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aleithiera

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Portland, USA
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Monday 01 May 1989

Aleithiera

I live in Portlandia, which makes me a weirdo. I am a fully licensed cosmetologist and love my job. Put a bird on it.

Aleithiera -

Aleithiera -

Aleithiera

lovers5201

SugarCandy...

BettyTimmo...

Echo 8802

Chibster

beeferjay

AZTEC_WARR...

Eyeslick

MrPigg

cokeman666

jmx14

Andicc

Echo 8802

beeferjay

Aleithiera

Aleithiera

Fart are funny, period

amg85904 - 30/01/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

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Dad jokes

Anonymous - 10/10/2011 22:26 - United States

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said, "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

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Quiet

Anonymous - 07/08/2011 01:40 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year-old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

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Make your mind up

FML! - 07/08/2011 00:27 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

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The prequels were great, actually

techiefIve - - United States

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

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