The Top

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Live through this

By Artist man - 08/01/2021 08:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend walked out on me because she realised she doesn’t love me enough to go through a second lockdown with me and our 2-year-old daughter FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 120

Old faithful

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 02:00

Today, my daughter flew completely off the handle when she found out I have a girlfriend, and called me an unfaithful sinning bastard, who’s going to hell for cheating on her mother. Her mother's been dead for 20 years and this is the first time I’ve met a woman since then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 255

You deserved it 130

By Anonymous - 11/04/2017 00:00 - Australia - Camberwell

Today, the framed memorabilia that I spent $195 on last week came crashing to the floor. It was on my wall for less than 2 hours. The picture is torn and the glass is shattered, but at least the frame is alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 960

You deserved it 613

By KeepOnTruckin' - 18/05/2019 17:50

Today, I had to help my best friend plan his upcoming date with the girl he doesn't know I'm secretly in love with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 949

You deserved it 599

Rules and regulations

By Anonymous - 29/03/2022 04:00

Today, I moved into a new home with a HOA, and on the first night I received a copy of the HOA rules as thick as a phone book. I already regret moving here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 455

By TheStroker - 01/06/2019 06:03

Today, I was cleaning off a carrot by rubbing it up and down under the tap over the sink. My 13-year-old son comes in and says, "Mom, you could get a job doing that." I told him that a carrot cleaner wouldn't make much money. He says, "I wasn't talking about carrots." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 727

You deserved it 358

By Anonymous - 05/06/2019 00:01

Today, my 5-year-old figured out that if he has a mouthful of milk and he blows really hard, he can blow the milk out of his nose like twin fire hoses. I’ve washed the carpet twice in the past day, and my house still stinks of rotten dairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 243

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 17:01 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my father-in-law decided to disown myself and his son, because my husband decided to hyphenate his last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 291

Check this out!

By What an ass - 23/02/2021 20:01 - Australia

Today, while using my phone camera as a mirror, I managed to broadcast a Facebook Live video of myself applying haemorrhoid cream to my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 1 283

Dude!

By Alex - 29/05/2017 16:00

Today, my brother, instead of filming me during my very first musical presentation in New York, took 45 pictures of the sexy trumpeter that was two rows behind me. With MY camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 093

You deserved it 427

Vultures circling overhead

By Anonymous - 07/08/2023 16:00

Today, I inherited several buttloads of money from my grandmother, including property, and by gosh did so many relatives appear from the woodwork to remind me of money granny owed them, or how they just needed an investment to kickstart their business venture. The whole lot of them can screw off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 250

You deserved it 150

Hobbies

By Stinkycar - 05/06/2017 12:00

Today, it was an unusually hot day and I saw one of my friends walking down the street carrying a large bag. I stopped and asked if he needed a ride. When he got in, I noticed a horrible stench. He then told me he'd just been dumpster diving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 692

You deserved it 548

Waste of time

By wasteoftime - 07/06/2017 20:00

Today, I went to a job interview. I never applied for the job, they'd sought me out, had a phone interview, and sent samples, all before the face-to-face interview. Turns out none of the people I met with had even read my resume or writing samples. I was told I might not be a good fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 351

You deserved it 306

By fishy situation - 13/06/2017 04:00

Today, my friend is furious with me because while I was watching her various fish for two weeks, I failed to feed her favorite fish and it died. The reason I didn't take care of it was because she never told me she had it, that it was in her room unlike the rest of the fish, so I never saw it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 105

You deserved it 409

Assumptions part 27674

By dads can’t cook? - 17/03/2021 21:30

Today, I was messaging a new friend when she mentioned her dad was cooking dinner that night. I jokingly texted, “Oh no! I’m sorry!” Turns out her dad is a professional chef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 1 237

Golden child

By ohhaithur - 26/07/2019 02:00

Today, my mom accused me of stealing $350 from her. She didn't accuse my unemployed brother, who just bought a brand new iPhone. Even after he confessed to her, she thought he was covering for me. My brother has a criminal record for theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 855

You deserved it 127

By amore89 - 28/07/2019 12:00

Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 917

You deserved it 247

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 07:59

Today, I found out that they won't hold my stimulus for child support, only to find out that they withheld it to give it to me when I file my taxes. Which child support will take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 1 905

Alexa, play "Let Me Down Gently" by Spacemen 3

By Heal my butt smh - 25/09/2023 00:02 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I’ve been waiting for the girl I love to break up with her boyfriend so I could ask her out. It finally happened; however she said she wanted time to heal before she started getting involved with guys again. I respected that decision. There’s just one problem. I saw her in town, hand in hand with another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 1 042

Lav agent

By Anonymous - 02/07/2022 18:00

Today, I was assigned to empty the lavatory tank on an airplane. I haven't done this since February, when the contents ended up all over me. I thought to myself, "It can't happen again, can it?" I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 221

Nervous

By MondayonaTuesday - 15/09/2017 20:00

Today, while rushing to a big marketing presentation, I started feeling ill in my car. I was stuck in traffic, and before I could get my window open I threw up all over my suit. All I had were some tissues to try to clean the mess before presenting to a full boardroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 625

You deserved it 333

The struggle is real

By Anonymous - 06/07/2022 02:00

Today, after my girlfriend of a year got accidentally pregnant, we were discussing it, and she only just now revealed she thinks vaccines are an evil conspiracy between hospitals and drug companies, and she’s carrying my baby. The next 18 years with this mad woman are not going to go well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 721

No kinkshaming here

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 11:00

Today, my hotel room key wouldn't open my door. Maintenance had to come let me in. My giant dildo was out on the table. I'm a 250-pound man, traveling alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 1 434

MAI WAIF

By Anonymous - 13/07/2022 18:00

Today, I got a secondhand message from my mother to not jerk off so much. I know it’s secondhand because my wife says the same thing. They’re in cahoots and lie to one another: mom just wants grandkids, and my wife doesn’t want a smile on my face she didn’t put there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 540

Not worth it

By Reebee - 27/09/2017 01:30

Today, I got off late from my bartending job, which is close to my house, but my boyfriend begged me to come to his place half an hour away. I decided the sex would be worth the drive. He was sound asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 387

You deserved it 566

The one that got away

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 18:00 - United States

Today, the only person who remembered my birthday was my stalker ex. He left condoms, birth control, furry handcuffs, and a lingerie set in my mailbox, with a note saying to prepare for our anniversary. We went out for a week. In sixth grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 206

You deserved it 166

Thievery Ltd.

By Anonymous - 05/10/2019 16:00

Today, I saw a neglected potted palm tree on the front porch of what I thought was an empty house down the street from me. I took it home to nurse it back to health. When I got home from work, it was gone. Later, when taking a walk, I spotted the palm, right back on the porch I'd taken it from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 2 669

Mess incoming

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 16:00

Today, my apartment management notified me that my water was going to be shut off all day so they could fix the plumbing. I took a laxative last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 180

This is America

By ChiefKoala - 20/10/2019 22:00

Today, it will be the third time since moving to this area that I will have to call out of work because of gunshots heard nearby, police looking for someone and advising us to stay indoors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 675

You deserved it 236

The Baby-Sitters Club

By Do I look like a fucking babysitter? - 22/08/2022 00:00

Today, my parents, my two sisters and their significant others went on a vacation and dropped their children at my house without ever asking me. I'm single, live alone, and can barely make ends meet, and they know it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 135

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The Top

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 973

You deserved it 4 052

Today, I spent two hours driving all over town looking for a store that sold pumpkins. When I finally found some, I was charged ten dollars per pumpkin. Later, I went to my town's annual Halloween festival and discovered they were giving pumpkins away for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 113

You deserved it 9 166

Today, my ex, whom I haven't seen in two years, contacted me. She was great company back in the day, wild in bed, the most attractive person I've ever dated, and totally uninterested in a serious relationship. She wants me to fix her computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 780

You deserved it 5 001

Today, I bought a car off my aunt, then I got 7 speeding tickets. Apparently my aunt forgot to tell me the speedometer is faulty, so while I thought I was doing a safe 28 or 29 mph in the 30 zone on my way to work, I was probably doing closer to 35 or 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 616

You deserved it 443

Today, I want to share my weightloss success but I have no one to celebrate with. My husband says, "It's because you have so much to lose" and my friends all have too much going on to take notice. Celebrating in silence that I'm in the 150's. Healthy feels isolating and lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 161

Today, my girlfriend left to visit her mom for the first time since Covid. I'm happy for her, the problem is I've lost a lot of weight and put on muscle since Covid, so she's terrified I'll cheat on her while she's gone, and demanded I install Net Nanny on my phone. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 390