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I'm the OP. Thankfully my wife has a good sense of humor. We eventually found out some of our friends did this as a joke. :). Time to pay the prank forward. The comments are hilarious, BTW.

Stuck

By Forgetfull - 02/02/2010 17:07 - United States

Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 752

You deserved it 26 640

By AV - 30/01/2016 10:30 - Bulgaria - Tsaratsovo

Today, a car backfired as I waited for my bus and I screamed, thinking I'd been shot. The only thing more humiliating than that was the pissy underwear I had to go back home to change out of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 112

You deserved it 6 042

By graciegold95 - 06/12/2014 16:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my daughter decided it'd be funny to change the time on my clock. My boss didn't think it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 914

You deserved it 2 950

By stupid_world - 24/12/2009 06:02 - Canada

Today, I learned that while anybody can call me a bitch, my husband got mad at his aunt for calling our dog a mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 770

You deserved it 3 745

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother found out that I'm three months pregnant. She told my boyfriend to put it up for adoption, and now wants a paternity test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 871

You deserved it 5 606

Yeetus

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a minor cold, and left with a diagnosis of pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 854

You deserved it 15 621

Breaking news

By I Know How to Pick'em - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Beaverton

Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 884

You deserved it 2 692

By urinanalysis - 03/12/2009 16:08 - Canada

Today, I went to get blood and urine tests done before work. As I was attempting to aim into the cup, I lost balance and slipped. I ended up peeing on my sleeves and my pants. I was late for work and I smelled like pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 387

You deserved it 7 314

Ban that "rule"!

By PeeFlavouredFloss - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 909

You deserved it 3 256

Welcome home!

By Anonymous - 25/08/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my parents on their first day back from New York with candles I made. I used actual lavender flecks from our garden for the scent in the candles. My plan worked, until the lavender caught on fire, which then spread to all of our mail and newspapers. Welcome home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 260

You deserved it 11 745

By annoyed - 10/02/2009 03:59 - United States

Today, I got a ticket. From my dad the cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 719

You deserved it 18 379

By atleastmybreathisfresh - 28/02/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I was running late for work and realized I forgot to pay a bill. I turned on my computer to pay the bill and brushed my teeth while it set up. I had a mouth full of mouthwash and decided to pay the bill before I spit. Then, I sneezed mouthwash all over my laptop keyboard and screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 440

You deserved it 28 788

keighty tells us more.

keighty 0

Monday 1 March 2010 3:35

This is my post. I agree with most of you. Total dumbass thing. I admit it. It didn't ruin my computer, just made my keys sticky for awhile and there are permanent smear marks on my screen. I did turn my head, ended up sneezing into my arm but it splashed down onto my computer. There just wasn't enough space to explain it. I decided to pay it before i spit cause i was trying to save time and only had to press a couple of buttons. Made sense at the time. Seemed like a waste to just stand there for 30 seconds and do nothing. Lesson learned. I had to pay it before I left for work because it was due that day by 3 and by the time i got home it would have been too late. Carry on the mocking :)

By Anonymous - 03/01/2015 21:16 - United States - Newark

Today, as I left the supermarket, I found someone had hit my car in the parking lot. There was a note tucked under the wipers. Insurance details? Nope. It just said "Sorry dude. I fucked up. Good luck with the car." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 105

You deserved it 2 286

Or he's a drug mule?

By jlujan00 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I cleaned up the dog poop from around the back yard. This is how I discovered that my dog's favorite snack appears to be used condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 519

You deserved it 3 066

By unlucky - 03/09/2014 17:40 - United States - Cold Spring

Today, I was working at the daycare. As I left with my boyfriend, a kid came up to us and said that my boyfriend could do way better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 783

You deserved it 3 931

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 12:29 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I finally found out why my new co-worker has been shooting me dirty looks, being rude to me, and generally trying to avoid me. It's because I have blonde hair and blue eyes, and she thinks people like me are Nazis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 002

You deserved it 1 743

By Its My BDay I Can Cry If I Want To - 10/08/2016 16:51 - United States - Ephrata

Today, all of my friends bailed from the birthday party I was throwing myself. This was also after they had encouraged me for months to have one, knowing I'd never had my birthday celebrated before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 548

You deserved it 867

By xnj319 - 12/03/2009 14:29 - Canada

Today, I was woken up by the sound of power tools at 6:30am. I stuck my head out my window and yelled at them to shut up. They didn't stop. I walked out the front door to find the bastard. It was firemen. They were sawing down the door of my neighbour's burning house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 081

You deserved it 73 878

xnj319 tells us more.

xnj319 2

Thursday 12 March 2009 20:45

There aren't enough words allotted to tell a complete story... My sinuses are ****** in the morning, I can't smell anything until I go blow my nose. It was the neighbour's house across the street, which I can't see from my bedroom. And no, I heard no sirens. I live in a bad neighbourhood and have gotten used to sirens all night long, to the point where they no longer wake me.

By Desiree_lianne - 26/03/2016 21:02 - United States

Today, my fiance said his cat is going to be my maid of honor at our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 028

You deserved it 2 975

By musamalia - 06/01/2009 11:58 - France

Today, a very pretty girl came up to me and asked me for my phone number. Very pleased, I give it to her with a huge smile and tell her that I can be reached at any time. I then watch her go back to her group of friends. My number was for her gay friend, who then meekly waved at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 001

You deserved it 3 494

By Kelly1995 - 21/03/2016 20:20 - United States - Pompey

Today, I was in the gym waiting for my boyfriend while he played racquetball. I had to listen to old men talk about their prostates for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 500

You deserved it 2 954

Kelly1995_fml tells us more.

Kelly1995_fml 8

Thursday 24 March 2016 2:19

Just for everyone's information I couldn't go outside because it was too cold It was hard not to hear them when they were very loud old men It didn't disgust me because it's the human body but I more of had to try not to laugh listening to them all causally talk about their prostates and comparing them like they were toys So please stop being butt hurt about this I made this FML to share a funny experience at the gym. Thanks :)

By singleasapringle - 13/03/2016 06:41 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I went back to my high school for an event with some of my friends, both of which are in relationships. Whilst there we saw our favorite teacher, who hugged us and said, "I heard you have a boyfriend! And so do you!" And then she turned to me and said, "And... And you're doing great things!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 974

You deserved it 1 858

By riyaap13 - 23/02/2016 20:30 - United States - Gadsden

Today, while I was shopping, a girl walked past me and said, "Hola!" I'm Indian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 855

You deserved it 3 239

riyaap13 tells us more.

riyaap13 17

Thursday 25 February 2016 18:55

Hey everyone, OP here! I just wanted to take this opportunity to explain a few things: 1) I am a female (not that it matters), and I am "India Indian" haha. 2) The reason why I was so offended by it was because she said it in almost a mocking tone. I also didn't like that she took one look at me and assumed that I was Mexican (not that there's anything wrong with being Mexican). I just don't believe in classifying people by how they look and automatically assuming they're a part of a certain ethnicity. 3) I have been taking Spanish for 3-4 years, so I can speak Spanish quite well. And I'm also so glad this got posted :)