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By Anonymous - 16/08/2014 04:30 - United States - Olney

Today, my car got towed. My money is in my car and they won't let me open my car to get money until my car is "released". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 257

You deserved it 5 238

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 396

You deserved it 66 491

By annoyed - 23/09/2010 09:59 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' place to visit. My ex-boyfriend's photo is on the fridge, but there aren't any photos of my husband or any of our wedding photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 387

You deserved it 2 997

By BabsZilla - 05/09/2016 00:21 - United States - King City

Today, my housemate and I had rough passionate sex in every room of the house. Being that I'm 18 and he's 32, it was a new thing for me. I just received a call from my mother stating that they would not be paying for the baby they watched us make through their wireless cams in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 408

You deserved it 5 306

BabsZilla tells us more.

BabsZilla 6

Tuesday 20 September 2016 8:38

OP Here. To answer some questions and lay down some facts. My housemate and I lived with my parents for a long time until I turned 18, then we had a house all lined up, and we moved out together about 15 minutes away. Not far, I am still in High School, and I wanted to remain close to my parents. I am of legal age here in Cali, and we are "careful" (Meaning we have safe sex with the pull-out method and birth control) My parents came into our house with the spare key I gave my mother for EMERGENCIES and planted 28 nanny-cams EVERYWHERE! We had to go through every piece of furniture and decor that we have to find them all. She called me literally 5 minutes after we finished having our "fun" to tell me she was watching me. I love my mum, but if this was to "protect" me, that's taking it too far. Thanks for commenting. Needless to say, we only have sex in the bedroom now...

Baller move

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Tucson

Today, I got laid off. Walking out of the building, I saw someone on crutches and thought, "Hey, at least I can still walk." Two hours later, I blew out my knee playing basketball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 522

You deserved it 8 315

Gone bird

By Whoops - 06/06/2011 01:44 - United States

Today, while driving with my three year-old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 756

You deserved it 4 536

By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 04:09

Today, I walked in on my son flopping around on the floor with a blanket wrapped around his legs. Apparently at age 22, he'd rather pretend to be a mermaid than go out and get a damn job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 888

You deserved it 2 470

By Anonymous - 01/06/2010 16:43 - United States

Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 977

You deserved it 4 507

Pragmatic

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 14:05 - South Africa

Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 007

You deserved it 4 974

By fml - 21/02/2015 02:54 - United States - Denver

Today, three days after finally having a bed to sleep on, I woke up with multiple bedbug bites. I can't use my blankets, wear any of my clothes and it's back to sleeping on the floor for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 405

You deserved it 2 634

By Xandriajoy10 - 08/03/2016 11:56 - Australia

Today, a fly flew into my ear canal and got stuck. It was the most horrifying two minutes of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 642

You deserved it 1 581

You dipstick!

By mah - 16/01/2010 02:25 - United States

Today, while getting gas, a hottie pulled-up to the pump next to me. I finished filling my tank and started to drive away. As I was checking her out and paying no attention to my driving, I ended up taking the front bumper off her car with my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 060

You deserved it 40 491

By embarrassedmom - 31/08/2013 23:48 - United States

Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 361

You deserved it 4 240

By whattheactualfuck - 22/01/2016 12:50 - South Africa - Durban

Today, my new girlfriend's father made good on his "What you do to her I do to you" threat when he took me out for drinks and then drunkenly hit on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 870

You deserved it 3 412

By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 05:10 - Indonesia

Today, I found out my daughter has a higher paid job in the same company I work in. I also found out she is dating my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 019

You deserved it 3 464

By Serum - 05/08/2013 16:41 - United States - Wichita

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 707

You deserved it 5 549

Archaeology

By Ugh - 20/09/2011 10:07 - United States

Today, I discovered that the ancient looking coin I dug up in my front yard is worth hundreds of dollars. Too bad I found that coin when I was eight years-old, and have since misplaced it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 352

You deserved it 6 796

By Anonymous - 12/08/2012 09:23 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 170

You deserved it 2 375

By Wrongdoor - 06/12/2009 14:58 - United States

Today, I was taking a placement test for the new college I am going to. After the test and picking up a few numbers, I left with great pride. I opened the door and started walking out. I then realized that I had walked into the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 489

You deserved it 27 969

By c - 22/07/2012 04:50 - United States - Denham Springs

Today, my boss bitched at me because my body language "indicates that you don't enjoy doing your job". I just have scoliosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 134

You deserved it 1 775

By Anonymous - 28/06/2013 18:07 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, I woke up to a flooded basement. That basement is my bedroom, so I'm completely surrounded by water. All I need is a tiger and this would be like The Life of Pi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 699

You deserved it 3 879

No good deed

By mjperfetti84 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 871

You deserved it 6 234

By random - 08/06/2013 04:42 - United States - El Paso

Today, at the gym, my boobs were jiggling more than the girl next to me. This would be a good thing, if I wasn't a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 846

You deserved it 16 838

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 219

You deserved it 4 089

By psuedodragon - 21/05/2013 17:20 - Canada - Regina

Today, while on my way to an important interview, I was stopped and ticketed for speeding. The ticket made me 20 minutes late, but when I showed up, I was told they forgot to call and let me know that the woman I was supposed to meet with called in sick this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 934

You deserved it 7 154

psuedodragon tells us more.

psuedodragon 23

Tuesday 21 May 2013 23:19

Funny you should mention zombie attacks... The reason I was late was because I slept through my alarm after a particularly intense, long weekend, zombie survival prep camp (basically a lot of running in between short classes on survival skills for three days). I know I shouldn't have been speeding, but it was important enough that the $135 would have been worth paying... y'know, if they hadn't forgotten to tell me it was cancelled...

By Ugh - 13/09/2015 06:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I moan too much when we have sex. I actually just fake my moans in an effort to cover the sound of my cracking hips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 424

You deserved it 5 919