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Fiancé of the year

By Anonymous - 13/09/2020 17:01 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I found out that my fiancé of three years, with whom I share a child, fell in love with my best friend and they’ve been going on dates for the last four months after work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 152

Short truce

By Anonymous - 26/02/2023 22:00

Today, it's been a week since my girlfriend has been mad at me but still won’t tell me why. Then she came on to me all sexy like, so I thought all was forgiven. Nope, she was just horny. Once she got her orgasm, she left me blue-balled, went right back to being mad at me, and still won’t explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 362

Mommy issues

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 20:01

Today, my mother is such a nosy, intruding busybody, she has driven away my last three boyfriends who could no longer stand her. My latest fella had even proposed, but he asked for the ring back and you can bet he blamed my mother for repeatedly involving herself in our private business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 310

You deserved it 497

You've been framed

By Anonymous - 07/03/2023 15:00

Today, I was rejected from my dream job because my interviewer googled me and one of the images that comes up is a pic of me sunbathing nude in my own private garden. That pic isn’t one I took, it isn’t on my Facebook or anything, I have no f**king idea where it came from or who photographed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 188

Out of it

By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 05:01

Today, I'm sick with a fever, and on my cycle I was too tired and forgot to change my tampon, and ended up putting another one in. I woke up to go to the bathroom and ended up pulling two out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 376

Some people just never learn

By WhatJustHappened - 09/10/2020 20:02 - United States

Today, as a millennial, I had to explain to a baby boomer why he needs to use condoms when having sex with his 25-year-old girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 331

You deserved it 227

Sounds like a keeper

By Rae - 30/03/2023 10:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed really nice. However, halfway through the date, he started talking about how he was a flat-earther, and believed that the moon landing was faked. Oh, and that birds aren't real. I had to endure another hour of his conspiracy theories before I could finally escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 151

Sussy baka

By Anonymous - 24/01/2022 04:59

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I get along with her mother just fine. Apparently, it’s not natural for a son-in-law and mother-in-law to get along this well, we should hate each other on principle, so liking each other just fine is somehow majorly suspicious and she can’t trust me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 493

You deserved it 125

Used

By used - 02/11/2020 20:08 - Japan - Kobe

Today, I noticed that my girlfriend only texts me when she needs help with her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 148

MILF

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 08:03

Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 624

I now pronounce you…

By Anonymous - 28/04/2023 10:00

Today, while registering to get married, my fiancé and I discovered that we’re already married and have been since our first foreign holiday together, to Vegas, when we got very drunk. Elvis was there. See where I’m going with this? Our parents are furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 1 065

By KaD - 27/03/2019 14:00 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I was happy about finally having the time to pot up the $50 worth of Reblooming Irises I bought… until I went into the garage and couldn't find them. My husband had cleaned up and threw them in the garbage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 017

You deserved it 294

Strong Kurt Cobain vibes

By Anonymous - 01/06/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I've done everything I wanted to do in life. I'm currently 27. Bored out of my fucking mind. Just call me bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 798

By Anonymous - 18/04/2019 00:00

Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 052

You deserved it 300

By Ages ago - 08/05/2019 10:00 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, two guys robbed me. As I wrestled them on the ground, my best friend just stood next to all this, telling me to give them the money already, or we'd be late for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 998

You deserved it 251

Not funny

By Not laughing - 24/06/2023 22:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I had to, again, explain to my girlfriend that her jokes about her cheating on me are not funny in any form. Not just because of the topic, but also that she actually has cheated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 548

Sweet!

By Linda - 21/01/2021 17:02

Today, I learned a hard lesson: when you order 12 artificial sweeteners and 6 packets of raw sugar with your home-delivered Starbucks coffee so that you can have a small hoard to sweeten up the coffee you already have at home, they just may put all 18 items in the cup and stir it up to your apparent liking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 2 171

Dealbreaker

By banarama - 05/02/2021 07:54

Today, I found out that the person I'm seeing is a terrible kisser. I really like them, but it's awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 214

Where there's a will…

By Anonymous - 09/02/2021 05:01

Today, as a final effort to get me to lose weight, my recently deceased father left me $25,000 on his will, which is only to be released to me once I weigh 150 pounds. No exceptions. I'm about to lose my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 543

Rock n roll

By notanybetter - 08/06/2019 02:00

Today, the drummer from my favorite band threw a drumstick into the crowd during a concert. It hit me on the head and bounced into my friend's hands. She left with a drumstick from a band she didn't want to see in the first place. I left with a bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662

You deserved it 178

Call the police!

By Anonymous - 13/08/2023 10:00

Today, and for the past two months, I've been raising a baby goat, whose mother rejected her. I went to visit my mom, and brought my goat with me, as my mom lives on 14 acres of farmland. I went to make her bottle for dinner, and when I came back outside, my mom's truck and my goat were gone. She won't say who she gave her away to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 143

That was quick

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 02:00

Today, it's only been a week since I've been in my new apartment with my boyfriend, and I already caught him cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 356

You deserved it 222

By Liz - 08/07/2019 00:00

Today, I woke up, and I could see perfectly. Somehow, during the night, my eyes magically became 20/20. I was overjoyed, until I realized I'd fallen asleep with my glasses on. My eyes are still trash, and I want to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 603

Classic

By Anonymous - 12/03/2021 00:30 - United States - Enterprise

Today, I ordered a large stuffed crust supreme pizza for myself. When I picked it up, I asked for extra plates and napkins so the cashier wouldn't know I don't have any friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 585

Freudian slip

By Anonymous - 20/03/2021 08:01 - United States - Trenton

Today, while spacing out about my hot male boss, he called my name for something and I replied, "Yes Daddy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 1 448

Little shit

By NoPocketforme - 04/04/2021 00:30

Today, I ate the last Hot Pocket in the house. My little brother threw a temper tantrum and poured a bucket of water all over my desk and Macbook. My mom’s response? “Aw he’s just a little boy.” My brother is 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 126

Let me go!

By ForeSight - 14/08/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend wanted to play a game call "bondage bingo," taking turns tying each other up in different positions, and if we can’t escape, we get to take a picture. Whoever gets the most pictures wins. After tying me to a chair, she ended up leaving me there for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 144

You deserved it 640

Disappearing act

By BrokeAfnow - 02/05/2021 02:01

Today, it was my son’s birthday. I took him out to a eat and wanted to surprise him with a new iPhone. I handed the waitress the iPhone and asked her to bring it out with the cake I brought. The cake comes out, without the iPhone. The waitress said she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 1 366

Woof! I do not consent!

By Horny and Unamused - 25/05/2021 11:00

Today, at my wit's end, I had to have a conversation with my dog's trainer. During the pandemic, my otherwise housebroken dog began to pee in my bathroom whenever my boyfriend and I have sex. Our sex life is suffering and we went from 2-3 times a week to 8 times in the last year… with 8 matching piss puddles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 225

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 340

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The Top

Today, my brothers thought it would be funny to put me inside a huge luggage bag we got for a trip to Canada. It was all fun and games until they dragged me outside, kicked me down a few steps, and left me stuck in the bag, locked outside with the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 893

You deserved it 1 656

Today, my girlfriend of two months and I are in completely different points in our lives. She ambushed me with ideas of having kids, getting married and being together forever. Currently, my biggest concern is passing the tenth grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 315

You deserved it 2 760

Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 800

You deserved it 4 437

Today, I cried harder than I have in years. I was babysitting, and watching Pokémon to pass the time. It was the episode where Ash, Dawn, and Brock on the show went their separate ways, and may never be together again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 914

You deserved it 37 504

Today, I decided to play hooky to go buy new toys from the sex store to spice things up for my girlfriend and me. Well, things got awkward when my boss was also playing hooky and in the same sex store after I'd told him I was out for a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 542

Today, my wife agreed to live out my cuckold fantasy. I was watching her bang some guy from Tinder when my stomach suddenly turned and I realized I wasn't enjoying this as much as I hoped. I asked them to stop. They laughed and continued. I'm puking in the toilet and I can still hear them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 788