only be your own

By kickout - 11/07/2021 19:59

Today, after I'd being sick all day, my boyfriend volunteered to do my very long sociology paper. I was later notified by my professor that the paper I'd submitted was completely plagiarized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 2 237

By arsenalfcboy - 20/01/2014 09:31 - United Kingdom - York

Today, I noticed that the condom in my wallet has been there so long it's left a mark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 390

You deserved it 14 031

arsenalfcboy tells us more.

arsenalfcboy 6

Tuesday 21 January 2014 0:48

I'm a uni student so believe me, I go out plenty. Still no luck.

By Anonymous - 18/01/2014 06:29 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 116

You deserved it 10 278

Locked out

By blank - 21/01/2013 21:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left for basic training. I went to say goodbye to her at the airport. Only after I walked back to my car did I realize that she still had the keys. My extra set was back at the house, locked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 569

You deserved it 6 405

I'm Jim Morrison, I'm Dead

By lizardhater - 12/03/2020 22:09 - Singapore

Today, a lizard got caught in some loose duct tape in my office. A perk of working alone, I get to clean up. Lizards scare the Bejeezus out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 202

You deserved it 280

By Anonymous - 19/01/2013 00:26 - Iceland

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 454

You deserved it 15 615

By disturbed - 17/03/2010 01:34 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when I heard a loud splashing noise to my right. I looked over only to see a woman not squatting but bending over, spreading her cheeks, peeing a horse-sized amount of pee. I can't un-see this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 447

You deserved it 3 361

Taxi Girl

By Anonymous - 03/10/2022 13:30

Today, I became one of those women who gave birth in a taxi. I used to laugh at those stories, because I couldn’t believe they would be so unprepared that they couldn’t get to the hospital first. Oh and I had to get a taxi because my husband had been watching football and was too drunk to drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 360

By EmberLove - 17/01/2013 14:06 - United States

Today, my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend got into a fight about when my birthday is. They were both wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 452

You deserved it 5 646

By Anonymous - 09/01/2014 19:02 - United States - Converse

Today, like every day since my wife was prescribed antibiotics for an infection, I had to hide one of the pills inside her food, because she'd apparently rather fall seriously ill than swallow them like an adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 810

You deserved it 4 543

By Shamdog48 - 11/04/2011 15:08 - United States

Today, I went to work at a chemotherapy clinic. After explaining to a patient about the risks and benefits of chemotherapy for his underlying metastatic lung cancer, he asks is it OK to smoke during chemotherapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 882

You deserved it 3 749

By Z - 09/04/2011 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 477

You deserved it 3 041

Revenge is sweet yogurt

By Doomed - 24/07/2021 14:02 - United States

Today, my coworker made up a story about me “sexually harassing” her and filed a complaint to my boss. All because I took the last plastic spoon from the breakroom, and she couldn’t eat her yogurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 99

Didn't see ya there

By stillhurting - 05/01/2014 21:45 - Canada - Langley

Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 780

You deserved it 7 572

By blinkme - 28/08/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I was at a concert and the guy who was selling the drinks tripped and fell down the stairs, landing on the floor next to me and the drinks went all over. I went to make sure he was okay and helped pick up the drinks. After assuring me he was okay, he gave me a free soda. It exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 722

You deserved it 13 816

By catlady5569 - 27/08/2009 08:13 - United States

Today, my sister came over for a visit. I was going to surprise her with the news that I had spontaneously gotten a cat. The first thing she told me when she came in was that she ran over my neighbor's cat. None of my neighbors have cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 186

You deserved it 4 392

Intro

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 04:01 - United States

Today, I previewed the website my twin brother created and emailed to all our wedding guests. Under his bridal party introduction, he had written, "Mike and Steve first met when they were high-fiving their way out of their mother's vagina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 210

By theycallmekitty - 11/01/2013 00:02 - United States - Decatur

Today, I've been struggling with my English paper for the past hour, because I can't concentrate. This is because my mom is in the room next to me, singing to her pet rat about what a cute little boy he is, in between yelling at him to stop "molesting" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 343

You deserved it 3 027

theycallmekitty tells us more.

theycallmekitty 13

Friday 11 January 2013 3:19

He's not a mouse...he's a rat. There's a big difference. Also, don't feel bad for him, he is definitely a mommas boy....

Mom of the year

By Bianca - 19/02/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my car’s at the mechanic's so I called my mom and asked her to come pick me up from class, since it ends at 9pm and I was scared to walk home at night. She told me, “Oh honey, you have nothing to worry about, you’re too fat to get raped, plus you need the exercise.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 212

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 318

You deserved it 5 035

Today, while at work, I went to unlock the washroom for a customer. Normally we don't allow customers to use the staff washrooms, so I was as surprised as the guy I found sitting on the toilet when I opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 254

You deserved it 4 162

Today, I got so drunk I called my ex-boyfriend and confessed my love to him. All in front of my current boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 656

You deserved it 76 633

Today, I noticed that the floor outside our bathroom was covered in toenail clippings. I asked my husband what had happened. Turns out, he saves time by clipping his nails onto the floor and then sweeping them out into the hall, where they get lodged in the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 877

You deserved it 469

Today, my partner was driving. We were coming up to a sharp bend up a hill when suddenly a girl and a boy came speeding down the hill on a scooter. My partner stopped well before, but they fell off the kerb. We got out to check they were OK. The girl blamed us and kicked me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 105

Today, I was practicing a presentation while walking around my apartment. I didn’t realize my neighbor was standing outside my door, listening. When I opened it, he said, “Strong opening, but you lost confidence halfway.” I didn’t ask for notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 135